i think im having a real actual crisis
Do you need someone to listen patiently?
probably but the extent youre willing to listen matters here cuz its kinda like my whole world is crashing down around me and i refuse to let myself process it
I am sat, and I have a full pot of hot tea.
?
ok so like what do you do when you realize that maybe the thing you do for work might actually be exploitation and morally fucked? and what do you do when you realize that you cant hold a proper friendship with someone without making it weirdly sexual?? and what do you do when youre thrown into a committed relationship despite having no idea how to be a good partner OR person??? like youre self centered and mean and dont understand how to be genuinely sweet and mushy because youve never had an example to go off of and youre worried youre gonna break your bestboyfriends heart from the sheer intensity of your suckiness and sluttiness???? im not really ready to actually have these questions answered but its killing me and i need to air it out i think
I see. Yes. I understand. Perhaps... More than you may think. Sometimes just getting it off your chest is what's necessary.
perhaps im just so thrown off dude i dont know how to be good but i feel this mad strong urge to suddenly turn shit around and be the greatest guy ever probably so i can be someone he deserves but also cuz i think im disgusted with myself which is lame made a friend and i cant help but make everything awkward and gay got a boyfriend and i cant even say i love him without feeling a fucking pit in my stomach everything is stuck in this uncomfortable middle ground of "what the fuck does dave want from me" and the answer is i dont know the thought of changing things into something serious makes me wanna puke my guts out from like fear but i cant help saying the odd shit i do it just happens and i regret it and im not trying to hurt anyone but i dont know how any of this works and im rambling and this is embarrassing and im gonna stop now
You are on the precipice of a transformation, it will be uncomfortable, and you will not be perfect. But you are allowed to not be perfect, Dave. You are being your own worst critic.