Battur Runman
@homerunKing
slaughter sphere homerun leader '25, '24, '22, '20. previously played for the outglut allstars. currently signed to the thrashthrust terminators. he/him
BATTER UP < FOLLOW UP ON MY LAST POST. THIS PART ISN'T AN AD BUT PLEASE YOU HAVE TO GO BUY THAT FUCKING MEAL. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MANY FUCKING TERMINATOR'S THEMED SLAUGHTER SPHERE SKULLCAPS, BATTUR RUNMAN EDITION WE HAVE. IT'S SERIOUSLY A FUCKTON. LIKE I CAN'T BELIEVE THE FACTORY ALLOWED THEM TO ORDER THAT FUCKING MANY. THEY TOLD ME HOW MANY THEY HAD GOT AND I SAID "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? ARE YOU STUPID?" MY LAST TEN MEALS HAVE BEEN THE BATTUR RUNMAN MEAL AND THAT'S ONLY ACROSS TWO DAYS. I SERIOUSLY NEED SOME FUCKING HELP HERE PLEASE. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < YOU WOULD HAVE TO EITHER CONTACT TROLL WENDY'S CORPORATE (UNSURE IF THIS WILL WORK), OR I DON'T FUCKING KNOW. WAIT TWO MONTHS FOR THE COLLABORATION TO END, AND THEN CHECK THE DUMP BECAUSE THERE ARE JUST THAT FUCKING MANY OF THEM THAT WE WON'T BE ABLE TO SELL THEM ALL. FUCK. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < LISTEN THIS IS REALLY NOT THE TIME BUT DO A #AD FOR THIS AND I CAN MAYBE PUT YOU IN CONTACT WITH TROLL SUBWAY. I KNOW YOU'VE ALWAYS FUCKED WITH THEM. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < I'LL TALK TO LEGAL AND WE'LL SEE WHAT WE CAN DO. I'M SCARED THEY MIGHT TRY AND PITCH A BATTUR RUNMAN POPCORN BUCKET AND I'M NOT SURE THE WORLD IS READY. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < I AM CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED TO LET YOU ALL KNOW THAT YOU CAN NOW GO DOWN TO YOUR NEAREST TROLL WENDY'S AND PURCHASE THE "BATTUR RUNMAN MEAL". THIS CONSISTS OF THE RUNMAN BURGER (FOUR PATTIES, CHEESE, SOME LARD AND A MYSTERY SAUCE WHICH I AM BEING TOLD IS MOSTLY SAFE FOR CONSUMPTION), BATTUR FRIES (A LARGE FRY WITH SAWDUST-SHAVINGS FOR FLAVOR, LIKE A BAT, GET IT?) AND A LARGE TROLL SPRITE ZERO. BUY FIVE BEFORE THE PROMOTION ENDS, AND YOU'LL RECEIVE A LIMITED EDITION TERMINATORS SLAUGHTER SPHERE SKULLCAP, BATTUR RUNMAN EDITION! ALRIGHT, ENOUGH TALK! LETS GET OUT THERE AND... PLAY BALL! #AD #SPONSORED > HOMERUN
https://file.garden/X5nOw-a95myVyjmt/images_-_2026-04-27T200901.652.jpg #collab [∙]
BATTER UP < SORRY FOR THE SLIGHT ABSENCE. I'VE BEEN SPENDING A LITTLE TIME COACHING THE OTHER MEMBERS OF THE TEAM. THOUGH NOT EXPLICITLY MY JOB, THE BEST OUR CURRENT COACH CAN DO IS STRATEGY - HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THE PRIMAL URGE IT TAKES TO KNOCK THEM OUT OF THE FUCKING PARK. THE ADRENALIN YOU SEE AS THE BALL FLIES SKY FUCKING HIGH. THE RAGE ONE FEELS WHEN THEY SEE A COCKY SMIRK ON A PITCHER'S FACE. THEY'RE PRETTY GOOD AT SAYING "HEY MAN, THROW IT TO FIRST" WHEN WE'RE FIELDING THOUGH. LIKE YEAH. NO FUCKING SHIT. I WAS ABOUT TO THROW IT TO THIRD. DUMBASS. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < MY ROOKIE YEAR. THE OUTGLUT ALLSTARS. AN EARLY POINT IN MY CAREER, BUT AN IMPORTANT ONE. AND WHO WAS THE STAR BATTER? @BATTASWING - BUT YOU KNOW THAT DIDN'T LAST FUCKING LONG WHEN I GOT ON THE FUCKING SCENE. YOU KNOW EIVALL, IT'S SURPRISING TO ME YOU EVEN GOT THE CONTRACT TO BE ON THAT TEAM. I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU CLOSED THAT FUCKING DEAL. BECAUSE YOU'VE NEVER CLOSED ANYTHING *EVER*. YOU'RE NOT A CLOSER. YOUR JOB IS TO HIT YOUR PATHETIC LITTLE SINGLE, GET ON BASE, AND THAT'S FUCKING IT. YOU DON'T HAVE THE ICE COLD VEINS LIKE ME. I WAS BORN TO COMPETE. THEY PUT YOU IN IN THE 6TH OR 7TH INNINGS FOR ME. THEY PUT YOU IN, SO BATTUR RUNMAN CAN COME IN AND CLOSE THE FUCKING DEAL. BECAUSE *I AM A FUCKING CLOSER.* > HOMERUN
-------============(((◯ GET REAL. YOU WERE NEVER ABLE TO BEAT MY PURE SKILL. BUT NO AMOUNT OF PINCHES AND SPRINKLES OF FORTUNE AND WISHES MAKE UP FOR YOUR TRACK RECORD. YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T KNOW IF I'VE EVER STOPPED AT A BASE IN MY LIFE. BECAUSE I RUN FUCKING CIRCLES AROUND THAT TRACK. AND BEFORE YOU RUINED THE GOOD NAME OF SLAUGHTER SPHERE? MY LEGACY PERCOLATED THROUGH IT LIKE THE PISS YOU SOAKED YOUR RECUPERACOON IN UNTIL YOU WERE THREE SWEEPS OLD. WHEN YOU LEAVE THIS SPORT AND CRUMPLE UP INTO A BALL. YOU WILL BE BATTED AWAY AND REPLACED. BUT IT'S MY TECHNIQUE THEY LOOK UP TO. THAT'S MY LEGACY. AND CULLING A BUNCH OF LOUSY PITCHERS SO YOU CAN GET AN EASY RUN WILL NEVER MAKE UP FOR WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE THAT I DO. SKILL.
BATTER UP < PATHETIC. TRULY PATHETIC ARE WE PICKING AND CHOOSING WHICH RULES OF SLAUGHTER SPHERE ARE "THE GOOD ONES" NOW? EVERY PLAYER STEPS ON TO THAT FIELD READY TO FUCKING DIE. AND FOR THAT, I CAN RESPECT THEM, NO MATTER HOW PATHETICALLY THEY MAY TRY TO STRIKE ME OUT. BUT YOU? YOU'RE A COWARD. "I DON'T WANT TO KILL THE PITCHERS!" FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. YOU'RE NOT JUST DISRESPECTING THE POSITION OF PITCHER AT A CORE LEVEL, BUT YOU'RE DISRESPECTING THE ENTIRE SPORT. IF YOU WANT TO TALK "TRACK RECORD" LET'S TALK TRACK RECORD. I AM THE *ONLY* BATTER IN HISTORY WITH A 1.002 BATTING AVERAGE. I BET YOU CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO PROCESS THAT. I HAVE GOTTEN MORE PEOPLE ON BASE THAN TIMES I HAVE EVEN SWUNG THE FUCKING BAT. "IMPOSSIBLE! THE RULES DON'T EVEN ALLOW FOR THAT!" THIS GAME BENDS TO MY FUCKING WILL. I AM SLAUGHTER SPHERE AND IT IS ME. YOU HAVE NO FUCKING HOPE. > HOMERUN
-------============(((◯ IT'S CHEAP AND IT'S BORING. IT'S THE EASY WAY OUT. YOU'RE TAKING THEM OUT ONE AT A TIME AND YOU'RE TAKING FUCKING TURNS. WHAT IS THIS? FIDUSPAWN? ARE YOU A FUCKING WRIGGLER? YOU DENY YOUR TEAM THE SATISFACTION OF CHARGING OUT THERE AND BEATING THOSE FIELDERS TO DEATH WITH THEIR FISTS AS YOU LEAVE THE PITCHER SHIVERING IN FEAR KNOWING WHAT AWAITS THEM. YOU DON'T CULL THEM FIRST UNLESS YOU'RE A LITTLE BITCH WHO SUCKS AT THE GAME AND/OR YOU KNOW YOU ARE. YOU MEET MOST OF, IF NOT ALL OF, THOSE CRITERIA. THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU ON THE FIELD I'M GONNA SPLIT YOUR WHINY LITTLE SCALP OPEN WITH MY BAT WHILE YOUR BACK IS TURNED. THEN WE'LL SEE HOW FUN IT IS. PUNK ASS BITCH.
BATTER UP < I'D BE CAREFUL IF I WERE YOU. YOUR BAT WOULD PROBABLY FUCKING BREAK. MIGHT PUT YOUR ARM OUT. YOUR SWING CAN HARDLY HIT A BALL INTO THE OUTFIELD, WHAT HOPE DO YOU EVEN HAVE TO DAMAGE ME? PLUS, AREN'T YOU A SHORT LITTLE RUNT? DO YOU NEED TO BALANCE ON THE BATTING TEE TO EVEN REACH MY FUCKING HEAD? WE BOTH KNOW MOST OF THE REASON YOU EVEN HAD A HALF-DECENT BATTING AVERAGE ALL THOSE SWEEPS AGO WAS BECAUSE YOUR STRIKE ZONE WAS *SO* FUCKING LOW, MOST PITCHERS DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO THROW TO YOU. YOU ARE A GENETIC ANOMALY THAT WILL LEAVE A SMUDGE ON THE HISTORY OF SLAUGHTER SPHERE. THIS MESSAGE CHAIN RIGHT HERE WILL BE YOUR ONLY MARK IN THE ANNALS OF HISTORY. THEY'LL REMEMBER YOU AS THE PEST THAT THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME, BATTUR RUNMAN, DISPATCHED OF WITH FUCKING EASE. > HOMERUN
-------============(((◯ ALL THESE SWEEPS AND IT STILL NEVER CLICKED IN HIS ATOMICALLY MINISCULE THINKPAN. IT'S A CHANGE IN COMPOSURE. OF STATURE. THE PITCHERS ARE FAR AWAY AND THEY'RE BLIND AND FOOLISH. AND I GET A BETTER VANTAGE POINT ON ALL THEIR THROWS. YOU KNOW DAMN WELL NOT EVEN AFTER YOUR GROWTH SPURT COULD YOU COMPARE TO ME. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IT MEANS TO "MOVE" OR TO "ANGLE" OR TO STRATEGISE IN ANY WAY OTHER THAN TAKING CHEAPER AND CHEAPER SHOTS WHENEVER YOU GET THE CHANCE. ME? I'M BEYOND A GYMNAUSIATIST. I'M GODDAMN PERFECTION. AND YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT THAT I'M AN ANOMALY. AN ANOMALY OF WILLPOWER AND SKILLPOWER BLENDED TOGETHER FINELY IN A HORRIFIC CONGEALED MASS OF BLOOD, WRATH AND A FEW HANDFULS OF PROTEIN CHIPS. BECAUSE THERE WILL NEVER AGAIN BE ANOTHER BATTER LIKE ME. NOT EVEN YOU. NOT EVEN CLOSE.
BATTER UP < YEAH. I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT. THERE WILL NEVER EVER BE ANOTHER BATTER LIKE YOU. BECAUSE IT WOULD BE THE DEATH OF OUR FUCKING SPORT. LET'S DO AWAY WITH ALL THE BATS. LET'S GET RID OF THE BASES. LET'S JUST THROW AROUND A BALL AND HAVE OUR LARGEST GUYS CHARGE EACH OTHER. THAT'S WHAT YOU FUCKING SOUND LIKE. I CULL PEOPLE ON THE FIELD, NO DOUBT. BUT THERE'S COUNTERPLAY. CATCH MY FUCKING BALL. DO ANYTHING TO TRY AND STOP ME. IT IS NO A FAULT OF MY OWN THAT THEY *CAN'T*. I AM AN UNSTOPPABLE HITTER AND YOU SIMPLY WANT TO DRAG ME DOWN TO YOUR PATHETIC LEVEL. > HOMERUN
-------============(((◯ RUNMAN, RUNMAN. YOU HIT WELL. I DO NOT DOUBT THAT. IF I HAD DOUBTS ABOUT YOUR INTEGRITY AS A PLAYER I'D THINK YOUR BAT WAS FULL OF CORK. OR MAYBE LEAD. THIS IS ALSO PART OF MY PROBLEM. YOU REMEMBER WHEN THEY STANDARDISED THOSE WIMPCAGE HELMS IN TABLE STICKBALL? AND INSTEAD OF AWESOME ATHLETIC ACTION. AND BRUTAL BALL-BASHING. IT'S JUST GUYS BUMPING INTO EACHOTHER NOW. THIS IS HOW I VIEW YOUR SLAUGHTER SPHERE PERFORMANCES. YOU HAVE SUCKED THE OVERALL LIFE OUT OF IT IN EXCHANGE FOR BRIEF HYPE MOMENTS IN WHICH YOU KILL THE PITCHERS IN ONE-ON-ONE ENCOUNTERS LIKE IN 'TWELVE YEAR OLD CHILD FINDS METEOR ON MOUNTAIN; BEETLE FROM THE FUTURE INFORMS HIM OF HIS DESTINY TO TEAM UP WITH THREE OTHER CHILDREN AND DESTROY A GREAT ALIEN EVIL'. FOR THE TROLL SUPER NINTENDO. WHICH I'M SURE YOU'D LOVE. BECAUSE THE PROTAGONIST SOLVES ALL HIS PROBLEMS BY HITTING THEM WITH A BAT. LIKE YOU.
BATTER UP < ANOTHER BIG FUCKING WIN FOR BATTUR RUNMAN. IS ANYONE SURPRISED? REALLY PUT MYSELF OUT THERE FOR YOU PEOPLE CHITTR. I WOULD HAVE KEPT THE GAME GOING A LITTLE LONGER, BUT THAT ONE GUY REALLY WANTED ME TO OBLITERATE THE NEXT TEAM I PLAYED. SO I DID. A BIG FUCKING SHOUTOUT TO MY MANAGER FOR THE LIVE-CHITTING. IF ANYONE IS AT THE GAME, PLEASE WAIT OUTSIDE AND I'LL BE HAPPY TO SIGN ANYTHING YOU WANT. I CAN JUST FEEL THE HOLY FUCKING POWER FLOWING THROUGH ME. NOTHING GETS ME FUCKING BUZZING MORE THAN THAT. EVERY BALL WILL DIE. EVERY BALL WILL FUCKING DIE. FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING PSIONIC PITCHING. YOU ARE AN AGENT OF "THE BALLS" AND HAVE DIED FOR IT. FUCK YES. BATTUR RUNMAN. YEAH! > HOMERUN
Wrapping up the game now. Battur effortlessly takes out the coach - leaving the remnants of the Cull-aborators hopeless. With no pitcher, the referee declares the game over, a big win for the Terminators! The team moves over to celebrate with Battur - oh, he's here now. I'll pass his palmhusk back to him. One moment.
Battur Runman is going on a streak. It's like every ball he hits is a heat-seeking missile. For the trolls he doesn't cull with the blunt force, they're almost certainly unable to play. At this point, the Cull-aborators are out of good pitchers. He's blasted that ball at every fucking one. One even dived out of the way, but it was hopeless to try and avoid. The Cull-aborators coach is arguing with the ref. "No, no. I'm not fucking doing that! Are you crazy? He's going to fucking- to fucking CULL me!" The ref shakes his head. Begrudgingly, the last possible pitcher for the Cull-aborators steps up. It's the coach. Also, the waterboy is now playing third-base. It must be a painful game for Cull-aborators fans to watch.
Battur does not run the bases, but stays at home, enacting the "double at-bat" rule, sacrificing his guaranteed run for at attempt at double points. Already, the pitcher is shook. Their perfect game streak thwarted by just one man. Here comes the second pitch. There's a lot of wind up... before it comes blasting towards Battur. An extreme-speed psionic fastball (EDIT AFTER PLAY: This clocked in at 120mph). Instinctively Battur's body moves, another crack as his bat connects again. This hit isn't a homerun - he's driving it straight back towards the mound. I'll save you the gory details here, as I don't want to lose any sponsors, but Battur... takes out the pitcher, and the second baseman in one fell swoop. With two players down, the at-bat resets. The Cull-aborators fumble, picking two new players for their line-up.
The game has not been going well for the Terminators. They've yet to get a single run, while the Cull-aborators have been getting on the board. Luckily, the fielding has been decent, so it's only 4-0 right now. Up to bat? Battur Runman. The fans in the stand are cheering, on their feet. They seem eager to see him in action. He's Mr. Slaughter Sphere, after all. He steps up to the plate, batting right-handed. Already, the pitcher is overcome by Battur's sheer, intense demeanor. Before the pitch, Battur yells out to the stand. "THIS ONE IS FOR @armoredMorbosa ON CHITTR!!!!" The pitch is thrown. An extremely wide curveball that would a foul, if not for the psionics applied to the ball. Battur holds. Holds. Holds. Right as it enters his range he unleashes. The crack of his bat on the ball a familiar sound. Out. Of. The. Park.
The Cull-aborators' lynchpin is their pitcher, Palyly Fairax, a goldblood that uses her psionics to enhance her pitching. Her past three games have been perfect games. People have taken to calling her "the Battur Runman of the pitching mound." Needless to say, Battur has been riled up on account of this. As expected, she's pitched out three of Battur's teammates. We now move into the bottom of the inning. If things keep going this way, we'll see Battur at the top of the third. Will update you all then.
Hello, all. Battur Runman's manager here, letting you know the game is soon to start. Battur has asked me to "live-chitt" the game for you all, and I will do so. I'll keep it concise, and will try and stick to what's happening with Battur. #1 in the batting order is Funpal Shimax. His batting average is a little subpar - .21, but he's the team's third baseman. Battur is sitting impatiently in the dugout, seventh in the batting order. I'll update you when it gets around to his at bat.
BATTER UP < HELLO, EVERYONE! BATTUR RUNMAN HERE, ALTERNIA'S STAR FUCKING SLAUGHTER SPHERE PLAYER. I AM CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED TO LET YOU ALL KNOW THAT I WILL BE PLAYING A MATCH TODAY! THE THRASHTHRUST TERMINATORS VERSUS THE CRASHLAND CULL-ABORATORS. A HIGHLY LAUDED MATCH BETWEEN THE TOP TWO TEAMS OF LAST SEASON. YOU CAN TAKE A WILD FUCKING GUESS AS TO WHICH ONE WON. YOU CAN WATCH IT ON THE EXE-TAINMENT AND SPORTS PROGRAMMING NETWORK. ALTERNATIVELY, MY MANAGER HAS AGREED TO "LIVE-CHITT" THE GAME ON MY ACCOUNT FOR PEOPLE WHO DO NOT HAVE ACCESS TO IT. EXCITED TO GET BACK ON THE FIELD AND REMIND EVERYONE OF MY SACRED FUCKING MISSION TO ERADICATE ALL BALLS EVER. ALRIGHT! LET'S GET IT TODAY! PLAY BALL! > HOMERUN
can you sign our ball
blink tWice if you need help
BATTER UP < THE GIFT TO SLAUGHTER SPHERE, BATTUR RUNMAN, WOULD BE HAPPY TO SIGN YOUR BALL AFTER THE GAME! COME FIND ME AND I WILL HAPPILY DO THAT FOR A FAN. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < BATTUR RUNMAN NEEDS NO HELP! I AM A SOLE FUCKING AGENT OF ERADICATION ON THE FIELD! UNLESS WE'RE TALKING ABOUT CATCHING WHEN IT'S OUR TURN, THEN YES, BATTUR RUNMAN WILL NEED A LITTLE HELP FROM THE REST OF THE TEAM TO FIELD. > HOMERUN
ill be sure to keep Watch on the gaMe then! do you knoW if by chance that people are able to place bets soMeWhre iM suddenly intrested in throWing My Money aWay With abandon .)
BATTER UP < I HAVE NO SPONSOR AT THE MOMENT FOR BETTING, BUT SUCH PLACES DO EXIST! THERE ARE TROLLS THAT WILL TAKE BETS, AS WELL AS WEBSITES ONLINE! BET ON ME! I WILL KNOCK IT OUT OF THE FUCKING PARK! MY AGENT HAS ADVISED ME TO REMIND YOU THIS IS NOT LEGAL ADVICE! > HOMERUN
legal shMegal the books hate to see Me coMin all bets are on you B) dont fuck this up battur i believe in you!!!
BATTER UP < JUST A QUICK ONE FROM PRACTICE TODAY. EVERY SINGLE SECOND I SPEND ON THAT FIELD IS A GIFT TO EVERY FUCKING TROLL ALIVE. IF IT WERE NOT FOR ME, THESE DEMONS HIT THE MITT. AND YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT'LL HAPPEN IF THAT FUCKING OCCURS. REST EASY, KNOWING I WILL STAND FUCKING STALWART SENDING THESE BALLS TO THE FUCKING HEAVENS. HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/58EBF7B5244F.PNG > HOMERUN
I'm always doing this
BATTER UP < WHICH ONE ARE YOU. PLEASE ANSWER CAREFULLY AS YOUR LIFE MAY HANG IN THE BALANCE. > HOMERUN
The batter of course. My life is always hanging in the balance anyway
BATTER UP < GOOD ANSWER. GREAT ANSWER, EVEN. I HOPE YOU FEEL THE SAME CONNECTION I DO TO MY BAT. LIKE A HOLY WEAPON MADE TO SEND BALLS TO THEIR DEMISE. NO SINGLE BALL SHALL EVER SLIP PAST MY GAZE BUT EVEN 1/100TH OF THE PRESSURE ON MY SHOULDERS WOULD EASE MY BURDEN. > HOMERUN
The Opalescent Striker is my weapon of choice, first over The Hour Hand. It's been core to my survival over the last decade and a half. If I couldn't use that shit to knock a ball into next fuckin year what's the point of doing anything.
BATTER UP < ALRIGHT. BIG FUCKING STUFF HAPPENING. CONTRACT SIGNING. CHECKING ON SOME NEW TEAMMATES, TESTING THEM. STAY FROSTY, I'M GOING TO THE DUGOUT FOR A BIT. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < STOPPED IN FOR A TEST TODAY - THEY WANTED TO SEE IF I HAD USED PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUGS. A PREVIOUS TEAM HAD ACCUSED ME (COWARDS). WE DID MUCH RIGOROUS TESTING. BOTH BLOOD AND DNA (TESTING TO SEE IF I WAS SOME KIND OF MUTANT). ALL OF IT CAME UP NEGATIVE. THE MORAL OF THE STORY? IN LIFE THERE ARE TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE. SOME THAT PATHETICALLY CRY AFTER GETTING 5 CONCUSSIONS IN 2 SWEEPS, AND THOSE WHO ARE SO FUCKING INCREDIBLE THAT NO AMOUNT OF PERFORMANCE ENHANCEMENT WILL EVER BRING YOU TO THEIR FUCKING LEVEL. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < SEEING A LOT OF PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT RELIGION. LET ME TELL YOU, I DON'T PRESCRIBE TO ANY ONE FAITH, BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU I AM CHOSEN BY GOD. MY BAT IS KISSED BY THE FUCKING HEAVENS AND EVERY TIME I SWING I AM DIVINELY INSPIRED. IT IS LIKE WHOEVER IS ABOVE IS ASKING, BEGGING ME TO SEND THE BALLS STRAIGHT TO THEM. AND I FUCKING DO. > HOMERUN
:33 < imagine not believing in baseball troll jesus :33 < troll babe ruth
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this guy rules holy shit
HERETIC.
BATTER UP < NOTHING HERETICAL. JUST COVERING MY BASES. IF YOU'RE GOD, AND THE ONLY ONE THERE IS, THEY'RE COMING STRAIGHT FUCKING UP THERE TO YOU BIG MAN. EVERY SINGLE SWING. IF THERE'S HEAVEN, IT'S GOING TO SPILL OVER WITH THE SHEER NUMBER OF FUCKING BALLS. > HOMERUN
THERE HAS BEEN AN ODD INCREASE OF PERFECTLY JUGGLE-ABLE BALLS SLAPPING INTO THE FACES OF MANY DARK CARNIVAL ATTENDEES AS OF LATE.
BATTER UP < EITHER YOU'RE WELCOME OR SORRY THAT HAPPENED. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < I FEEL AS IF I AM UNABLE TO PROPERLY CONVEY MY FEELINGS WITHOUT THE CAPS. SORRY IF THAT UPSETS YOU BUT I WILL NOT BE STOPPING. I AM TRUE TO MYSELF. AND YOU SHOULD BE TOO. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < PRO SLAUGHTER SPHERE TIP: EVERY BALL IS FUCKING EVIL. THEY'RE EVIL AND THEY'RE GOING TO DO THINGS TO YOU. YOU NEED TO CLOBBER THEM WITH YOUR BAT TO PROTECT YOURSELF. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < PRACTICE IS DONE FOR A LITTLE BIT. OUR PEOPLE HAVE CONFIRMATION THAT ONLY 5 PEOPLE WERE HIT IN THE HEAD WITH BALLS, A RECORD LOW. WE WILL BE SENDING THEM A GIFT BASKET OF BATTING-BITES AND AN AUTOGRAPH. ONE PERSON HAS ALREADY THANKED ME FOR HITTING THEM. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < PRACTICING MY BATTING NOW. IF YOU LIVE IN THE GREATER THRASHTHRUST AREA PLEASE KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE SKY. THE TERMINATORS ARE NOT LIABLE FOR ANY BALLS THAT MAY SLAM INTO THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD CAUSING INJURY, CONCUSSION OR DEATH. ANYWAYS HERE'S ON FOR YOU CHITTR. DING! > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < JUST SAW A FAN OUT IN PUBLIC. YOU MIGHT ASK, THEY RECOGNIZED YOU? IN A BUGGY? YES. I WAS ON MY WAY TO PRACTICE AND THEY SAW ME IN MY BUGGY. MY VEHICLE AND I ARE INSTANTLY RECOGNIZABLE. MY VEHICLE FOR CONTEXT: HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/E9FEDAA02105.WEBP > HOMERUN
:33 < i crashed a golf cart like this into a wriggler day purrty once :33 < i was ripped off of catnip and was mauled by angry jade's afpurr
[[Tandakatan !]] Sounds rough brother I can only imagine the amount of fans you get jumped by on a daily basis. You truly are an idol ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡
BATTER UP < THANK YOU. THERE'S NOTHING ROUGH ABOUT IT. ANY FAN OF BATTUR RUNMAN IS A FRIEND OF MINE. HAPPY TO MAKE THINGS JUST A LITTLE BETTER FOR THEM. > HOMERUN
[[Tandakatan !]] This brother is why you are truly an icon Btw what kind of persons your type ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡
BATTER UP < PLEASE DO NOT SAY THE G WORD ON MY POST. IT IS AN INFERIOR BALL SPORT. OH YES. LET'S HIT A MUCH SMALLER BALL INTO A TINY HOLE. THERE'S ONLY MURDER IN THE ALMOST-COOL ONES WHERE THEY FILL THE SAND TRAP WITH LANDMINES. SLAUGHTER SPHERE ONLY, PLEASE. THANK YOU. I HOPE THE MAULING WENT FINE. > HOMERUN
:33 < it ended alright. :33 < golf
BATTER UP < MY PUBLICIST HAS ASKED ME NOT TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION DIRECTLY, ASSUMING YOU MEAN ROMANTICALLY. INSTEAD I WILL SPEAK BROADLY - ANY PERSON WITH THE WILL TO PICK UP THE BAT AND SWING IT. UNLESS YOU ARE A PROFESSIONAL AND DOING SO BADLY, JUST HAVING THE PUSHER TO TRY AND OBLITERATE ANY PATHETIC SPHERES COMING YOUR WAY IS ENOUGH TO FILL ME WITH JOY. > HOMERUN
[[Tandakatan !]] https://i.postimg.cc/NFrWzP9K/Screenshot-20260512-072738.png ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡
