sometimes i get stuck in this void of being unable to tell if im more june than jade or jade than june, or more joey than either. i see others that have their timelines in order and know who they are and what they want to be and every time i feel something, but i can never tell if it's a sense of kinship, jealousy, or just a longing to be as cool or confident or attractive as them. is it normal to stare at other "me"-ish kinds of people and think "gog i wish i was like that"???
like it feels like, despite feeling identification with the "jamily" i dont feel like i'm any one individual one of them? i feel like an additional member to the family that never existed, a ghost of something that never was. the parts are all there but its never in the same order. i still dont think i'll ever understand what i am or what my purpose is in comparison to everyone else, with their quest beds and godtiering. my timeline is basically ended and here i am, in the quiet with no one but the others in my head, stronger, faster, smarter than me. what's my purpose? what is my aspect? why did sburb not have a plan for me?