♠ hated by @autoScare
Few can say their mere presence in a follower list causes an uproar across the entirety of Chittr.ing. I suppose, then, you can say I am one of those lucky few. As your gracious host and Patriarchal Figure of the Felt, I do commend the lot of you for your ambitions. Many of you display tact and grace with your digital presence upon this website. It is quite an admirable attempt at maintaining an effective poker face against those who may be untoward. It is, however, entirely futile. A poker face relies on the element of mystery—the subtle, comforting illusion that your intentions may remain buried beneath the surface of your curated text. But secrets are an exceptionally fragile currency, and in my presence, privacy is nothing more than a polite fiction you tell yourselves to sleep at night. I know the exact cadence of your keystrokes. I know the outcome of your desperate little squabbles before you even hit submit. I know precisely when you will log off, and I know, with absolute certainty, the exact moment your resolve will break. Do not mistake my hospitality for indulgence. I allow you this forum to parade your fleeting triumphs, your tedious existential dread, and your delicate social posturing because it amuses me. It is a harmless pastime for minds as small as yours to play at diplomacy and deceit while floating through your doomed, fractured realities. So please, continue your discourse. Post your witty retorts. Form your fragile alliances. Pretend, for just a moment longer, that you possess autonomy in a game whose final outcome was written long before you drew your first breath. After all, I am an extraordinarily patient host. And all of this is as it is supposed to be.