my life has been so batshit insane for so long that i dont think i know how to have a "normal life". i dont think i could exist in one. i need to have things happening. to me, about me, or around me. or i will be devoid of purpose. lord of nothing. thats what wreath is, by the way. at least partially, from what ive gathered. "shit happening around something else". forming loops and cycles around that thing. sometimes being completely irrelevant to whatever its orbiting. ...oh, its past 9pm. i guess now that i get tired again after godtiering, i should probably be following the "dont trust your own brain after 9pm" rule, huh. ...and i forgot to eat something for dinner. going without food for over a year because you didnt need to eat will kick that habit, i suppose. have to build it back up even though even the most simple of flavours are too strong. i can taste the minerals in the most basic of water. ...i need someone to beat some sense into me before i become a villain simply for the sake of giving myself a reason to exist. goodnightlight, chittrlings, or good evemorning to those waking up.
look obviously i dont fully get it cause youve been through more shit than me. with your "alpha timeline" whatever junk. but its not impossible for things to get back to some semblance of normal. or for i guess a new normal to be born. like how our normal went from rotting in our roommates apartment to rotting at the computer in wd gasturds green bullshit mansion. and how my normal went from that to like. living with haru and occasionally fighting sburb enemies to train and working on a plan to kill that guy? man im just rambling at this point uhhh idfk the point is. you can get a new normal. shit can be chill again. stuff happens sometime's yeah but you dont have to have stuff happening constantly girl just just chill. aight?
my "normal" went from rotting at the computer in gasters mansion to killing people for fun and for the sake of the angels prophecy. my new normal after that was... fine, sure, and i wouldnt undo any of it for anything, otherwise i wouldnt have met deva. but when stuff has been happening so long and so consistently, the newer normal felt dull in comparison. thats partly why i selfishly wanted to play sburb, i needed to break free. to have something new. something for *me*, for me to do. something important. you dying was kind of just... an excuse to finally go through with it.
...and now with my session over, things are arguably even *more* fucking dull by comparison.
im not a therapist idk how to help with allat but you might just have depression dude remember how hollow you/i felt before wingdings kidnapped you/me and katt? youre just. falling back into that mindset
im supposed to be fucking better than that.
what because youre a lord now? gimme a fuckin break dude youre letting that shit get to your head. you need an ego check or something. youre not suddenly "better" than you were before just cause youre more cosmically sburbified and stronger or whatever