Their high-pitched whinnies almost sounded like screams. [Holy fucking shit.] “None of them looks hurt,” [squelched Anna]. Pam ran up beside her friends and handed each of them a halter and [a copy of Honey I Shrunk the Kids on VHS.] When Lightning saw Pam, she stopped running [for office and dropped out of the highly-contested gubernatorial race]. Pam went over to her pony. “It’s okay,” Pam said in [Aramaic, the only language Lightning spoke]. “[You can retool your platform and run again in four years.]” She slipped [an envelope of cash to another pony in the paddock. “Good work,” Pam whispered to this pony. “The governor thanks you for your service.”] [Lil’ Seb] came over to [Pawnee]. The pony snorted, but she let [Pawnee] put on the [air of superiority which she was so fond of adopting at moments like this.] Pam was leading Lightning around in a circle, too. “[I know who your real father is, Pawnee],” she said [coyly. Pawnee stiffened, but said nothing in response.] Acorn was the last pony to stop running. Anna went over to him and put her hand on his [[censored]]. She stroked it gently. “What’s wrong, Acorn?” she asked. Acorn snorted [a line of cocaine] and shook his head. [Even if he had been able to speak her language, how could he tell her what was wrong? It would be impossible for a mere human to understand the forces at play here. For how does one explain atomic warfare to a caterpillar, or heartbreak to a bacteriophage?] #DetectivePony