Problem Sleuth
@pulchritudePowerhouse
One of the top Problem Sleuths in the city. Solicitations for my services are numerous in quantity. Compensation; adequate. Taken by @tenebrousGuardian (Banner by arok318 on DA.)
> You are one of the top Problem Sleuths in the city. Solicitations for your service are numerous in quantity. Compensation, adequate. > PS: Create an vaguely OOC introduction pin already! > Your (not often advertised) name is PHIL STERNWOOD and you're as human as can be, though you're located in the Carapacian-locale of MIDNIGHT CITY. Though as an original trailblazer in the field of FRENESTROLOGY you can hit the bricks and be found all across space time from EARTH C to ALTERNIA to the DREAMBUBBLES and everything in-between. As a resident PROBLEM SLEUTH you tend to get up to all sorts of SHENANIGANS and GOINGS-ON. People looking to solicit your services (or solicit in general) can feel free to do so with your DIRECT-MESSAGES always open. You in fact are happy to IN-PERSON ROLEPLAY there or on MXPARP, whichever is more convenient. You're a shameless FLIRT and often make it known to all the dames, but despite your womanizing ways you love a strong independent woman who CAN LITERALLY JUST KILL YOU. Moreover you've picked up a slew of DOMESTIC SKILLS to try and impress and chat with women, from COOKING to FASHION. Lately though, those trolls and their ALLURING HORNS have made you question if your interests are purely DAME FOCUSED or if you're more flexible in your interests. Regardless, clients should expect plenty of # substances in your posts, as well as the occasional # nsfw post here or there. But as a real GENTLEMAN most of your real proclivities will be behind closed doors and nothing too NSFW should be found on your profile itself. > LOOKING FOR A HARD FELLA TO SLEUTH YOUR PROBLEM? THINGS GETTING TO HOT TO HANDLE? NEED A TOUGH STUD TO SORT IT ALL OUT? 1-800-HOT-STUD https://i.postimg.cc/2ShhJ3DZ/sl.png
Rose and Jade should be comin' 'round the bend soon. Really weird to finally be meetin' two people I constantly see alternate versions of postin' on the dashboard. This alternate timeline bullshit is stupid.
c< i caN uNderstaNd tHat MucH, but.... yeaH, HOpefully its gOOd >c
!! jade gets to hang out with rose??? :D youre on old earth right????
Uh...yeah, in a sense. In this circumstance Jade got picked up from her island by my ladyfriend Roxanne to live a normal life and kinda started dating Rose, eventually. I think I got a picture of them saved on this phone here... https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/147178ee4fbf.png
!!! barkbark she looks so happy!!!!!!!!! :D <333333 thank you for showing me this mr sleuth and tell roxanne thank you for saving jade!!! ...um is her dog still in the picture?
Sure thing, but ah...from what Roxanne told me the only reason she was able to get Jade off that island was because their dog kinda just. Vanished. After their copy-a Sburb failed to launch. Might still be out there for all we know. I'll maybe try to ask Jade 'bout it if I get the chance. She'd probably know better.
i dont get it... i just dont get it why would he leave her? galactocentricGarden's bec left her too but i why would i ever leave her like that... :( woof...
...Egh. Listen I'm not expert on the subject, but from the sounds-a things that dog was there to make sure all that game nonsense went smoothly, right? So in a world where the game never gets played maybe they just felt the need to y'know. Step aside. Let 'er have a normal life. Fall in love, meet her friends, go to college, all that kinda jazz. Could say they did it outta love or somethin'. Ya know the sayin'? If ya love someone you haveta let them leave the nest? Could be somethin' like that.
... maybe...... it would break my pusher though :(
its okay! bec was the best friend a girl could have sometimes i do get sad thinking of him i wont lie but then i remember all the good times we had instead! just like grandpa and roxanne and rose i wouldnt be the girl i am without them i dont regret a thing and im grateful for everything they did for me! <:)
bark bark bark im so glad!!! i love you and i know he does too!!!!!!!!
Hey I pretend you're taller than me don't mediate that I thought we had a deal here. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/0e31a48220a7.png
Clocked
[BEGIN MESSAGE] gir1z gir1z. y0u are b0th pretty. [END MESSAGE]
wowie I know that guy !!
[BEGIN MESSAGE] whatever y0u zay. [END MESSAGE]
I'm 5'11. Basically 6'0 if you add the hat.
>> ¡f ¡ waડ 5'11", ¡ wou1d def¡n¡te1y juડt te11 peop1e ¡ waડ 6'.
>> @aeneaડCa1dar¡um don't hate my comment, we both know you'd do the ડame damn th¡ng.
im literally six feet tall
>> Oh, 5'11, got ¡t.
((He's 5'11"))
https://forms.gle/yMyPwR4tt2WfVYwa7 Q: "I've been waiting on that quiche recipe Sleuth" ~ @singularityManifest A: The wait is over, boss: 1 Pie dough for single-crust pie 1 tbs olive oil 8 oz (225 g) bacon, diced small 1 small onion, diced small 1/2 sweet red pepper, diced small 5 oz (140 g) washed/dried fresh spinach, roughly chopped 6 large eggs 1 cup milk 1 cup shredded cheese, divided (prefer a combination of swiss, cheddar, asiago, and parm) Optional large pinch of dried oregano 1/2 tsp salt 1/2 tsp ground black pepper Make or buy single-crust pie crust and put in a 9" (23 cm) pie dish and crimp. Refrigerate. [No need to pre-bake.] Preheat oven to 350F (175 C). Saute onions, pepper and bacon in olive oil. Once cooked to soften, add spinach and cook to wilt. Remove from heat and cool. In a large bowl, whisk together eggs, milk, 1/2 cup of the grated cheese, optional oregano, salt and pepper. Add in the sauteed bacon veggie mixture and pour into the crust. Sprinkle the rest of the cheese evenly over the top and bake for 35 to 40 minutes or until no longer jiggly. A knife inserted in the center should come out clean. Let cool for 20 minutes before cutting.
Much ★ppreci★ted.
#pass #suggestive #bucketsmashorpass
https://forms.gle/B96ERfns9c6ZZLV2A Q: "How’d you get into the sleuthing business?" ~ @bummelBoogie A: Sayin' I was "Born into it" might sound like a cop-out, but it might very well be literal. The machinations-a my existence are an enigma. The long and short of it is I existed in somethin' beyond what you types call 'The Outer Rim' in a world largely theoretical, or 'imaginary.' It makes questions of my life before bein' a sleuth hard to pin down. Gave me a real existential fit for a while, but I got over it. Real or not, alive or dead, I'll always be pretty dandy.
Still, I feel bad for all the lovely bachelors and bachelorettes on this site that no doubt were hopin' to throw their hat into the steamy, swirling romantical rat race that was a relationship with the ol' Sleuth. Maybe if I joined this site ten years earlier, but alas. I'm a committed fella now. Maybe if you're lucky the next Sleuth that joins will have an even fraction of my charms and rugged good looks for ya all to indulge in.
https://forms.gle/gA9N7TGu2m5xnTUV7 Q: "When you gonna finally pop the question?" A: Heeeeey now. We've only been together in an official capacity for a month or two now, y'know? Things're already movin' fast, don't want to miss out on some good times to try and rush through 'em all. Still, maybe after a sufficiently romantic or exciting moment. Like after some big adventure or harrowing experience that leaves us closer and relieved about each other's safety. Then maybe in this theoretical situation I might, y'know, pop the question.
Anyway fuck it, let's kill some time. Send me your hard-hitting, fast-talkin' questions. Everything from personal ancedotes to sagely life advice is available at your local Sleuth's office. The doctor is IN. https://forms.gle/jDp7uTrovYjPYxFh7
Y'know I think it's a longshot askin' folks here, but I don't suppose anyone's got any potential advice about meeting your lover's two kids for the first time in person, right? I mean I'm a pretty dandy guy, but I dunno if the gals will realize that. Generational gap. Different values. Rap music. Y'know. All that sorta stuff that creates a divide between generations.
Damn, Link. I appreciate the vote-a confidence, even if I feel a bit strange gettin' it from a fellow rip roarin' dame-type such as yourself. Not to imply I'm also a dame-type. But if I was I'd definitely be as rip roarin' as you.
Please, my trusted constituent. Advise me to the best-a your ability.
u can always buy em w food
What do kids in their twenties even like? And they're like them cerebral "Gotta proper education types" that clearly have fancier palettes. Come to think of it I hardly even know the hell Roxy likes, let alone Rose...she's weirdly unwilling to lemme use the kitchen by myself for some reason.
First thing, try to find a interest in common.
Jade likes guns, I know that much. But I dunno if guns are effective ice-breakers here. Well, they ARE. But the not the kinda ice-breaker I'm lookin' for when I usually show someone a gun.
I have found the most important aspect is to be yourself, and to acknowledge their importance over your own. You are not a replacement for a second parent, but can be one if they choose and the relationship continues to grow. It is also important to acknowledge that you understand they are their parent's top priority—not yourself. I have found I have earned some understanding in stating that I would also like to consider them a priority, if that is something they would like me to do as the relationship moves forward. My most important word of advise is, of course, to be yourself. Clearly their parent saw something in you; you merely need to allow them to see it as well. Also, they are probably nervous meeting you as well. First impressions are not everything, but positive ones are certainly helpful. Please let me know if there is any more information you would like from me at this time.
▂▂⌇ The situation's a bit complicated so I dunno if I'm effectively 'replacing' anybody, but there's definitely somethin' to be said about how I've got a professional and personal interest in...everyone's happiness. I guess is a way to put it. Either way, you're right Prez. It's unbecoming of a fella like me to have nerves for somethin' like this. My intentions are pure, I'm a charming guy, and I have a full commitment to the missus. I'm sure a pair-a smart girls like them will be able to get that. Still, thanks. I'll keep in touch in case I need any 'stepdad' advice from the veritable master, ey?
mmmm the safest option would prolly b 2 bring them to a fancy shmancy restaurant!
Damn that's right! Rox would know all 'bout what's big with those high-society intellectual types. Gotta remember this is a joint effort, I'm sure she can feed me on what place is fancy enough to feed us. I knew I could count ya. There's a reason I fell head over heels for one-a your weird alternate timeline selves, even if that feels like a real weird thing to type out loud.
Given how weighty things have gotten recently, I have made the executive decision to be funnier. You can thank me later.
!!! CAN YOU TELL A JOKE THEN? :D
You drive a hard-bargain but you're absolutely right. I feel like I haven't wet my whistle in ages too. Which is nuts considerin' I live somewhere with an at-home bar now. But it just don't feel right drinkin' alone in those circumstances like back when I was a bachelor.
Uhhhh sure! Why do dogs like to run around in circles? 'Cause it's a lot harder to run in squares!
PFFFFF THAT'S SILLY! OKAY MY TURN. DUMB ONE WHAT'S A DOGS FAVORITE FORM OF TRANSPORTATION? A WAGGIN!!!!!
c< HONestly, MaKes seNse, differeNt feeliNs aNd all tHat >c
Alright I think I gotta brush up on my jokes. If I'm competin' with the likes of you, my competitions gonna be stiff. Gotta go train in the mountains. Get my dog-ree in bein' funny.
That and it's just sadly been one-a those times to keep a clear head. I'm meetin' the missus kids in person soon so my gut tells me to take a shot or two to clear my nerves. But somehow I feel like that's a bad idea. Which is fucked, 'cause I used to solve all my problems with drinkin'. When did the world get so complicated?
c< a lONg wHile agO, MetHiNKs.... aNd NOw weve beeN left iN tHe dust, driNKiN away prObleMs we cOulda sOlved sOber.... gaH, sOrry, 2 Heavy, but, yOu get wHat i MeaN >c
Well, guess it ain't too late to make the change. Here I thought I'd be dyin' young but I guess I gotta lotta livin' left to do. I'll be drinkin' to mine and others health instead of into an early grave, I s'pose.
c< gOg, aiNt tHat tHe trutH.... >c
Pretty sure there's already an evil me 'round this website but I got a job and a girlfriend so I ain't got time for all that.
Yeah he over 'round my replies sometimes. pestilenceSanctified I think their account is.
Evil is only for the turbo virgins, folks.
How horrifyin'.... A Sleuth that never got any action. I can't imagine what that'd do to 'em. No wonder they went off the deep end.
I feel like there's some implications that aren't great here, but this bit is funny so I'm not going to examine it.
I gotta remember to make one-a those question forums thingies when I get the care too. The people gotta be dyin' to ask me about all the important issues. Like the current economic situation, or how to bake a perfect quiche, and even the status of my sex life.
I ★ctu★lly ★m re★lly interested in th★t second one.
>> G¡ve uડ a11 three
I am too. Roxanne has been teaching me to use this fucked up device called an 'ove-in.' It's like a microwave but longer, but also the food doesn't come out tasting the same every time you use it. So I'll keep you posted on my progress.
I kinda slept outta my office for most of my life. Specifically under it, mostly. No real place for an oven. This whole 'living in a house' business is new to me.
Not until I get that askbox open. Y'know. For engagement or whatever the kids are always on about these days.
To be honest I was kinda expectin' to die young. "Half-as-long, twice-as-bright" kinda deal so I never thought I'd get to this stage. It's...grown on me. I won't lie.
I should learn how to play guitar. Just enough to, y'know, surprise folks when I bust out a hard-boiled melancholic rendition of Man of Constant Sorrow or somethin' when the chance arrives serendipitous. I promise to not be that guy that goes to parties and plays the guitar too loud in the corner to an audience-a no people.
C★n you pl★y wonderw★ll?
Had to look that one up. Is that what you're talkin' about? 'Cause I could give it a shot. https://youtu.be/3yQFebRcznA?si=X4mYpZtPyISVK1Ic
The beach ain't all that bad by the way. Think I'll prefer to do my hangin' out in bars and the like though. Shorts just ain't my style.
The poses helped
Thank Sy, I know if nobody's got my back that you got my back.
#ournotsorry
You’re listening to… With Midnight City having suffered such a tragic loss with the death of our Mayor, we must not despair. We must carry on his ideals, even in the darkest of nights. Midnight City can shine more beautifully than ever as long as we build off the foundations our Mayor raised. For the Light of Democracy can make our home a shining beacon for those who want to live a free and happy life. That's why Serenity is the best choice for Mayor in the upcoming Special Election. Who better to carry the Mayor's torch than our very own firefly? By reflecting on our past, it'll show us the path to a brighter future. Vote Serenity for Midnight City Mayor. Paid for and Approved by the Serenity for Mayor Coalition #SerenityForMayor …Midnight City Jazz!
Ha ha...I can't believe they actually bought the ad space! I'm a real big fan so I heard this alongside everyone else! It was a surprise, but I'll certainly say I stand by with this message! And please, thank you everyone working at K2E1 for the ad space!
You’re listening to… We're happy to be of service, Miss Mayor! Best of luck in the upcoming election! …Midnight City Jazz!
This cat's always lookin' like I owe him money when I'm just tryin' to eat my breakfast. You merely adopted bein' a freeloader, puss. I was BORN IN IT. Better get used to me bein' here.
What? No. That's ridiculous. Wait...knowing Rox, maybe that's not completely out of the question. She's a bit weird about her puss....
he does have little snow booties and a puffy winter coat for when i let him play in the snow. 😊
// {:o] // i like tHis puss. may He g n many adventures. HeeeHeHHH. H nk.
mister sternwood was very insistent that if i was going to be tagging along with team sleuth i had to abide by the dress code. i think i pull it off fairly well. #gpoy #columbobignaturals https://images.squidge.org/images/2026/05/23/teamsleuth.png
you didnt even have this extreme of a reaction when i was all dolled up for the gala. i feel like im learning things about you.
I'm normal. I'm normal about you. I'm absolutely not havin' a harder time keepin' that normalcy under wraps. The very notion I'm not strikes me as ridiculous.
im trying to think of any way i can feign innocence and spin that to mean anything else but im coming up empty handed. hello jade sweetheart.
hiiii auntie! dont worry its kind of funny seeing what youre like with other people and yknow im 24 my glasses may be thick but im not exactly blind here i know where rose gets it from
do i need to be worried about this distracting you too much whenever i tag along for your work?
ABSOLUTELY NOT. If anything my senses will be SHARPER THAN EVER if you're around and in that outfit and also wear that really nice perfume you wear or whatever it is that smells real nice.
i was thinking i should look into a new cologne to complete the ensemble. it just feels right i think. would you like to help me pick one out?
Yeeees ma'am. Understood ma'am. Literally anything you wish is my command, ma'am.
well yes i guess thats one thing she also gets from you you both think youre very funny! and unfortunately i do too which makes it worse because im enabling it all the time!
maybe its the pain meds talking rox but you got some gams that wont quit.... they got those big chewy pretzels here menJanrthfgrrsf.powwejfwpjfpewfcwmwfive dollars??!!!? get outta here........
How in the heck did ya talk the nurses into giving you your phone back already???
hahahah you get it yourh a chamer tou you were alwasyb so pretty too
hey guys check me out im the grungler
Phil what the heck's this supposed to mean???
thats fjucked up gettin in there all sneaky beaky like dont hurt neiobody thats where all my friends are in the phone
fuuuuuck i gotttta beeeee there but im in the hooooooooospital cuz i got shoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot
Midnight City General Hospital. He should be good for visitors now.
He got there very quickly, and should be in good hands. If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask.
Oh yeah what he said. Maybe they got more than a couple humans on staff over there?