YOU KNOW I DONT KNOW HOW PEOPLE ARE ABLE TO SHOW THEIR SKIN OFF AND WHATNOT, IT FEELS WEIRD WHENEVER IM NOT WEARING ANY SORT OF ARMOR OR SHIRT. IT FEELS LIKE IM EXPOSING MYSELF IN A BAD WAY, LIKE I'M LEAVING MYSELF VULNERABLE FOR A ATTACK THAT COULD HAPPEN AT ANY MOMENT EVEN WHEN IM JUST SWITCHING SHIRTS, I ALWAYS FEEL ON EDGE AND TAKE A MOMENT TO INSTINCTUALLY SCAN AROUND THE VACINITY JUST TO MAKE SURE I'M SAFE, AND ALSO BECAUSE I THINK MY SKIN LOOKS UGLY. I DONT THINK MY SCARS LOOK GOOD, I MEAN SHIT. MY FACE LOOKS HORRIFIC, A PORTION OF MY LEFT CHEEK IS OPEN AND A PART OF THE LEFT SIDE OF MY GUMS ARE CONSTANTLY EXPOSED, YET I NEVER HIDE IT. #NSFW?
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I MEAN YEAH THEY PROBABLY ARE METAL BUT LIKE, YOU DONT SEE A FUCHSIA WITH SCARS. THEY LOOK PERFECT, THEY DONT LOOK.. MANGLED, THEY ARENT AFRAID TO SHOW THEMSELVES. I DO PROBABLY LOOK LIKE A BADASS, BUT ITS THAT FEELING I GET WHENEVER IM CHANGING ARMOR OR CHANGING SHIRTS THAT KILLS IT FOR ME. THAT SIXTH SENSE OF SORTS THAT WHENEVER IM NOT IN ARMOR, IM ALWAYS IN DANGER BECAUSE IM NOT WEARING IT. LIKE I DONT FEEL SAFE OUTSIDE OF THAT OF THE METAL PLATES.
MAYBE IT WILL DULL WITH TIME, BUT I CANT. BECAUSE WHO KNOWS WHEN THE NEXT DEPLOYMENT WILL BE AND IF I DONT REMAIN SHARP, IM GONNA END UP DEAD.
ITS LIKE I HAVE TO BE ON-GUARD 24/7 AND I NEVER GET A CHANCE TO FUCKING BREATHE FOR ONCE.