Finally, here we are with the discussion we last left off on. I should offer a 8rief refresher for those that missed last week’s. I investig8ted the difference 8etween harmful lies through gossip and the passing of inform8tion for the safety and integrity of the group. If you alone knew something that would 8e 8eneficial to come to the light of others, would you reveal it? Would you guilt yourself into 8elieving it is immoral and “gossiping”? Would you put your reput8tion on the line if it meant telling the truth, even if it appears that you are simply 8utting into some8ody else’s 8usiness? Now here’s another dilemma. How do we, as outsiders to the gossiper, determine if their reput8tion is worth thwarting? How do we find out if they are 8eing truthful and looking out for others, or if they themselves are the danger they speak of? Here is a comprehensive guide. Or, perhaps, not entirely comprehensive, 8ut I have learned a thing or two a8out how 8ehavior matches with one’s thoughts, 8ack when I used to use my mind so loosely and casually. Much of the determining factor lies in the dramatics. How do they speak on the topic, do they seem to 8e exagger8ting 8eyond the accepta8le story em8ellishments? Those that are coming to you with what they would refer to as “juicy gossip” or “tea” will often linger on the emotional judgement. They will emphasize the poor decisions of others, and read into parts of a situation they may know nothing a8out. Specul8tory discussions can 8e 8eneficial, 8ut too much of a good thing can always come at a detriment. You can most certainly look too far 8etween the lines, 8etween the 8etween the lines! They may accompany the aforementioned judgements with direct commentary on the person’s character. They may tear them down, lessen the perception of their value in general. Sometimes, they draw their conclusions into a8solutes. This is almost never an accurate portrayal, for any8ody. “They ALWAYS take too long to respond.” “They NEVER greet first.” This is pro8a8ly not factual. There are likely times that they have contradicted these a8solutes that are simply ignored and waived in the name of proving a point, or supporting an argument. It’s important that when making these discernments, you ask questions. The answer is not nearly as important as how they respond su8consciously. They may even 8e capa8le of retaining a calm, cool and collected demeanor, 8ut there are always tells. The shifting of the eyes, which direction they tend to look when they lie. Sometimes they will 8egin fiddling with their appearance passively. A little hair tuck here, an adjustment of jewelry, a smooth swipe over the 8row. Other times, it’s in their positioning. When some8ody is 8eing untruthful to me, and I know for a solid fact what the reality holds, I do sometimes attempt to dig deeper. It’s not 8ecause I want them to tell me the truth, or to manipul8te them into shame, I want to know their reason. Why lie? Perhaps they have a justifia8le or understanda8le reason. 8ut when I ask those questions, in order to get a glimpse into the cracks, the movement can even 8e so miniscule as a full 8ody tilt, a few degrees in the other direction. Of course, it is not realistic to say that every8ody can pay so much attention to these little cues. It comes easier to some. 8ut don’t worry! Any8ody can train themselves to 8ecome 8etter at understanding 8ody language 8eyond reading the most 8asic animalistic needs, such as who is an immediate threat, and who offers resources and comfort. There are o8viously some more forward signs of some8ody’s falsities. Those that get a kick out of it are the easiest to read. I don’t even have to decode their motivations! Oftentimes it just 8oils down to them not having anything 8etter to do. A lack of ho88ies and interests. Jealousy. If they seem excited 8y some8ody else’s misfortune without much reason, please take their words with a grain of salt, and avoid spreading such inform8tion until you can properly verify it. You will run your own reput8tion into the ground. Not only as a liar, 8ut as some8ody gulli8le enough to 8elieve anything they hear. Last 8ut not least, and certainly not all, ask yourself what this individual could come to gain 8y the downfall of another. This can 8e quite vague. The gain ranges from general dislike, and finding satisfaction in the failure of this person, or some other specific reasonings such as wishing to 8ecome their replacement. Whether that 8e in occup8tion, quadrants, social status, or some other contained environment where moral standing holds gre8t weight. Now, I know this leaves the question. Well I now know how to tell if some8ody is 8eing a 8acksta88ing 8astard, 8ut how can I ensure that they have positive intent? How do I know if their words hold enough truth to warrant taking it to the group? Well, the most o8vious answer would 8e in what they are trying to protect from this person’s carelessness. What are they really worried a8out? They should 8egin 8y expressing concern. May8e they are looking out for your health, safety, financial wealth, or emotional st8te. This should come along with specific details and examples that draw the conclusion where it may affect more than what has already 8een affected. Another contrasting element would 8e the dramatics again, or lack thereof. If they are purely expressing their concern through their warning or “gossip”, there will 8e practically no dramatics. Perhaps something more akin to panic, 8ut they will 8e more focused on getting the cold hard facts down on the ta8le, rather than specul8ting or making a huge scene. They may pull you aside priv8tely and speak quietly. And again, addressing the questioning. You should test their reactions 8y asking things such as, “How did you find out? Have you talked to them a8out it?” There should 8e almost no defensiveness. They should admit if they do not know a part of the whole situation without applying their own guesswork or treating the question as if it is an invitation to make assumptions. When some8ody is acting out of earnest concern, their 8ody will tell as well. They may gesture openly with their hands and arms, as opposed to the closed off posture of some8ody trying to convince you that fantasy is reality. Eye contact is a tricky one. I am aware that many people struggle with direct eye contact, 8ut vigilant avoidance is much more noticea8le and unnerving than simply staring at one thing in their focus. It is important to note that these tells are only small fragments of what you would take into account overall during the interaction. One may 8e defensive a8out questioning due to their own insecurity, assuming that you do not trust them. They might take it personally. I have had this happen quite a lot, honestly. People love to guard their validity 8efore proving it, or lack the a8ility to consider that may8e I am asking simply 8ecause I am interested? I am not sure why that’s so hard to understand. 8ut that’s not what I’m here to discuss. In the end, all I must say is that you can only use so much from the surface as a point of reference to verify some8ody’s intentions. You must always question their motivations at the very least, and of course apply pre-existing knowledge on their 8aseline mannerisms 8efore you jump to your own conclusions on the matter. May8e they mix the story up 8ecause they are forgetful! 8ut they gain nothing from spreading such inform8tion. Perhaps then, you should heed their warning, investig8te further, and warn your companions to prevent further damage. I am aware that the majority of this comes as second nature for most, or that it is text8ook information. 8ut my purpose for relaying it here is to just spread the knowledge for those that would not seek it out themselves, or may not trust their instincts on things that they have already noticed and 8rushed off! If you have any suggestions for future topics, feel free to leave a comment, a direct message, or an anonymous su8mission to my ask 8ox. ::::) #MindfangMusings
<-]--[~~ excellent and extremely informative write-up on thiS topic.
Thank you. I am very glad you found it to 8e informative. ::::)
8=l < Many things to consnicker with this one
Oh certainly. People are fickle. There's so much more to this still.