Today's meal to try and pair with wine is: Steamed hams, at the recommendation of a write-in from Sideline magazine. Verdict: Ugh.
√(Wait. Didn't you already try that one?)²
I was told it would be better with cheese. It wasn't.
√(Wait are you trying the same wine every time and just pairing it with different food? Have you tried a white wine? A rosé?)²
What do you take me for, an idiot? Of course its different wines.
√(Well I figured if you were running experiments you wouldn't just be changing variables willy-nilly. Different food should = same wine for the most accurate results.)² √(I mean, how do you know steamed hams [with or without cheese] are a bust just from a single ham and wine combination? It sounds to me like you need to try your hams [with and without cheese] with every possible wine option. Go back and do it with every meal you've tried so far.)² √(You know. For science.)²
Ugh..That means I need to procure more of this. Very well. To the coffers.
√(Sorry, man. Good luck in your wine tastings, defiitely keep us updated.)²