four years old. After that, Pawnee’s father took [a hard look at his life. He hated what he saw. He ran away,] lived in tents, rode elephants, and hid behind bushes [to watch his ex-wife fool around with the Vice President.] [Pawnee was heartbroken. She spent the next few years living with her uncles, Greg Daniels and Michael Schur.] When she turned ten, [she had a mental breakdown when she realized that she was simultaneously a human girl and an entire town with a population of 79,218]. That’s when she came to Wiggins to stay with her grandmother [and try to forget about the inherent contradictions of her being.] [The large town] thought she’d be bored living in [a much smaller town]. But then she met Anna and Pam and became a Pony Pal. [Pawnee] told Anna that she had more adventures being a Pony Pal than she did [during the Pawnee Bread Factory Fire of 1922.] Anna and Pam Crandal lived in [squalor] all their lives. Of all the Pony Pals, Pam knew the most about [gambling] and [casino heists]. Pam’s mother was a [disgraced railroad tycoon], and the Crandals had lots of [jars of formaldehyde and everyone was afraid to ask why.] Pam rode a pony [like a fucking maestro of equine flesh.] [Pam : pony :: Mozart : piano. ONLY BETTER.] Anna and Pam met in kindergarten when Anna showed Pam a drawing she #DetectivePony