BATTER UP < DURING MY EARLY SWEEPS, A TEAM WE PLAYED AGAINST DECIDED TO DO SOME "GUERILLA SLAUGHTER SPHERE." THIS MEANT THEY KIDNAPPED ME AFTER A GAME AND ATTEMPTED HYPNOSIS TO TRY AND MAKE ME MISS EVERY PITCH. LET ME TELL YOU, WALLOPING HOMERUNS IS BUILT INTO MY BODY. INTO MY DNA. YOU COULD REMOVE ALL KNOWLEDGE OF SLAUGHTER SPHERE FROM MY THINKPAN, PUT ME IN THE BOX, AND IT'D STILL BLOW YOU AWAY. THAT TEAM WAS SO DEMORALIZED FROM THE FIRST SWING, THEY WENT AND SAT IN THE DUGOUT FOR THE REST OF THE GAME, WHILE I HIT FROM A BATTING TEE. PATHETIC. > HOMERUN
> y0u fasc1nate me
BATTER UP < THANK YOU. MANY PEOPLE HAVE SAID THAT MY HITS ARE "FASCINATING", "UNBELIEVABLE", AND "AWE-INSPIRING." I CANNOT COUNT THE NUMBER OF TIMES I HAVE MADE PEOPLE CRY OUT OF BOTH JOY AND FEAR FROM MY FUCKING SWINGS. > HOMERUN
can you teach me to play thlaughter thphere
BATTER UP < BEFORE I CAN EVEN BEGIN TO GIVE YOU SOME TIPS, YOU FIRST NEED TO GO AND BUY A BAT. THIS WILL BE YOUR BAT. NO ONE ELSE'S. YOU MUST TAKE IT OUTSIDE, WHEREVER IS COMFORTABLE FOR YOU AND SWING IT. 10,000 TIMES, EVERY DAY, FOR A WEEK. YOU MUST BOND AND BECOME ONE WITH YOUR HOLY FUCKING WEAPON. LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU'VE GOT THAT HANDLED AND WE CAN RUN OVER SOME BASIC STUFF LIKE WHEN TO STEAL AND BUNTING (WHICH I NEVER DO). > HOMERUN