i think whats fucked up is that this entire time, pushing with my friends to finish the game quickly, trying to get the prize so we can all hang out on the planet, it never it dawned on me what i was even going to do there. crudely, perhaps, a part of me just thought to make a cute little house and live in it and meet with my friends as much as i could. i never really had goals, or aspirations, or wants or needs i just pleased people really well. i pleased my parents, i pleased my teachers. i was good at doing what was asked of me, so i figured thatd just be the easiest track to follow. infinity... in either direction, created or unmade, is so... terrifying now...
B:33 < its ok to not know what you want B:33 < im sure its hard but... what else is there?
i guess i just want to want, period. but, maybe its others i want, and everything else is secondary...
g0t what we'd called a lowbl0od mindset. sure gets weird. invest in s0me fucked up hobbies.
i wouldnt even know where to begin. though, i guess, while playing the game, i was really into examining the enemy mobs by vivisection. they werent real, and i wanted to know how they worked after prototyping... biology is always cool.
vivisecting the constructs? s0meone g0t their hands on an m-rated install. it c0ntinues to be unsurprising the sc0pe of h0w it got fucked. taxidermy is a pr0ud alternian tradition th0ugh so why n0t? i own several dubi0us businesses two waste my ag0nizing time.
yeah. to be fair that was kind of a me thing. prototyping kernels was such a weird experience and since we were trying to make them weaker, someone had to do the uglier stuff to see if the physical weaknesses were visible underneath all that bodily chitin they had.