i didnt even bother to speak up about my intro post this time around registering onto the site because i read the pinned and realized the sheer futility of my situation also, what the fuck, me, you really put this to a vote? whats wrong with you- er, me?
theres nobody left to listen to my friends dont know the situation and cant give me advice on it because they have all either unwittingly facilitate it at best or have really bad conclusions on it at worst. i dont trust listening to myself because im now biased both against my friends and my own life, but refuse the idea to be their executor in taking that life. so... its you. its all of you. its been you from the start, and now it must be you in the end.
thank you, sensei
i kinda am. but ive come to understand that is the true fatalism underneath being a bard of time; bards facilitate stories, and here ive given this story to you all. within time, trapped inside it, now it must conclude, and the story ends just as it starts: right here, right on this website.
maybe it will. and maybe, it may be more of the same. but eventually, everyone carves out a home. and though i dont want to carve out a home with them, whats most sickening is that i know them best, and a part of me still feels responsibility towards them. the bond isnt dead; its just so, so, so... rotten...
that is 0ne of the shitty blue marble's fav0rite tricks. but the classes are always what you make 0f them, much mores0 than the aspects. a shame. but at least there'll be an ending.
an ending is really, really what i crave the most.
I'm really sorry, Timi. I really am.
as it's my prer0gative two repeat myself: it's a real beach ain't it.
fuck. it sure is...
its okay. its not your fault. it was... everyone's in my session. me included, first and foremostly. i never focused on the session properly because i just... liked the idea of hanging out with my friends physically for once; all of us together, like ive always wanted to. we were so happy together. we made so many beautiful memories. it hurts think about them. but now they are cast a darker shade of pain. i think ultimately thats just what growing up is. putting those sentiments away and genuinely locking in shouldve been our perogative from the get go, but... it felt nice. just to be with people, being told what to do. the obedience truly felt like love. and maybe, still yet, they love me too. but i cant. because i cant even love me now. not from what ive done. not from whats transpired here.