Your name is JUDD HARLEY-EGBERT. Yes, that combination of names does mean what you think it does. You are REALLY FUCKING TIRED of answering questions about your parentage. In fact, you are REALLY FUCKING TIRED in general. Your hobbies include SLEEPING among a pile of your HANDCRAFTED PLUSHIES. Several of them have been pulled apart and sewn together in strange forms, creating TWISTED IRONIC MOCKERIES of the SQUIDDLES you fell asleep to as a child. Most of them look like PERFECTLY NORMAL SQUIDDLES. When you are not asleep or sewing, you are often HARANGUED CEASELESSLY by your family and friends. To deter them, you have ironically enlisted your sister's aid to make an AUTONOMOUS DEFENSIVE TURRET aimed directly at your door. It detects anyone walking through and fires a barrage of NERF DARTS to annoy them away. You pride yourself on the poetic justice of this creative solution. Unfortunately, it is currently glitching, and cannot discern someone entering from someone leaving. You are TRAPPED IN YOUR ROOM until it runs out of ammo. Normally, this would be fine, but you have a very important meeting at the local cafe. You really want to impress your cool new hipster friends with your POIGNANT SLAM POETRY. You must escape somehow! What will you do? #incest