um ookayy tthiss is. my ddiaryy tthatt i sstartedd! #ffoursdiaryy ---- ookayy i am. mmakingg tthiss a ddiaryy now but i. ddontt kknoww rreallyy wwhatt. i am ssupposedd to say in a. ddiaryy eexceptt for mmaybee. "ddearr ddiaryy" but. i am ddoingg it now. mmostlyy i jjustt tthinkk tthatt. i llikee to be hhappyy and. i ddontt wwantt to be. wweirdd i ddontt wwantt. to be the sspecimenn and mmaybee if. i ttalkk too mmuchh aaboutt. bbeforee ppeoplee wwilll tthinkk too mmuchh aaboutt. tthatt i am tthatt. i wwantt to be. jjustt ffourss. but i aalsoo wwantt. to ttalkk aaboutt it bbecausee it. is all of. eeverythingg i had and. was and did. and. ssomee of it i tthinkk. was bad or mmaybee. mmostt of it i ddontt kknoww. i wwantt it to. not be bad i wwantt. for it to be ookayy wwhatt hhappenedd and. not bad and me to be not sad or sscaredd or ffeell wweirdd aaboutt it. i tthinkk pprobablyy tthatt. not all of the. big ddoctorss wweree ttheree wwhenn. i lleftt and tthatt is. a llittlee sscaryy bbecausee. i kknoww tthatt vvinenoo. mmadee the ooness ttheree. die and i ddontt wwantt. ppeoplee to die but. it is sscaryy to kknoww ssomee ccouldd. be ssomewheree sstilll kknowingg me and. wwantingg to. do tthingss to me sstilll mmaybee. ttheyy wwouldd. ttalkk ssometimess nnearr me but not. to me and ssometimess aaboutt. me but ssometimess not. and i ddidntt llikee. wwhenn ttheyy did tthatt. i hhavee a. mmemoryy of hhurtingg and. bbeingg sstrappedd and ccryingg and a. ddoctorr llaughedd but she wwasntt. llookingg at me she was. llookingg at aanotherr ddoctorr ttheyy wweree ttalkingg aaboutt. a sshoww or a ssportt or. ssomethingg ffunnyy and. she llaughedd wwhilee i was ccryingg tthatt wwilll be my. ddiaryy for now i ssaidd. a lot i ddontt. hhavee mmoree wwordss lleftt i tthinkk rrightt now. but i hhaventt. mmadee tthesee tthoughtss be wwordss bbeforee so now i. hhavee. ookayy tthankk. you bye ddiaryy ---- and um tthatt is all for now!