@tentacleTherapist — #askorbie
@cesarianAqueduct My, my, what a fortune you have yourself here. It is incredible, really, how you have somehow managed to predict your own fate. I was meditating on the visions Orbie was sending me, and I couldn’t figure it out; what did black ink, horses, and death have to do with anything? And then, I saw it. See your own words below from just 24 hours ago: “i eat a hoofbeast wwe lock eyes i squirt ink blotches into your face in defense and in your confusion you die” I have to say, I’m impressed. But who is the victim of such a crime? I’m afraid I don’t know. All I can offer is a rendition of th...Read more
@fondlyRegarding To inspect a pickle is truly an honourable task, and one that shouldn’t be taken for granted. It is a big dill, after all. You will soon come across a pickle during your inspections that will seem normal to many; to you, however, you will clock it for what it is. A Trojan horse meant to deliver arsenic to an unsuspecting Droog! Oh, the agony. It will be a perfectly good pickle, too. For shame. You must make sure that it never crosses his lips. #askorbie
@adiosToreador Your next FLARP is going to be truly epic, Orbie tells me. It truly will be akin to a gigantomachy in scale, a war between giants and gods through a proxy body, and you will have your work cut out for you. Also, Terezi said she would be down to play in it, but that isn’t part of the fortune. She just let me know. Exciting news. #askorbie ; my apologies for the delay. The Gift comes when it wants.
@surlyTabloid Your attempt at cooking something malicious was successful, not just in the immediate gratification (or disgust) I am sure you experienced whilst eating it. In the next week, you will begin experiencing… interesting symptoms. Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble. #askorbie ; my apologies for the delay. The Gift comes when it wants.
@apocalypseArisen Orbie is asking me how your brothel plans are going? He says that, if left unchecked, it could mean a large sum of boondollars being stolen from a safe in your wardrobe, heist-style, complete with bandits in striped mime outfits and masks. You love an adventure, though, so perhaps this is fortuitous. #askorbie ; my apologies for the delay. The Gift comes when it wants.
@fatallyForever Apologies for such a late reading. It seems like I will be issuing a lot of such apologies shortly, but you happen to be my first victim. That being said, I consulted Orbie of your fate, and… I have to admit, it isn’t looking optimistic. You’re a helmsman, destined for a life of servitude. It’s unfortunate, really, but fear not; there is somebody that may come into your future to keep you company (who isn’t a horrible tyrant). Look out for a Jadeblood who may fulfill that role. #askorbie is back, everyone. Again, apologies for such a delay. The Gift comes when it wants, it seems.
@gardengnostic#0133 I have to say, Orbie and I both admire your positivity. It’s infectious, if not naive. This is what your reading is about today; it urges you to think very carefully about who you give away that positivity to. It’s a gift not to be overused. Your future depends on it. Not to be cryptic or anything. #askorbie
@lipstickThesbian Leave it to an alternate version of me to have a child just like you. This, as my good friend Jade would probably say, “totally rules!!!!”. Anyway. My crystal ball detects some silliness in your future in the form of bowling shoes, dish soap, and a very slippery linoleum floor. My advice; Alchemize some cleats and some elbow pads. Good luck with your theatre tech endeavors, sort-of-daughter. #askorbie for more via my pinned, dear readers.
@thespianTestified A distant ecto-sibling once told me that forgiving the sins of our forebearers is the just thing to do. Orbie and I, however, say fuck that shit. Well, I say that. Orbie here says that you have made the decision on the path that is your truth. He would, admittedly, also say this if you had chosen a different path; thus is the great twist of life. Your truth is always the correct one, your True North, and your fortune today simply tells you to seek solace in that. I know it’s hard. It is hard for me too, with my own guardian. #askorbie for more via my pinned, dear readers.
@packageHandler Now this is a fortune I’ve been itching to jot down. When you first requested, your energy was astounding. Blinding, even. For a moment I forgot where I was when I gazed into Orbie’s sweet, faceless abyss. Your package handling is going to lead you on an incredible adventure. There is a package to be collected from an outpost just five miles from your most recent station, measuring 4 centimeters by 21, which contains… Well. I can’t say, lest I risk a paradox. It is imperative however that you take it to its destination. I know you are capable. My deck and Orbie say they believe in your...Read more
@turntechStrider It seems you’ve settled into somewhat of a state of domestic bliss with your matesprit @carcinoVantas . As your lesbian ally, I salute you. Karkat, your boyfriend has requested a fortune telling, and so therefore I must simply see to it that Orbie and I do this service to the utmost quality. You understand, surely. To be unwittingly subjected to a reading, however, makes things slightly murky. I see the two of you in the near future… somewhere dark, that smells like detergent. There is a window, perhaps a porthole, fogged over. A handprint slaps upon it suddenly. Is it an attempt to e...Read more
@tropophilicCharades Where one does not speak, one can listen. Very closely, at that. Your keen awareness for others will do you very well in the coming days, especially on your podcast. I have listened to it. Very enlightening stuff. #askorbie for more fortunes.
Hm. I think I am going to create a hashtag for my readings. #askorbie . Orbie is the name of my crystal ball.