@insecureNature — #dadjoke
I’m Not Afraid Of Commitment — Just Attached To Disappointment. #dadjoke
Life’s A Trip — And I Forgot The Map. #dadjoke
Son: 'dad, Did You Get The Results Of The Dna Test Back?' Dad: 'call Me George.' #dadjoke
I Visited My Friend At His New House. He Told Me To Make Myself At Home, So I Threw Him Out. I Hate Visitors. #dadjoke
Today At The Bank, @gamgam Asked Me To Check Her Balance... So I Pushed Her Over. #dadjoke
Dad: What Is The Difference Between A Piano, A Tuna, And A Pot Of Glue? Me: I Don't Know. Dad: You Can Tuna Piano But You Can't Piano A Tuna. Me: What About The Pot Of Glue? Dad: I Knew You'd Get Stuck On That. #dadjoke
" I'm Sorry " And " I Apologize " Usually Mean The Same Thing... But Not At A Funeral… #dark #dadjoke
Did I Ever Tell You About The Time I Went Mushroom Foraging? It’s A Story With A Morel At The End. #dadjoke
Why Don’t Fish Play Basketball? . . . Because They’re Afraid Of The Net. #dadjoke
I Tried To Start A Band With My Fish, But It Was Just Too Scaly. #dadjoke
What Do Sea Lions Like To Eat? . . . Seals. #dadjoke
What Did The Fish Say When It Hit The Wall? . . . Dam. #dadjoke
Why Are Fish So Smart? . . . They Spend All Day In School. #dadjoke
How Do You Know If A Crab Is Good At Sharing? . . . It’s Always Willing To Claw Its Way To A Compromise. #dadjoke
I Met A Fish That Could Play The Guitar. . . . It Was A Bass Player. #dadjoke
What Do You Call A Fish That Practices Law? . . . A Liquid Attorney. #dadjoke
How Do You Organize A Space Party? . . . You Planet… no, Wait, That’s Astronomy. #dadjoke
What’s A Mermaid’s Favorite Type Of Math? . . . Algaebra. #dadjoke
I Tried To Talk To A Squid, But It Gave Me The Ink Cold Shoulder. #dadjoke
What Do You Call A Fish Who Practices Medicine? A Sturgeon. #dadjoke
The Clam Didn’t Want To Go Out. It Was Feeling A Bit Shellfish. #dadjoke
What’s A Whale’s Favorite Tv Show? . . . Whale Of Fortune. #dadjoke
Have You Heard About The New Fish Restaurant? Great Catch Of The Day! :3 #dadjoke
I Tried To Start A Band With My Fish, But It Was Just Too Scaly. #dadjoke
Why Do Sharks Never Use Social Media? . . . They’re Afraid Of Getting Caught In The Net. #dadjoke
Claustrophobia Is The Fear Of Closed Spaces. For Example: I'm Going To The Beer Store And I'm Scared It Will Be Closed. #dadjoke #can #not #be #silenced
Why Did The God Of Thunder Need To Stretch His Legs? He Was A Little Thor. #dadjoke #cantsilenceme #rebel
Went To The Doctor With A Suspicious - Looking Mole. He Said They All Look That Way And I Should Have Left Him In The Garden. #dadjoke
I Once Submitted Ten Puns To A Joke Competition. I Really Thought With That Many, One Was Sure To Win. Sadly, No Pun In Ten Did. #dadjoke
Son: “ Dad, Can You Please Explain To Me What A Solar Eclipse Is? ” Dad: “ No Sun. " #dadjoke
I Recently Took A Pole. And Found That 100% Of The People In The Tent Were Angry When It Collapsed. #dadjoke
As I Get Older, I Remember All Of The People I Lost Along The Way. Maybe A Career As A Tour Guide Wasn’t The Right Choice. #dadjoke
Went To The Bar Tonight. Good Times. Only A 15-minute Walk. But The Walk Home Took 45 Minutes, The Difference Was Staggering. #dadjoke