ApOlOgIEs fOr my wEEklOng AbsEncE, I wAs spEndIng tImE wIth kIn On thE flAgshIp, And by thEIr rEcOmmEndAtIOn, I shOUld rEstrIct dIscUssIOns thAt pOtEntIAlly OvErlAp wIth OthEr cAstEs. I hAvE nOw rEtUrnEd tO thE mEdIAl hIvE, And wIll rEtUrn tO tArOt rEAdIngs And scrIptUrE pOstIng As Is typIcAl I thAnk thOsE frIEnds whO shOwEd cOncErn And chEckEd On mE
Of cOUrsE! I hAvE thE dEck OUt AlrEAdy, I sEE nO rEAsOn nOt tO. pAst: thE hErmIt prEsEnt: sEvEn Of wAnds InvErtEd fUtUrE: qUEEn Of wAnds yOU whO wErE OncE wIthdrAwn hAvE cOmE tO rEAlIzAtIOns Of lOwErIng OnEs sElf? I knOw nOt whErEIn, pErhAps thAt Is yOUr jOb tO IdEntIfy. rEgArdlEss, thE dIrEctIOn AhEAd Is cOnfIdEncE In rEjEctIOn Of sUch IdEAs. Odd tO sEE A mAjOr ArcAnA As thE fIrst cArd As wEll, pErhAps thE cArds mEAn tO tEll yOU thAt AnswErs lIE In yOUr pAst, And rEflEctIOn On thEm? Or thAt yOU hAd AlrEAdy fOUnd thE AnswEr bEfOrE, And nEEd tO rEdIscOvEr It.
... Yo+u kno+w mo+st peo+ple like so+mething, no+t because it's so+meho+w 'against the rules no+t to+', but fo+r the merits o+f the thing itself, yes? So+mething being 'blasphemo+us' isn't an inherent reaso+n to+ no+t like it. After all, yo+u sho+uld co+nsider what systems are at play fo+r giving o+ut labels like 'sacred' o+r 'sacreligio+us'... And if yo+u have family teaching yo+u ho+w to+ assert yo+urself, that's o+ne thing, but co+nstant mo+nito+ring and 'behavio+ral co+rrectio+n' fo+r any perceived misstep isn't what so+meo+ne do+es when they care abo+ut yo+u... That's what they do+ when they wish fo+r yo+u to+ o+nly do+ what yo+u're to+ld by them, and never to+ think fo+r yo+urself...
>--D=Wow=that=is=quite=the=foreboding=message=but=I=don't=know=what=ideas=I=am=supposed=to=be=rejecting=nor=what=kind=of=answer=I=was=supposed=to=have=found=still=I=am=extremely=appreciative=of=your=generosity=lady=Lolada=haha=:P//<
I, cAn sEE thAt mAkIng sEnsE ElsEwhErE, bUt, pErhAps I Am An ExcEptIOn. my kIn In pAIntEd fAcEs knOw whAt Is bEst sUrEly... whIlE my tImE AwAy wAs dIstrEssIng, sUrEly thErE Is rEAsOn bEhInd It. I, sUppOsE I wIll prAy On thIs... I wIsh nOt tO spEAk tO thE clOwnfEssErs AgAIn On It, thEy hAvE sEEn mE fAr tOO mAny tImEs thIs pErIgrEE
..... Dear, mo+re o+ften than no+t, the 'reaso+n' behind actio+ns like the o+nes yo+u're describing are almo+st always abo+ut po+wer and co+ntro+l o+ver o+thers... If yo+u're in the middle o+f a high co+ntro+l enviro+nment, then their o+nly go+al is to+ make yo+u feel alienated and iso+lated fro+m tho+se no+t already part o+f the gro+up and subject to+ its po+wer structure, and then to+ do+ whatever it takes to+ make yo+u willing and eager to+ submit to+ that po+wer structure, yo+urself, by making yo+u view anything o+utside the gro+up as inherently harmful o+r ill-intentio+ned, while they strip yo+u o+f yo+ur ability to+ think fo+r yo+urself, and make yo+ur o+wn cho+ices by painting any cho+ice yo+u do+ make that they disappro+ve o+f as 'sinful' o+r 'harmful' to+ yo+urself. I do+n't kno+w what so+rt o+f prayers yo+u might have been taught to+ say, but o+ften times, repetitio+n o+f such things is a fo+undatio+nal element o+f these enviro+nments... Are yo+u punished if yo+u do+n't make a sho+wing o+f praying a certain amo+unt per day? O+r are yo+u to+ld to+ pray, when o+thers might take a mo+ment to+ think abo+ut their feelings? If it's the latter, then perhaps instead o+f praying, yo+u sho+uld co+nsider sitting in silence and thinking abo+ut whatever caused yo+u to+ want to+ 'pray'. If yo+u're co+ncerned abo+ut so+mething bad happening because yo+u do+n't pray fo+r a change, then co+nsider whether that bad thing is actually a cho+ice made by so+meo+ne else, with the intent to+ punish yo+u fo+r no+t behaving in a way that they want yo+u to+, because acting against them ro+bs them o+f their sense o+f co+ntro+l o+ver yo+u...
I thAnk yOU fOr thE kInd wOrds... I, dO nOt knOw If I cAn Apply thEm tO mysElf, sUrEly, my mEntOr And AncEstOr wOUld hAvE my bEst thE prAyEr Is, whAt I typIcAlly dO, I... sUppOsE I hAd nEvEr cOnsIdErEd An AltErnAtIvE- tEll yOU whAt, I wIll, dO sUch rEflEctIng AftEr IncIdEnts fOr A fEw cyclEs, And thEn prAy. sUrEly I cAn mAIntAIn bOth yEs? I thAnk yOU fOr thE kInd wOrds And EncOUrAgEmEnt, sUrEly thErE ArE frIEnds Of wArmEr hUEs whO nEEd sUch mOrEsO?
I ApOlOgIzE fOr my prIOr rEmArk, And hAvE bEEn rEmIndEd tO UsE thE prOpEr tErm Of- lOwEr hUEs, tO rEfEr tO thEm by rAthEr thAn wArmEr.
Yo+u have no+thing to+ apo+lo+gize fo+r, dear. And remember, there's o+nly 'high' o+r 'lo+w' caste co+lo+rs, when there is a system which places inherent value in so+mething that no+ne o+f us can actually co+ntro+l, and yo+u have mo+re in co+mmo+n with so+meo+ne o+f go+ld o+r teal co+lo+red blo+o+d, than yo+u do+ with the tho+se in po+wer o+ver yo+u, even within yo+ur blo+o+d co+lo+r caste. I think taking things slo+wly, ho+wever, is a go+o+d way to+ begin. And do+ be careful. If yo+u find yo+urself thinking o+ne way, but acting ano+ther fo+r the sake o+f yo+ur o+wn safety, this is no+rmal in trying to+ understand the system yo+u are a victim o+f, and is o+ften the first step to+wards finding a path that allo+ws yo+u to+ be yo+ur genuine self, beyo+nd their co+ntro+l. Also+, fo+r the reco+rd it's o+nly a 'pro+per term' if tho+se that it affects use that wo+rd fo+r themselves, and enjo+y it. Just as any slur o+r term impo+sed o+n a less po+werful gro+up isn't the 'pro+per term' fo+r them, neither is 'lo+wblo+o+d' o+r 'highblo+o+d'. They're descripto+rs fo+r ho+w things currently are. But they're no+t the pro+per wo+rds fo+r the individuals affected by them, themselves. I think addressing blo+o+d co+lo+rs by 'warm' o+r 'co+ld' co+lo+rs is quite a nice co+mpro+mise.
thInkIng OnE wAy And ActIng AnOthEr Is, sOmEthIng qUItE fAmIlIAr tO mE yEs. I jUst, sUppOsE I thOUght sO fOr mOst trOlls. pErhAps, sOmEtImE wE mAy spEAk mOrE OpEnly In dms, AnOthEr tImE sIncE my mEntOr cAlls fOr mE. I thAnk yOU fOr thE cOncErn, And, rEqUEst yOU stAy sAfE In yOUr dAy tO dAy, As wEll As OnlInE. my tImE On thIs wEbsItE hAvE lEd tO mE mEEtIng mAny kInd sOUls. I dId nOt knOw trOlls cOUld hAvE sUch mIrth In thEIr pUshErs wIthOUt thE vIOlEncE Or jEst Of A clOwn AlOngsIdE It. thAt Is, cOmfOrtIng pErhAps. I wIll prAy fOr yOU In EqUAl mEAsUrE tO yOUr wEll wIshEs Of mE thIs cyclE. my thAnks.
O+f co+urse, dear. Feel free to+ message me at any time yo+u wish. And I ho+pe that no+ matter what yo+u cho+o+se, yo+u are happy with it, and with yo+urself, mo+st o+f all.