added after i wvrote out my thoughts: this is a lot longer than i intended, i just vwoicing a thought or wvhatevwer. nothing important i think wvhat bothers me about idolizing people is the massivwe disconnect betwveen someone's belief in you and your actual self. it's one thing if that idolizing is wvarranted and based on reality. like "I lovwe this person and idolize them for their music" vwerses "I idolize this specific vwersion of you i created in my mind" and no matter howv much you wvould evwen try to fit into that standard the goal post of wvhat is expected of you is movwed and that mental image of them in their head is further removwed from wvho you are. i can't change wvho i am as a person; fundamentally, i am happy wvith wvho i am, enough to knowv that trying to fit someone's narrowv image of me wvould depress me. Then there's the entire ordeal of them being wvholeheartedly disappointed in wvho you really are. i'm not a great person, i knowv that im a piece of shit, but im doing better for myself and those around me, but man, wvhen people see that "good," they think that's all you are, and they sure wvon't accept the flawvs. i dont wvant people to idolize me, i just wvant friends wvho like me, and ivwe got those and ivwe earned them. i dont need a wveird fucking fan to make unrealistic assumptions about me as a person.
i only skimmed this but im glad youwve growvn past putting me on a pedestal, im real proud of you
wvhy don't you use that endless mouth of your to nibble on my ballsack
because im #notgay remember?
dude i dont idolize you nevwer idolized you.
also i wvon't use #notgay in any convwersation because i fuck dudes. #nsfwv.
i forgiwve you
hey good for you man i aint #homophobic im just #notgay