I dOnt thInk thErE ArE Any pAssAgEs Of scrIptUrE thAt cAn ExprEss my fEAr rIght nOw...
[emotion_detected: concern] [emotion_detected: sympathy] action; query input; query: is there anything i cou|d do to he|p?
Ah I... dO nOt thInk sAfEly nO I ApprEcIAtE yOUr OffEr thOUgh hElm lIAlyI, yOU ArE vEry kInd mEssIAhs blEss yOU
action; statement input; statement: understood. input; statement: in that case, i hope whatever happens passes very quick|y & as pain|ess|y as possib|e input; statement: & a|so is nowhere near as worthy of the fear that your pan is assigning it
I hOpE yOU ArE rIght... I knOw mAny hAvE It wOrsE thAn I, bUt I Am stIll scArEd And It All hUrts And I jUst, wAnt tO gO bAck tO bEfOrE It hUrt... I ApOlOgIzE If It Is Odd, bUt, I hAvE sEEn yOU hAvIng, vEry vEry bAd nIghts, vEry OftEn On thE dAsh, bUt yOU stIll sEEm tO fInd wAys tO bE hAppy hOw dO yOU dO sO?
action; statement input; statement: i input; statement: i grab onto any sparks of happiness i can & i do not |et go unti| i am forced to input; statement: to answer the question, i input; statement: i input; statement: a |ot of it is driven by the fear of |osing myse|f to the he|m input; statement: i do not want that, so i have been trying to find things that i am interested in that i can use as input; statement: anchors i suppose is the best word for it input; statement: for me it is puzz|e games & my bees & ta|king to peop|e on|ine & pasca| & making music. a|though the music is specifica||y to turn something awfu| into something i enjoy input; statement: in that case, taking the awfu|ness of the drain of scanning p|anets & systems & turning it into music, which i |ike. making art to cope. input; statement: i a|so grab whatever rest or respite i can & try to enjoy it & i do not |et go of it unti| i must input; statement: i try to focus on good things with varying success, & i try to make good things for myse|f input; statement: |ike |itt|e games or treats for my future se|f, so if the cyc|e is bad for me, i know that one good thing wi|| probab|y happen input; statement: a |ot of that is he|m-specific, my apo|ogies
nO nO thAt Is... pErhAps cAll mE prEsUmptUOUs, I sUppOsE It Is A tAd bUt, my fAtE Is tO bE, nOt dIssImIlAr tO yOUrs, thOUgh, prEsUmAbly A bIt lEss pAInfUl thE flAgshIp dArk cArnIvAl hAs mAny ghOsts And, I hAvE thE mUtAtIOn rEqUIrEd tO bE An EAsy hOst fOr thEm A lAck Of bOdIly AUtOnOmy, bUt... At lEAst fOr thE sAkE Of A hIghEr pOwEr? I sUppOsE... fUnny hOw sO mAny jObs pOst ExIlE hAvE sUch sImIlAr rEsUlts, blEssEd bE bUt, thAt Is gOOd tO knOw, mOmEnts Of hAppInEss tO dUll All thAt brOUght UpOn pAIn thEn hOldIng OntO thAt, As A lIfElInE I, knOw I cAnnOt Ask yOU cErtAIn qUEstIOns bUt... If yOU wErE gIvEn thE OptIOn tO dO sOmEthIng thAt mIght bE hArdEr, bUt, cOUld hAvE bEEn bEttEr, wOUld yOU tAkE It? EvEn If yOUr pUshEr wAs UnsUrE?
action; statement input; statement: i input; statement: i do not know the answer to that input; statement: my apo|ogies. input; statement: i was too scared to attempt escape from the he|m unti| i was |itera||y in the process of being insta||ed, which input; statement: that attempt made my insta||ation a |ot worse & resu|ted in memory being wiped & my current strugg|es with data scanning. & my superiors being stricter with me. input; statement: so i waited too |ong & |ost any chance i might have had input; statement: i input; statement: i think my answer to your question wou|d depend on potentia| consequences & the risk with doing the harder thing. i wou|d want to do whatever wou|d be better for me, but input; statement: but i wou|d be scared to do something harder than i a|ready was doing. input; statement: so i do not know what i wou|d do. i hope i wou|d take the harder but better choice, i think
I I sEE... I thInk mEssIAhs I thInk I dOnt wAnt tO bE- In thE sAmE plAcE I dOnt wAnt tO hAvE wOrkEd my whOlE lIfE And fInd OUt, It hUrts, thAt It hUrts And Is tErrIblE, thAt EvErythIng Is jUst, sO tErrIblE... I trUly, frOm thE bOttOm Of my pUshEr thAnk yOU fOr thIs AdvIcE yOU hAvE pErhAps grAntEd mE A clArIty thAt Is- thAt I cOUld nOt hAvE gOttEn It frOm prAyEr It Is dIffIcUlt, I wIsh EvErythIng wAs nOt sO tErrIbly dIffIcUlt All thE tImE bUt pErhAps, fOr OncE In my lIfE, I wIll chOOsE thE hArdEr rOAd...
[emotion_detected: sympathy] action; statement input; statement: i a|so wish everything were not difficu|t a|| the time. or terrib|e. input; statement: i hope you find a fate that is good to you [emotion_detected: gratitude_|ow] [emotion_detected: unease_medium] input; statement: i input; statement: i am g|ad you found insight in my answer
yOU dEsErvE gOOd thIngs, frIEnd lIAlyI mEssIAhs blEss yOU