Porrim Maryam

1 week ago

@gregariousArtistry[GA]

Diary Entry #6 I dreamed abo+ut her again, last night. I do+n't remember many o+f the details, but I recall fleeting mo+ments o+f passio+n, and so+ft mo+ments o+f tenderness. And to+wards the end, I remember so+mething else... The phanto+m presence o+f her, in my mind, so+o+thing my co+nscio+usness and guiding me thro+ugh acts that so+meho+w felt even mo+re intimate than anything physically co+ncupiscent, while also+ being mo+re gentle than even the so+ftest caress... Needless to+ say, I wo+ke up in quite a state, and spent the first ho+ur o+f my day tending to+ that. I can o+nly co+unt my lucky stars that I live alo+ne, and do+n't have to+ wo+rry abo+ut any no+sey ro+o+mmates accidentally o+verhearing me as I bury my face in the pillo+ws while mo+aning her name, and making a mess o+f my sheets. Again. After I cleaned myself up, I began to+ also+ think abo+ut ho+w it feels so+ strange, that the dreambubbles and the dreams o+f everyday life can be so+ clo+sely related, yet so+ co+mpletely separate... I kno+w fo+r a fact that o+ne is no+t the o+ther, and they even feel different. No+ matter ho+w go+o+d o+ne may be at lucid dreaming, it still do+esn't ho+ld a candle to+ the bubbles, as far as ho+w real everything is. If I to+uch so+mething in a dream, at best, it feels like I'm watching a mo+vie fro+m a first perso+n perspective, o+r maybe there's a phanto+m sensatio+n if it's so+mething I've felt befo+re. But the bubbles allo+w o+ne to+ actually feel the to+uch o+f ano+ther, and lo+se o+nes self in the little things that the physical wo+rld is to+o+ o+verwhelming to+ take no+te o+f, no+rmally. It must be so+me kind o+f sick co+smic jo+ke o+f the Universe, that the waking wo+rld sho+uld have so+ much happening in it at all times, that simple things like ho+lding hands, o+r feeling the co+o+lness o+f ano+ther's fingers trailing alo+ng o+ne's skin sho+uld be so+ easily o+verwhelmed by everything else happening. Meanwhile, even the mo+st intense lucid dream makes everything feel as if it's smo+ke o+r mist, if it has any sensatio+n at all. But the bubbles have the perfect amo+unt o+f awareness and sensatio+n, to+ let yo+u enjo+y tho+se so+ft and quiet mo+ments fully, witho+ut distractio+n o+r being o+verwhelmed... But it's because things no+rmally feel so+ disco+nnected, that they may as well be a dream. Seems as tho+ugh no+ realm is perfect. Everything is either to+o+ much, to+o+ little, o+r to+o+ fleeting... Maybe I was wro+ng, fo+r having given up my Go+dtierho+o+d, and my endless existence in the dreambubbles, in exchange fo+r a 'real' mo+rtal life... If I'd stayed there, perhaps I'd have met Aranea anyway, and we co+uld spend o+ur days and nights to+gether mo+re regularly? But wo+uld she have even no+ticed me, if I hadn't bro+ken the pro+verbial mo+ld, and returned to+ life? O+r wo+uld she simply have seen ano+ther po+int o+f data? Ano+ther Po+rrim playing o+ut the same life sto+ry as a tho+usand o+thers, just with a few mino+r tweaks to+ when I did certain things befo+re dying... I do+n't think I'll get much do+ne to+day, diary... Perhaps I sho+uld just cancel to+day's appo+intments at the sho+p, and clo+se it fo+r a little while, while I so+rt thro+ugh all these tho+ughts? I co+uld take the mo+to+rcycle fo+r a ride into+ the desert, and clear my head a bit with the sun and wind... #nsfw #shestillthinksthisdiaryisprivate