This is a public service announcement to all Earth C residents. My name is Jack McGee, investigative reporter for the National Register. I am currently pursuing a fugitive wanted for the double murder of David Banner and Elaina Marks. His identity is unknown, but his aliases include John Doe and the Hulk. Physical description: 7 feet tall, green skin, incredibly strong. He is known to metamorphosize into a caucasian male of average build and brown hair in order to blend into a crowd undetected. If you see this man, do attempt to approach him directly as he is considered very dangerous. Instead, get to a safe location and contact me immediately. The National Register is offering a reward of $10,000 to anyone who can provide information leading to the capture of the Hulk. This reward will only be granted upon the creature's successful arrest. So even if you offer a tip about his location, you won't get any money if he manages to escape. This isn't a charity, people. We can't afford to give out money for every lead. Do NOT message me with bogus claims and false leads as I am very, very busy with this investigation. Thank you for your cooperation.
What the fuck is this bozo on about
I'm alerting the public of a dangerous fugitive on the loose. The creature has already claimed two innocent lives and it's in everyone's best interest to be on the alert.
Bullshit, David Banner ain't that easy to kill ya fuckin' with me.
I assure you, Mr. Sleuth, on my honor as an investigative reporter that I am not lying. I attended the man's funeral, and what's more I was there at the scene of his death. I witnessed the explosion at the Culver Institute, how Dr. Banner rushed inside the burning building only to never be seen again. That's when I first saw the creature emerge holding Dr. Marks's body in his arms. That's why I'm so determined to hunt him down. Justice must be served.
Pssh. Well we'll see 'bout that. Ain't not fella on Serious Businsess is like to go down that easy in my book. Those mooks can survive the end of the world, I reckon. I'll have to look into all this myself.
Well by all means, go ahead. A reputable gumshoe like yourself can only be a boon in a case like this. Just be sure to stay in touch and throw me a line if you find anything. I still have a story to write, after all.
Well at least ya know your doughnuts when it comes to sleuth, unlike other members of the press. I'll give ya that, Jacky.