oh gods i found an old voice message from myself to jade... this is embarrassing, but i just laughed so hard i couldn't breathe for a moment. [voice message from "john": “okay, hi, um. tiny problem. maybe medium problem. possibly universe-level problem, actually. so you know how everybody said earth c was supposed to be, like, peaceful? new beginning? fresh start for humanity? whatever? tell me why there is a goose here that hates me personally. like not geese in general. just me. i don’t know what i did to this thing. i was literally minding my business! i was carrying groceries home, humming to myself, thinking about movies, having a perfectly normal adult evening, and this feathery demon spotted me from across the park like i owed it money. and before you ask, yes, i ran. no, i did not win. you know how humiliating it is to get chased through a public area by a goose while slightly high? because apparently i do now. apparently, this is character development. and the worst part is dave saw the whole thing happen. the whole thing. he didn’t help me at all. he just stood there narrating it like a nature documentary. (in his best dave voice) 'here we see the lesser egbert fleeing from his natural predator, the overgrown park chicken.’ i hate him so much. anyway if i die tell everyone i was taken out by an evil overgrown park chicken.”