AHHH, I LOVE TO STAY LATE AT THE OFFICE WITH MY DEVOTED MERGAL! HE IS VERY OBEDIENT, YOU KNOW, WHAT A WONDERFUL QUALITY FOR AN EMPLOYEE TO HAVE, SO DUTIFUL IN HANDING ME MY DOCUMENTS SO THAT I MAY CONTINUE WORKING LATE AND FINALLY WRAP UP LOOKING OVER THESE FILES, WHICH I HAD NEGLECTED TO DO EARLIER, DUE TO INCIDENTS INVOLVING THE PRINTER-SLASH-COPIER-SLASH-FAX MACHINE, THAT MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN CAUSED BY MERGAL, MY SWEET, INNOCENT, DARLING MERGAL, HIMSELF, THOUGH BY NO FAULT OF HIS OWN, AS HE SIMPLY CANNOT HELP BUT DRAW DISASTER TOWARDS HIMSELF, LIKE A BIG, POWERFUL CATASTROPHE MAGNET-- NOT THAT I COULD EVER IN A MILLION SWEEPS BE UPSET AT HIM, NO NO, AS HE IS FAR TOO PATHETIC, WET, AND CRUMPLED, LIKE A NAPKIN FROM A FAST FOOD DRIVE THROUGH THAT FLEW OUT THE WINDOW OF AN OLD, BEAT UP SCUTTLEBUGGY HALFWAY THROUGH THE SPEEDING DRIVE OVER THE HIGHWAY AND LANDED IN A YUCKYGROSS PUDDLE OF DIRTY GREENISH-BROWNISH WATER OFF THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND HALFWAY DISINTEGRATED DUE TO BEING MADE OF A RECYCLABLE AND BIODEGRADABLE MATERIAL, ONLY MADE THIS WAY BECAUSE OF THE, FRANKLY, SHITTY EATERY'S THINLY-VEILED PR STUNT TO APPEAR SOCIALLY CONSCIOUS DURING THIS TIME OF SHIFTING POLITICAL PRIORITIES THAT GLORIFY VIRTUE SIGNALING OVER ACTUAL DIRECT ACTION, AND THUS, CANNOT WITHSTAND THE ELEMENTS, AS IT IS SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED TO RETURN TO THE SOIL, LIKE ALL SOFT BODIES MUST. -- F. GAINES, CEO [ABG INC.]
Oh, you're insane. I get it now.
HA! NO, NO, I MERELY HAVE AN ACTIVE IMAGINATION AND A VERY CREATIVE SOUL, AS TOLD TO ME BY MY TUTOR A LONG TIME AGO, DURING MY HIVESCHOOLFEEDING DAYS, RIGHT BEFORE SHE RESIGNED! I MISS HER. -- F. GAINES, CEO [ABG INC.]
Dude, you killed her.
KILLED HER? NO, NO! AS I UNDERSTAND, SHE SIMPLY HAD ANOTHER JOB SHE WANTED TO DO. AHH BUT I REMEMBER OUR SESSIONS FONDLY, YES, SHE WAS OH SO VERY KIND TO ME, AND IN TURN, I REGALED HER WITH ALL OF MY MOST FAVORITE STORIES AND TALES, IN THEIR COMPLETE FORMS, MANY OF WHICH WERE COMPLETELY FICTIONAL, AND MADE UP DURING MY MANY BOUTS OF UNFOCUSED NIGHTDREAMING, LOGGED IN MY SPONGE, READY TO BE PUT TO PAGE ANY DAY, BUT THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO NOW, HAHA, NO, NOW, THE ONLY THING BEING PUT TO PAGE ARE MY MEMOIRS AND PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT BOOKS, MAINLY CENTERING AROUND FINANCE, BUSINESS, AND WORK ETHIC, WITH MY PERFECT, BEAUTIFUL, SHINING FACE LINING EACH AND EVERY COVER OF MY NONFICTION LITERARY MASTERPIECES! -- F. GAINES, CEO [ABG INC.]