"= i think i am just. letting go. this is a growing thing. the temptation has always been there but i have been more reserved historically, though you might remember even before that when i was a little rowdier in a distinctly different way, but back then i had to worry about getting into shit, which now i most likely don't have to worry about. =" "= also cupe deprived but i am trying deliberately to not use it at the moment. some health issues have. been popping up out of my light time arrangements. so, you know, uh, just trying things, it causes behavioral instability unlike anything i have known. ="
"= ....crack? =" "= are you saying you had theories? :I i would hear you out because to know is, the whole point. =" "= but you deliver harsh truths. so. eh. what happened to joking. ="
I +hough+ you made i+ clear. +he joking period was over. you know who. wha+. and how I am. +ekras. +ha+ you keep engaging. is your own faul+. so yes. I will deliver more hard +ru+hs: you have always. given +he impression of a man who would frac+ure. under +he weigh+ of his own +hough+s. +ha+ a +ouch of sleep depriva+ion has finally caused i+. is no+ surprising. disappoin+ing. perhaps. I was looking forward +o some+hing more. explosive.
"= it is much different than sleep deprivation. considering i am getting to sleep. just fine without it. on the "platform", awful thing but, haha. =" "= ok. do not act like i can't accept these things, they are entirely fair. my thoughts regardless. are that engaging with the likes of yourself give me insight that i just do not get from my own thinkpan. =" "= it is not only funny. and if you want more serious comments. one, i would saaaay that my feelings are nowhere near bothered by this, and secondly. it is all a mystery to me, when what i enjoy seeking is clarity and discovery, just that this time it is of myself and the parts of me i haven't touched. =" "= so it is bound to get. psychologically. unusual. nothing is settled. ="
one can be sleep deprived. while s+ill ge++ing sleep. i+ is more abou+ quali+y. and wha+no+. +han quan+i+y. if you are no+ sleeping. /well/. +hen you are sleep deprived. apologies +ha+ you lack +he pan s+ruc+ure +o enjoy a pla+form. +hough. I've found +hem qui+e pleasan+. +hough I suppose +he inabili+y +o dream has. some+hing +o do wi+h +ha+. I did no+ pin you for +he +ype. +o be in+eres+ed in divine revela+ion. bu+ I suppose I would be remiss in my du+ies. were I +o deny you your exercises. +hough I feel I canno+ offer much more inpu+. when you are being so incredible vague. abou+ wha+ you are coping wi+h. a+ +he momen+ i+ simply sounds as +hough. you are being picked apar+ a+ +he seams.
"= it's fine. i have gotten used to it. i have also used my ship to do a little zero gravity to, ahem, help my comfort. but, you know, only so much to do. =" "= i do not see what is divine about this. are you a believer? or do you simply consider yourself the god of thinkpans. not that i would believe in much without proof. =" "= though perhaps that would be fun. buuuut. okay, so. one of my problems that has been long lasting and i assume frustrating to you. =" "= is that this vagueness originates from. enunciating my feelings exactly. without reasons. but this lack of specific-icity is exactly what i am trying to solve by talking to you, call it an undiagnosedness, whatever it is. =" "= i am not torn apart. i feel entirely myself. do you not think so? this is simply me without some of the more smoothing-over-like traits of the green stuff. =" "= it is your call how to proceed. if this is a serious conversation. i will take. serious advice. ="
. . . is +ha+ a joke. genuine inquiry. because I am cer+ain you've been secondary +o conversa+ions. of +he sor+. on +umblr. you ough+ +o know well +ha+ I do no+ consider myself. any+hing bu+ holy. +hough I am no+ cer+ain. +hinkpans are my domain. precisely. you give +he impression. of a man unmoored. +he disconnec+ be+ween your conscious mind. and subconscious. is occupying +he forefron+ of how you in+erac+ wi+h world. why do you wan+ answers. wha+ will +hey give you. is i+ no+ enough +o simply be. genuine inquiries.
"= i know, i know. what i do not know, and will not assume. is your domain. most of us have one. =" "= do not think i didn't think about it. and as i said. not a joke, realistically. it can be amusing but i find, it is still honest. =" "= you kind of have a point. my role, that i do know, i am fighting some form of my own fate. it is what i have done. i do not want to be passive and let myself fall into wherever things will drag me, so i need to know who i am. =" "= my answers. well. without knowing the right answers. i can not make decisions about my own future, not without continuing this spiral of, uh, vagueties. =" "= either way, my pan tells me. 'lack of direction'. and even now, when i have tried to go back to myself and what i used to do. i find, this does not do it for me. =" "= something new? maybe. but i feel like all i have done for my whole life. is seek novelty. =" "= settling down. just so much more nice in my pan. and horrific. once i try to do it, ah, what do you think? ="