Battur Runman
@homerunKing
slaughter sphere homerun leader '25, '24, '22, '20. previously played for the outglut allstars. currently signed to the thrashthrust terminators. he/him
BATTER UP < MANY OF MY ADORING FANS WILL, OF COURSE, BE PLEASED TO HEAR THAT THE PREVIOUS CHARGE FROM THE OTHER DAY HAS BEEN DROPPED. THIS IS PROBABLY ONLY IN PART CAUSED BY MY ABSOLUTELY HORRIFIC (POSITIVE) CULLING OF THE CHIEF LEGISLACERATOR AT THE FIRM CHARGED TO PROSECUTE ME. FOR ALL THE NAY-SAYERS OUT THERE, REMEMBER, IT WAS AN OVER-THE-TOP CHARGE DESIGNED TO KNOCK ME, AND MY SLAUGHTER SPHERE GAME, DOWN A PEG OR TWO. WRONG. FUCKING WRONG. I AM THE UNSTOPPABLE FUCKING MACHINE. AS LONG AS I LIVE AND BREATHE I WILL PLAY FUCKING SLAUGHTER SPHERE. EITHER OF THE MOONS COULD NOT STOP ME, BECAUSE I WOULD JUST KNOCK THEM BACK OUTSIDE OF OUR FUCKING STRATOSPHERE. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU! HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/55E676C2F0B1.PNG > HOMERUN
The Perfect Solut|on To All Your Problems.
BATTER UP < HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/0CD22B8A1B21.PNG > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < HOLY FUCK. HOLY FUCKING FUCK. HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < ALMOST THERE. I WISH I COULD SHOW YOU. I'M LIKE TROLL FUCKING JOHN WICK UP IN THIS BITCH. YEAH BATTUR RUNMAN GETS A LITTLE LOOSE WITH THE VERNACULAR WHEN THE SOCIAL MEDIA TEAM ISN'T UP HIS ASS. BITCH. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < AFTER HOURS OF SEARCHING, BATTUR RUNMAN HAS FINALLY FOUND A BUILDING HE CAN CALL "LEGISLACERATOR HQ". I COULD TELL BECAUSE IT HAD A BUNCH OF PEOPLE IN SUITS AND A GIANT FUCKING STATUE OF A GAVEL. MANY TEALS ALSO. NOT TO BE STEREOTYPICAL. ACTUALLY WAIT I DON'T HAVE A SOCIAL MEDIA TEAM CURRENTLY. I WILL BE AS STEREOTYPICAL AS I WANT. ANYWAYS I HAVE DECIDED TO COMBAT MY FUCKING WAY THROUGH TO THE TOP FLOOR AND CHALLENGE WHOEVER THE FUCK IS IN THERE ATTEMPTING TO PROSECUTE BATTUR RUNMAN TO A FIGHT TO THE DEATH. WISH ME LUCK. ALSO IF YOU ARE, FOR SOME REASON, IN THIS BUILDING AND ARE A FAN GO HIDE IN THE ABLUTION ROOM. I WILL NOT HARM YOU THERE. THAT WOULD BE WEIRD. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < HOW MUCH FUCKING GAS DOES THIS FUCKING THING HAVE? THEY'RE STILL GOING. HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/DDDA442C44AD.PNG > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < WITH GOD BEHIND ME THEY'LL NEVER FUCKING CATCH ME. THE HOLY POWERS THAT BE ARE ON MY FUCKING SIDE. FIFTEEN OF THEM HAVE CRASHED. THEY MUST BE RUNNING OUT OF BUGGIES. > HOMERUN
[|87 :: Holy sh;t you’re st;ll go;ng!
BATTER UP < HONESTLY I DON'T KNOW I WAS GOING TO KILL UPWARDS OF TEN LEGISLACERATORS BUT ALL THESE BUILDINGS LOOK THE SAME AND I'VE REALIZED GOREGLING "LEGISLACERATOR BUILDING" ON GOREGLE MAPS DOES NOT FUCKING WORK. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < THE NEWS IS SAYING I COULD GO FOR AT LEAST ANOTHER 15 HOURS. I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN ON MY PALMHUSK THE ENTIRE FUCKING TIME. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < IT'S GOING WELL, I THINK. HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/8A246704ED01.PNG > HOMERUN
* what a curious motorized vehicle! is that approved by traffic legislations at all :?
BATTER UP < IT IS INDEED APPROVED TO BE USED ON THE ROAD BUT AS I CURRENTLY HAPPEN TO BE "ON THE RUN" AFTER "SEVERAL THREATS TO LEGAL PERSONNEL" I THINK THERE ARE BIGGER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT AT HAND. #VIOLENCE > HOMERUN
* yeah that all sounds like a real doozy man. wishing you good luck! killer car for sure, though. definitely a home run choice! hehehe
BATTER UP < I BELIEVE THEY ARE ALSO UPSET THAT I KEEP USING MY PALMHUSK WHILE DRIVING, BUT AGAIN, THERE ARE BIGGER ISSUES HERE. > HOMERUN
* oh shit then get that thing off your hands you gotta focus up!!!!! update us when youre in a safer position geez
BATTER UP < NO IT'S COOL I'M PRETTY GOOD AT THIS WHOLE DRIVING THING AND SOMETIMES WHEN I'M TYPING I SIDE SWIPE THE BUGGY BEHIND ME WHICH I THINK IS GOOD > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < FINALLY FOUND THE FUCKING PARKING LOT. GETTING OUT OF THIS JOINT AS WE SPEAK. SLAUGHTER SPHERE MUST BE SAVED. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < TO COUNT IT OUT FOR YOU, THE TEAM MANAGER, 2 SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGERS, 5 LAWYERS, 17 INTERNS, THE GUY THE DOES THE CATERING, AND 4 PLAYERS ARE CURRENTLY RUNNING AFTER ME IN AN ATTEMPT TO GET ME TO STOP. IT IS HOPELESS FOR THEM. AND YES, I AM TYPING THIS ALL OUT AS I BRISKLY OUT-JOG THEM AROUND THE STADIUM. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < THIS MIGHT SOUND A LITTLE ANTICLIMACTIC BUT I HAVE ACTUALLY NEVER EXITED A STADIUM WITHOUT SOME KIND OF ASSISTANT OR AIDE GUIDING ME. HOW DO YOU PEOPLE DO THIS? I AM TRAPPED IN A FUCKING LABYRINTH WITH NO WAY OUT. AND THE WALLS ARE CLOSING IN. SLAUGHTER SPHERE IS IN ITS FINAL HOUR AND I, BATTUR RUNMAN AM THE ONLY MAN WHO CAN SAVE IT. THAT IS, IF I DIDN'T KEEP RUNNING INTO FUCKING ABLUTION BLOCKS. WHY ARE THERE SO MANY. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < WITH THE REVELATION THAT 'BIG SLAUGHTER SPHERE' IS JUST USING THE LEGAL SYSTEM TO KEEP BATTUR RUNMAN DOWN, I HAVE GRABBED THE WORK PALMHUSK WITH WHICH I AM USUALLY SUPERVISED USING, AND HAVE MADE A FUCKING BREAK FOR IT. MY MANAGER AND OUR LEGAL TEAM CANNOT FUCKING STOP ME. I HAVE ALREADY CHANGED THE PASSWORD. I AM BATTUR FUCKING UNLEASHED. THE LEGAL SYSTEM WILL BE DISMANTLED BY MY FUCKING HANDS. > HOMERUN
|mpress|ve Work Mr Runman, | Had A Feel|ng You Were A Powerful Troll Who Def|ned The|r Own Dest|ny.
BATTER UP < AND YOU WERE RIGHT. THE FUTURE OF SLAUGHTER SPHERE RESTS ON MY SHOULDERS. AND IF THAT MEANS I HAVE TO DISSUADE THE LEGAL SYSTEM BY KILLING UPWARDS OF 10 LEGISLACERATORS, THEN SO BE IT. > HOMERUN
|f That Proves Too Ted|ous You Can Always Just Challenge Your Would Be Captors To A L|fe Or Death Game Of Slaughter Sphere For Keeps. All Th|ngs Can Be Resolved W|th A Game, And |f Someone Tr|es To L|e And Say |t Can't Be Resolved |n Such A Way, You Brute Force Your Way |nto Mak|ng |t About Games.
BATTER UP < ANYWAYS. IF YOU WANT TO SUPPORT ME IN MY COMING TRIAL, I WILL BE SELLING HEADSHOTS WITH MY AUTOGRAPH ON IT FOR 100 CAEGARS. A STEEP PRICE, BUT BE MINDFUL OF THE FACT THAT IF I GET OFF THE HOOK, IT'LL CONTINUE TO RISE AS I KNOCK MORE OUT OF THE PARK. AND IF I DON'T, IT'LL PROBABLY LIKE. FUCKING. 10X OR SOMETHING. I DON'T KNOW. GET IN TOUCH. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < YOU MIGHT HAVE HEARD RECENTLY THAT I, BATTUR RUNMAN, HAVE BEEN INVOLVED IN A LITTLE SCANDAL AND HAVE BEEN ASKED BY MY LEGAL TEAM TO MAKE A STATEMENT REGARDING IT. LAST WIPE, A FAN APPROACHED ME AND ASKED ME TO SIGN THEIR VINTAGE BAT - AN HONOR FOR ME, TO SEE SOMEONE SO ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT THE SPORT, WHO IS ALSO A FAN OF MINE. OF COURSE, I SIGNED IT WITHOUT HESITATION. HE RAN OFF. LATER THAT DAY, WHILE ON A LONG WALK I ENCOUNTERED THIS FAN USING SAID BAT TO PLAY, I BELIEVE IT WAS CALLED "CRICKET". WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? FIRST OF ALL, HARDLY EVEN A REAL FUCKING SPORT. SECOND OF ALL, IT'S NOT EVEN THE RIGHT FUCKING BAT? SO, LET ME TELL YOU, THE FURY THAT I FLEW INTO UPON SEEING HIM USING THAT PRISTINE BAT FOR SOME UTTER BARKBEAST SHIT, IT WAS WARRANTED. IT WAS NECESSARY. AND HONESTLY, I SHOULD BE THANKED FOR THIS. ANYWAYS. I'LL BE BENCHED UNTIL MY COURT DATE IS OVER. FUCK. #VIOLENCE > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < I KNOW I DID. BUT UNFORTUNATELY "THE LEGAL SYSTEM" DOES NOT SEE THINGS THE SAME WAY. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < HOLY FUCK. HOLY FUCKING FUCK. MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT. BIG SLAUGHTER SPHERE IS USING ITS DASTARDLY FUCKING AGENTS TO HOLD ME DOWN. IMAGINE HOW MANY BALLS MIGHT GET THROUGH. HOW MANY PEOPLE MIGHT RUN THE BASES. HOW MANY PEOPLE MIGHT *GULP* REACH HOME FUCKING PLATE. I'M SHAKING. OH FUCK. OH FUCK. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < WHERE THERE ARE SLAUGHTER SPHERES, I SLAY THEM. WHERE THERE ARE PITCHERS, I SLAY THEM. GOOD IS NOT MY NATURE. JUSTICE IS NOT MY PURPOSE. THE RIGHTEOUS PATH IS NOT MINE TO WALK. SLAUGHTER SPHERES AND CATCHERS ALIKE SHALL PERISH BENEATH MY BAT. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < GOING TO START FOLLOWING A FEW ACCOUNTS ON HERE AS MY PR TEAM HAS ADVISED ME, IN THEIR WORDS, "THOUGH YOU ARE A GOD AT SLAUGHTER SPHERE YOU NEED TO LOWER YOURSELF DOWN TO THE LEVEL OF OTHERS AND MAKE THEM FEEL AS IF YOU ARE ONE OF THEM." TO WHICH I SAID FUCKING ALRIGHT I JUST DIDN'T KNOW THAT BUTTON WAS THERE, SO LET'S CHILL OUT A FUCKING LITTLE. IF YOU ARE A TRUE #BATTURRUNHEAD PLEASE LET ME KNOW AND I WOULD BE HAPPY TO DISPENSE A FOLLOW ON THIS WEBSITE. HOW MANY ARE WE EVEN ALLOWED TO FUCKING HAVE. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < DO YOU REALLY FUCKING LOOK LIKE THAT? SORRY. THAT WAS INSENSITIVE. BUT SERIOUSLY. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < MY LEGAL TEAM HAS ADVISED ME NOT TO GIVE A STRONG OPINION ON FANS THAT COULD BE CONSIDERED "INCITING CONFLICT." > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < YOU MIGHT ASK YOURSELF. BATTUR RUNMAN, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN FOR THE LAST WIPE? AND I WOULD TELL YOU. I HAVE BEEN ON A SHORT RETREAT, "CENTERING MY CHAKRAS" OR SOME FUCKING SHIT LIKE THAT. IS THAT WHAT YOU DO WITH CHARKAS? WHATEVER. THE POINT IS THAT BATTUR RUNMAN HAS ASCENDED TO A HIGHER TIER OF BEING. MY THIRD EYE HAS OPENED. NOW, WHEN I STEP ON TO THE FIELD, I CAN NOT ONLY VISIBLY SEE THE SLAUGHTER SPHERES WITH MY GANDERBULBS, BUT I CAN SENSE THE VERY ESSENCE OF THEIR BEING. BEFORE EVEN TOUCHING A BAT, THESE PATHETIC THINGS THINK TO THEMSELVES "HOLY FUCKING SHIT. HE'S GOING TO KNOCK US OUT OF THE FUCKING PARK." SPIRITUALLY AND PHYSICALLY I AM DOMINATING THESE SPHERES ON THE FIELD, AND AS SUCH I AM FORMALLY PUTTING IN A REQUEST TO THE COMISSION TO COUNT EVERY HOMERUN AS COUNTING AS TWO HOMERUNS. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < ARE YOU CERTAIN THIS IS TRUE? I HAVE MANY PEOPLE COMING TO ME SAYING THIS. "I AM YOUR BIGGEST FAN BATTUR RUNMAN." TO WHICH I SAY, WHERE IS YOUR AUTOGRAPHED BATTUR RUNMAN WIFFLE BAT WHICH YOU USED AS A GRUB, IN AN ATTEMPT TO REPLICATE MY GREATNESS? WHERE IS YOUR SIGNED REVERSE-HOLO TRIPLE SLEEVED BATTUR RUNMAN ROOKIE CARD, FROM WHEN I WAS STILL A LEGEND ON THE FIELD BUT LESSER KNOWN TO THE POPULACE? AND MORE RECENTLY, HOW MANY FUCKING BATTUR RUNMAN MEALS DID YOU FUCKING PURCHASE AT TROLL WENDYS? > HOMERUN
https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/1407474205431431270/1507786493542793409/image.png?ex=6a132b19&is=6a11d999&hm=bb1713cc74710994fbbc2110b8228949121ba4e52a9624cf913013a2a7eaf236&=&format=webp&quality=lossless
BATTER UP < INCREDIBLE. I AM TRULY SPEECHLESS BY YOUR DEVOTION TO MY CAUSE. THANK YOU FOR BEING A FAN AND I WILL CONTINUE TO SMASH SLAUGHTER SPHERES INTO THE FUCKING STRATOSPHERE. HOLD FAST. I WILL NOT FAIL YOU. MY BIGGEST FAN. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < FOLLOW UP ON MY LAST POST. THIS PART ISN'T AN AD BUT PLEASE YOU HAVE TO GO BUY THAT FUCKING MEAL. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MANY FUCKING TERMINATOR'S THEMED SLAUGHTER SPHERE SKULLCAPS, BATTUR RUNMAN EDITION WE HAVE. IT'S SERIOUSLY A FUCKTON. LIKE I CAN'T BELIEVE THE FACTORY ALLOWED THEM TO ORDER THAT FUCKING MANY. THEY TOLD ME HOW MANY THEY HAD GOT AND I SAID "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? ARE YOU STUPID?" MY LAST TEN MEALS HAVE BEEN THE BATTUR RUNMAN MEAL AND THAT'S ONLY ACROSS TWO DAYS. I SERIOUSLY NEED SOME FUCKING HELP HERE PLEASE. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < YOU WOULD HAVE TO EITHER CONTACT TROLL WENDY'S CORPORATE (UNSURE IF THIS WILL WORK), OR I DON'T FUCKING KNOW. WAIT TWO MONTHS FOR THE COLLABORATION TO END, AND THEN CHECK THE DUMP BECAUSE THERE ARE JUST THAT FUCKING MANY OF THEM THAT WE WON'T BE ABLE TO SELL THEM ALL. FUCK. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < LISTEN THIS IS REALLY NOT THE TIME BUT DO A #AD FOR THIS AND I CAN MAYBE PUT YOU IN CONTACT WITH TROLL SUBWAY. I KNOW YOU'VE ALWAYS FUCKED WITH THEM. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < I'LL TALK TO LEGAL AND WE'LL SEE WHAT WE CAN DO. I'M SCARED THEY MIGHT TRY AND PITCH A BATTUR RUNMAN POPCORN BUCKET AND I'M NOT SURE THE WORLD IS READY. > HOMERUN
BATTER UP < I AM CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED TO LET YOU ALL KNOW THAT YOU CAN NOW GO DOWN TO YOUR NEAREST TROLL WENDY'S AND PURCHASE THE "BATTUR RUNMAN MEAL". THIS CONSISTS OF THE RUNMAN BURGER (FOUR PATTIES, CHEESE, SOME LARD AND A MYSTERY SAUCE WHICH I AM BEING TOLD IS MOSTLY SAFE FOR CONSUMPTION), BATTUR FRIES (A LARGE FRY WITH SAWDUST-SHAVINGS FOR FLAVOR, LIKE A BAT, GET IT?) AND A LARGE TROLL SPRITE ZERO. BUY FIVE BEFORE THE PROMOTION ENDS, AND YOU'LL RECEIVE A LIMITED EDITION TERMINATORS SLAUGHTER SPHERE SKULLCAP, BATTUR RUNMAN EDITION! ALRIGHT, ENOUGH TALK! LETS GET OUT THERE AND... PLAY BALL! #AD #SPONSORED > HOMERUN
https://file.garden/X5nOw-a95myVyjmt/images_-_2026-04-27T200901.652.jpg #collab [∙]
BATTER UP < SORRY FOR THE SLIGHT ABSENCE. I'VE BEEN SPENDING A LITTLE TIME COACHING THE OTHER MEMBERS OF THE TEAM. THOUGH NOT EXPLICITLY MY JOB, THE BEST OUR CURRENT COACH CAN DO IS STRATEGY - HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THE PRIMAL URGE IT TAKES TO KNOCK THEM OUT OF THE FUCKING PARK. THE ADRENALIN YOU SEE AS THE BALL FLIES SKY FUCKING HIGH. THE RAGE ONE FEELS WHEN THEY SEE A COCKY SMIRK ON A PITCHER'S FACE. THEY'RE PRETTY GOOD AT SAYING "HEY MAN, THROW IT TO FIRST" WHEN WE'RE FIELDING THOUGH. LIKE YEAH. NO FUCKING SHIT. I WAS ABOUT TO THROW IT TO THIRD. DUMBASS. > HOMERUN