Way back when I was just a little bitty boy, living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the hive, half a block down the street from Jerrie's Bait Shop- (You know the place!) Well, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy! Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning my lusus would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast! Daww, big bowl of sauerkraut! Every single mornin'... It was driving me crazy! I said to my lusus, said, "Hey, lusus, what's up with all the sauerkraut?" And my dear, sweet lusus, she just looked at me like a moobeast looks at an oncoming train! And she leaned right down next to me... and she said, "It's good for you!" And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth! And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was 11 sweeps! That's when I swore that somenight, somenight I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place.. where the moon is always crescent and the air smells like warm death.. and the corpses are oh so rotting, where the clowns and the priests play their games all cycle long. And anyone on the street will gladly cull anyone for a caegar... Wacka-wacka-doo-doo, yea! Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn't long at all before my dream came true... because the very next night, a local radio station had this contest where you had to guess the number of lives The Manntrap had taken, I was off by two but I still won a grand prize! And that was a one-way guarantee to... The Alpocalypse! Ya, the Alpocalypse! #PartOne #HarbingersofTheAlpocalypse.
gotta admit the universal constant of "weird al" makes me a little happier.