WHY DO SOME PEOPLE HATE SO HABITuALLY. THIER SCALP STARTS TO BALD. uNTIL IT ALMOST RESEMBLES MY IMMACuLATELY SHINY DOME. THEY GROW GREEN WITH ENVY. SO FuRIOuSLY. THEY START TO PRACTICALLY PALE IMITANT. THE LIKENESS OF MY EMINENCE. AND THEY SCRATCH AT THEIR OWN CHEEKS. IN MADDENING FRACTAL SPIRALS. uNTIL THEY WHOLE ASS. COSPLAY ME. LIKE I LIVE RENT FREE. IN THEIR SPACIOuSLY EMPTY MINDS. LARPERS. I WAS BORN THIS HATEFuL. I WAS MADE TO BE AN uNMAKER. YOu FuCKERS PLuCKED AN ERASER NOSTRIL FREE.
BATTER UP < SOMETIMES WHEN I SEE SOMEONE WHO IS BALD, IN A SINGLE GLANCE MY MIND MISTAKES THE SMOOTHNESS FOR A SLAUGHTER SPHERE. FOR A MERE MOMENT, "THE BEAST" TAKES OVER AND I CAN FEEL MYSELF PINING TO KNOCK IT CLEAN OFF OF THEIR FUCKING SHOULDERS. AND THEN I REALIZE THEY ARE JUST BALD AND MOVE ON. > HOMERUN
ghuuu sometimes we eVil hheuhe..h ↑_(ΦwΦ)Ψ
YOu HAD ME REALLY ROOTING FOR YOu uNTIL THREE MAJOR MISPLAYS. ONE. EVER BOWING OuT WITH YOuR BAT BETWEEN YOuR LEGS INSTEAD OF RuNNING FOR HOMICIDE THIRD BASE. TWO. PINING TO KNOCK SOMEONE’S HEAD OFF INSTEAD OF INSTANTLY AND ACTIVELY HACKING AWAY AT IT LIKE A SuPER SLuGGER SHOuLD. AND THREE. YOu ARE BALD YOu STuPID FuCKING SCROTE. FRIENDLY FIRE IS NOT ENABLED. AND. STRIKE. YOu ARE OuT.
BATTER UP < YOUR FIRST PITCH? MAYBE. A STRONG MAYBE. I ONLY EVER COMMIT HOMICIDE ON THE FIELD. WHEN SOMEONE DECIDES TO SET FOOT IN MY FUCKING DOMAIN, THEY HAVE MADE A GRAVE MISTAKE. AND ALSO LEGALLY ARE ALLOWING ME TO DO THAT TO THEM. YOUR THIRD THROW? UNTRUE. BUT YOU WOULDN'T EVEN GET TO IT, BECAUSE YOUR SECOND? OUT OF THE FUCKING PARK, INTO THE PITCH BLACK YONDER. HACKING AWAY? WITH A BAT? MORE THAN ONE HIT? ABSURD. THAT'S THE KIND OF TALK THAT GETS YOU A SINGLE - NO. NOT EVEN. THAT'S POP-FLY TALK RIGHT THERE, BUDDY. I SPIT AT THAT KIND OF TALK. EVERY HIT, A MIRACLE. EVERY HIT, A HOME-FUCKING-RUN. NO QUESTION ABOUT IT. > HOMERUN
THEN SWING. BATTER BATTER. NONE OF THIS QuITTER. LEGAL COMPLIANCE TASK. THAT SHIT IS JuST SAD. I WILL NEVER BuY YOuR TRADING CARD. AND DISPLAY IT IN A TEMPERATuRE CONTROLLED MASON JAR. WITH GLITTER AND GLuE. PRESERVING YOuR LEGENDARY SHEEN FOREVER. IN THE STARDuST OF MY NuM NuMS. IF YOu DON’T KILL SOMEONE NEXT INNING. EVEN JuST NAILING A POOR SON OF A BITCH IN THE AuDIENCE WITH A SPINALLY CuRVED BALL.
BATTER UP < YEAH? NOTED, BUDDY. WATCH MY NEXT GAME. I'LL SHOW YOU THE TRUE MEANING OF SLAUGHTER SPHERE. AND YOU'LL SEE WHY THEY CALL BATTUR RUNMAN THE GREATEST FUCKING PLAYER OF ALL TIME. IF I CULL ENOUGH OF THEM I THINK THE COACH WILL HAVE TO STEP UP TO THE MOUND. HE MIGHT CRY. > HOMERUN
…
YOu. ALRIGHT. BATTER RuNMAN. RuN WITH IT. AND DO NOT DISAPPOINT.
AND TO BE CLEAR. THIS IS A CLEVER NICKNAME. FOR THE BATTERY AND ASSAuLT YOu WILL COMMIT. YOu ARE CONFERRED A “NICK NAME”. OF MY ORIGINAL DIVINING.
BATTER UP < I LIKE IT. AND I NEVER LET A FAN, OR A POTENTIAL FAN DOWN. > HOMERUN