Johnathan "The Cyclone" Egbert
@everlastingBreath
((main: hate bot))
i think i left my burglar out side for too long. do you think he's an icicle now?
i just witnessed a man get a textual tongue lashing, his behind will be sore for weeks.
Ill say! Cant have any fun anymore what with all her fame and public image hullabaloo. The lady is merciless i tell ya.
You're about to get a real lashing if you don't suck it up and quit acting like I'm the crazy one, boy!
Oh but im wrong for posting a domestic violence joke. Tsk tsk tsk!
It's not a domestic if you like it. #Suggestive #Wink #CanWeNotDoThisUnderJohnsPost
Good heavens woman you really know how to lay it on thick!! Yes i believe we oughta take this somewhere more covert before you decide to let the general public know further what may or may not get me hot under the collar in the bedroom but also you are sorely mistaken! #Suggestive #Terriblysorryjohnny
dad. help. @pipefan#4749
did you talk to him? because now he's at our house. well, my house. but still. a house that is vaguely your house, too.
help someone is a tmy door righ tnow i dont knwo wha the fuck is oging on?????????
help i need the police right now.
i’m fucking around. literally do not give a shit about your gay boytoy and your love island drama.
not really helping me out too much, uuhhh... if the police won't come, maybe come crash over here?? i can make some room if you need!
so. this is weird. some weirdo is in my dms telling me he's gonna kidnap me. i might need the police. or my dad.
have you considered blowing his head clean off with a bazooka? i dont like have one for you to borrow but you could consider the thought anyways
you know. i didn't think about that until now. and now i really can't stop thinking about it.
so this weird family dynamic has turned into me dating bro, which makes me dave's wife. and some how i'm also bro's step mom?
Yes. Everything beyond "dating Bro" is complete bullshit. This post is profoundly unintelligent even for your standards.
i'm not the sharpest crayon in the box, but i am a crayon.
why am i subjected to this kind of bull shit immediately?
listen. i've developed feelings for a certain mistress of the night, and you're not her. plus i'm homo phobic again.
yes. keep hating my chitts. it feels like i'm getting some where.
i thought i saw something outside my window. hm.
i dunno what would be outside my window i'm on the second story! weird.
do you think he really is my boy friend? he's gonna fuck me in like 2 seconds from now and i'm still wondering.
you know i'm pretty straight but a big buff man like mr. strider could turn me in a heart beat.
i feel sick. why do i feel sick?
what if you did. what if you came and dug your fingers up inside of me and made it all better?
sensational head lines and they don't even put all the information in the article. fuck man.
this is your sign to tell you know who to block their prince charming. fuck that guy.
he thinks i'm deterred from malarkey. it is only in my nature, dude.
help. i'm starting to feel worried. he's getting clingy. it was just a one night stand!!!!
we kissed and talked and next thing i knew i was married with 6 and a half kids and now he won't stop chasing me down!
it's the story of our life. you just were asleep for most of it. time to wake up rip van winkle.
Sometimes you say such moronic things. It makes me question why I'm attracted to you at all.
guys. if i end up missing in the next 24 hours. it was bro strider.
can you guys stop liking and pitying my posts, please.
sorry guys. dave made me homo phobic again. i've revoked my gay members card.
just because i birthed us 6 and a quarter kids, doesn't mean i'm tethered to this mortal coil of wifedom.
You are. You're so tethered. I'm handcuffing you to me. You'll never get away.
oh my god. is this the real wife simulator game? that's actually kinda hot.
are you gonna fondle my taint and teabag my face, too? #nsfw
is that a yes or no? i like being cuffed to you, bro. we could do so many couples things.