Bucket Cumjar
@terribleFate
DM Me, cutie.
My extensive absence has been immediately interrupted to bring you tragic and delightful information. Updated my portrait. ((done by Sartorially on Tumblr)) https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/b8e6856f9508.png https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/7b9280f2bb82.png https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/858d3b90eda3.png https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/78f0dc4ef3e9.png
Hey. How are you doing?
Likewise, stole some vermouth from the Doctor's Curio.
Unfortunately, not a man. Wish I could help.
You make me Skrimbor, Zemdar.
What's so stunning?
You're.so.real.Bucket
I sure fucking hope so.
Just a lot of flirting left and right!! I don't know what to do about it like XP
-/*-I w4sn't c4lling y0u *ne.-/*-
I'm aware. I just wish I could help with your violent urge.
Make them fight for it.
Earth and Alternian media have a lot in common, and a lot of differences. *Lord of the Rings* is a perfect example of this. See, on Alternia, we have *The Woeful and Bloodstained Chronicle of the Ninefold Rings of Dominion, Their Forging Beneath the Blackened Mountain, the Rise and Ruin of the Deathless Highblood Who Sought Mastery Over All Living Things, and the Miserable Lowbloods Who Were Entrusted With the Singular Task of Carrying His Ancient Artifacts Across an Entire Continent and Throwing It Into a Volcano Before Everybody Died*, and humans have *The Lord of the Rings*. The former is a media piece that forewarns the Subjugglators that it is not their place to claim power, try as they might, through any alternative means, for the Imperial Will of the People, both higher and lower, shall inevitably put them in their place. Sauron Quenya, or, as he would later become better known by his ancestral title, Darklord Ringking, was a purpleblood who believed himself to be the malevolent and divinely destined ruler of all lands, and eventually all seas. Naturally, this was considered an extremely serious ideological problem. The seas already had a ruler. Darklord Ringking's fatal mistake was not, strictly speaking, being evil. Alternian literature would be considerably shorter if being evil were sufficient grounds for narrative punishment. Nor was his error the accumulation of power, the building of armies, the construction of an enormous fortress, the breeding of horrible war beasts, the enslavement of weaker peoples, or even the creation of cursed jewelry for the express purpose of dominating the minds of political rivals. Most of these are recognizable, if somewhat dramatic, instruments of statecraft. His crime was jurisdictional. Purplebloods may terrorize, preach, indulge in theatrical violence, and comport themselves with all of the dignity expected of their caste. What a purpleblood may NOT do is look upward toward the sea castes and decide that the Holy Terror of the Land must destroy the Sovereign Authority over the Empire. Thus, the Ninefold Rings are not merely magical artifacts. They are a metaphor so obvious that Alternian schoolteachers have spent several hundred sweeps pretending it is subtle. Each ring represents an illegitimate method by which a lower caste might attempt to circumvent the natural order: wealth, military allegiance, sorcery, marriage, religious authority, personal charisma, blackmail, bureaucracy, and, in one particularly controversial academic interpretation, "being really good at speeches." Darklord Ringking gathers these instruments together and attempts to manufacture sovereignty rather than receive it through blood. As we all know, each of these rings grants him outright dominion over an assigned caste below him. This is why the One Ring is traditionally translated from the original Alternian as *The Singular Circlet of Pretentious Upward Mobility and Total Mental Subjugation*. The irony, of course, is that nearly everybody who opposes him spends the entire story violating the Hemospectrum in progressively more spectacular ways. The principal bearer of the Ring is not a decorated officer, a highblood legislacerator, or even an especially competent midblood. He is a diminutive rustblood agricultural worker named Phrodo Bagins, whose primary qualifications are that he owns a nice house, enjoys eating several times a day, and possesses a great deal of tolerance for responsibility. His moirail, sometimes vacillating if you ask me, is Samwyz Gamgee, a bronzeblood with a great deal of honor about him, namely loyalty. He spends much of the Chronicle doing much the same work as an Alternian groundskeeper. The traditional Imperial interpretation holds that the lowblood protagonists are not heroes because they deserve authority. They are heroes because they understand that they do not possess it. Phrodo never declares himself Emperor. Samwyz never establishes a new Gamgee Dynasty. They are both lowbloods whom the Empire has deemed humble and eternally servile, ultimately, to the Empress. Neither attempts to leverage their possession of the artifact against the Empress, either. Loyal subjects as they are, they do not even attempt to fight the highblood above them. They only do exactly as the Empress tells them without stepping, directly, on Sauron's precious digits. This is, ultimately, where the Alternian and Human versions diverge most severely. The Human *Lord of the Rings* is concerned with the proposition that Good may triumph over Evil even when Evil appears overwhelmingly stronger. Sauron possesses armies, fortresses, ancient sorcery, political influence, monstrous servants, and an artifact capable of enslaving the wills of others. The people ultimately responsible for his destruction possess almost none of these things. Frodo and Sam are physically unimpressive, politically irrelevant, inexperienced in warfare, and wholly beneath the notice of the powers reshaping their world. Their importance comes precisely from this apparent insignificance. They are allowed to carry the fate of Middle-earth because Tolkien's moral universe does not determine worth through strength. The Alternian Chronicle considers this premise basically backwards. Darklord Ringking does not fall because the weak possess some hidden moral superiority over the strong. He falls because he fundamentally misunderstands what strength is. Sauron Quenya is enormously powerful. That much is never disputed. He conquers territory. He bends lesser wills beneath his own. He commands armies large enough to darken entire horizons. He forges artifacts capable of transforming rulers into extensions of himself. In practically every respect by which an Alternian measures individual capability, he is magnificent. And this is exactly why he must die. For the message of the Alternian story is not that power is wicked. Power is self-evidently virtuous. The Empire is built upon it. The mistake is believing that possessing more power than those immediately surrounding you means that you have reached the top. The Darklord dies because he mistook his might for being the most right. There is still a war. There is still a Fellowship. There are still hobbits dragging the One Ring across the continent while increasingly improbable numbers of people attempt to kill them. Their journey remains important, but its meaning is altered. The hobbits are not the final agents of Sauron's destruction. They are evidence. By enduring everything Ringking throws at them, these miserable little lowbloods demonstrate that his dominion is incomplete. Every day Phrodo continues walking is another day in which the self-proclaimed ruler of all creation fails to exercise authority over one insignificant person. That humiliation is what ultimately draws Imperial attention. And so, when the Darklord finally stands at the height of his power, when his armies have surrounded the remaining free kingdoms and his great Eye stretches across the heavens, the sky opens. The Condesce arrives. There is no intricate duel. There is no desperate struggle in which the victor is uncertain. There is barely a battle. The Empress descends upon Barad-dûr and kills Sauron Quenya. Immediately. The point is that it is instantaneous. Humans out there will complain that allowing an overwhelmingly powerful ruler to appear at the conclusion and personally annihilate the villain eliminates the tension that came before it. Alternians tend to find that criticism baffling. The tension was never whether the Empress could defeat Sauron. Of course she could. It's more about when his inevitable upward trajectory would hit the glass ceiling and crumble like the rest of us. The final confrontation therefore becomes the ultimate expression of the Alternian doctrine of Might Makes Right. Sauron claims sovereignty because he is stronger than everyone he has encountered. The Empress demonstrates the deficiency of land-based might by encountering him. She does not openly offer a philosophical rebuttal. She is simply a bigger fish. This fundamentally changes the position and purpose of the lowbloods, or hobbits. In the Human story, the hobbits demonstrate that moral worth is independent of social status or martial power. They are important because goodness can reside in the smallest person, and because compassion and mercy accomplish what armies cannot. In Alternian media, they are admirable because they remain in their place. They do what they are told. This is an enormous virtue. Thus, Human children come away from *The Lord of the Rings* understanding that even the smallest person can change the course of history. Alternian wigglers come away from *The Woeful and Bloodstained Chronicle* understanding something slightly different: You may be the strongest troll in the room. You may even be the strongest troll in a thousand rooms. But before declaring yourself ruler of creation, it is advisable to determine whether the Empress is in the building. But that's all propaganda. @carbolicGalvanologist
Put me in as Union Rep Orc. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/f4ca1d72dbe6.png #ChittrLoTRCasting or whatever the tag is.
Criminal Activity Journal: Illegal Gambling Ring operating out of a Honkkultist Prayer Site. Money Laundering, via recuperacoon retail stores. Privatized Military Activity posing as environmentalists. Gee, I sure love talking about my illegal crimes that I do as a part of a Criminal Organization.
Apparently only takes Earth answers. #krillion Cringe. But this was fun. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/f8011e44d6c1.png
holy fucking shit
Oops.
If I've learned anything in my employ, it's that omniscient, eldritch horrors aren't, I guess, omnipathic, let alone, omnibenevolent. Like, just because he is aware of every wrinkle in the universe, doesn't mean they necessarily get his time or attention. I'm sure he knows I'm typing this, and I'm sure he knows that I keep getting smuggled into the Maidjail. But, I don't imagine he cares much, despite it going against his machination of isolation.
Interdimensional threats only succeed if you acknowledge them. Meaning they are on the same power tier as the Game you just Lost.
I'm afraid I don't know what that is. Could you enlighten me?
crazy that the game is a thing over here to!!! also you frick (|>:I
Learn better insults. That's so far from tantalyzing.
im not taking that from someone literally named cumjar also i dont know you very well i can't make them personally stinging yet!!!
such is the povwer of the nuh uh. this is vwhy i scale past evweryone here.
Carabiner Cleaver. Call that a Butch's Knife.
Starting my next seasonal mystic. This rework is alright. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/98d690251534.png
Your fate is sealed, fool. You are now the bassist in my prog rock band and our marketing strategy depicts you as the heel.
Showbiz Pizza Uncle Klunk can get it. #nsfw
I'm slightly concerned about this admission...
Some humans refer to beer as lube. I am a well-oiled machine. #substance
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/aa129f9cb8a2.gif
@(。・へ・)@ HUH… @(。･`へ´･)@ ...HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUH?!!? @(。ˇ･`へ´･)@ HHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH. @(。･`⸟´･)@ IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE TO LEARN THIS POWER??!??
I will not speak without my Voyeur present. #NSFW On that matter, cuckoldry and voyeurism are two separate niches in fetishism with varying degrees of separation. You can't replace one with the other entirely and while there are situations in which they seem synonymous, overall, it's sort of like squares and rectangles. Also, cuck is a terrible insult that relies on a stringent monogamist belief system in order to strike a chord but that applies to so few actual trolls, that I can't believe I see it being slung around. Like yeah sorry, according to some weird Chitterrorist (probably a human), if your Matesprit has a Kismesis, you're a cuck! #NSFWE #Possibly #Cuckoldry #Voyeurism #Lawyerism #HumanInsults
I’M WILLING TO GIVE IT TO THE MAMMALS ON THIS ONE. IT’S PUNCHY. IT’S EVOCATIVE. NO MORE EFFICIENT WAY. TO DESCRIBE THE JOY AND THE PAIN. OF TAKING SOMEONE ELSE’S THINGS.
You experience pain when you take things from others? Have a seat, and explain that further.
NO. STUPID. THE JOY OF TAKING. THE PAIN OF LOSING. THEY’RE HAPPENING TO DIFFERENT TROLLS.
STOP ANALYZING ME.
I might if you had needles to stop me. :P
WORDS ARE GIVEN THEIR POWER NOT MERELY BY THOSE WHO USE THEM. BUT BY THOSE ADDRESSED BY THEIR CATASTROPHIC EFFECTS. LET US NOT FORGET. CUCKNAYA GRAFFITI IS ONE OF THE MOST FREQUENTLY CITED REASONS FOR MARYAM RELATED MASSACRES. ACROSS ALL TIMELINES. THAT THE PHRASE KARCUCK. AND A FLURRY OF BULLETS. WAS ALL IT TOOK TO COLLAPSE AN ENTIRE REBELLION HEADFIRST. ECHOING THROUGH THE AIR. HARSHER THAN THE VAST EXPLETIVE. YOU SEEM TO BE APPROACHING THIS WITH SOME REGRETTABLE SINCERITY. SO YOU MAY CONSIDER THIS YOUR QUARTERLY “MENTORSHIP MONEYSHOT MOMENTS COMPILATION CLIP” WORTH FIVE CONTINUOUS LEARNING POINTS OR CLPS. BY YOUR RECORDS. AS OF TODAY. YOU ONLY NEED TEN MORE TOWARDS THE FISCAL SWEEP. REMARKABLE. BUT A FEW REMARKS. A CRUCIAL COMPONENT OF BEING A CUCK IS NOT ACTUALLY STRICTLY THE DORK ASS UHM ACTUALLY YOU GUYS DEFINITIONAL DUMBASS SEXUAL COMPONENT. THE PERCEIVED INADEQUACY OF THE CUCKOLD. IS THE FOCUS. BEING A CLUELESSLY DITSY DUNDERFUCK OF A CUCK. FOR CLARITY. AN ACTIVE PARTICIPATION IN SOME QUIXOTIC MOTHERFUCKING QUADRANT VACILLATION AND INTERQUADRANT WARFARE. IS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT THE SAME THING. AS HAVING A REDROM SKANK ON YOUR ARM WITH TWO GIRLFRIENDS YOU DO NOT KNOW DICK FUCK ALL ABOUT. IT IS A FAILURE NOT TO KNOW YOUR PARTNERS OF PARTNERS. CUCK IS AN EVEN GREATER INSULT FOR TROLLS THAN IT IS FOR HUMANS. IT MEANS YOU ARE GETTING ICED OUT. AND ARE TOO FEEBLE IN YOUR GRIP ON YOUR PAN TO REALIZE IT. YOU. THE CUCK. BECOME WORTHY OF SCORN AND MOCKERY AND DERISION. BECAUSE IF THE PALE OR BLACK QUADRANT FALLS APART. YOU WILL BE CAUGHT WITH YOUR DRAWERS AROUND YOUR TWITCHY UNSUCKED SNATCH AS IT UNFURLS BECAUSE YOU MISSED A CRUCIAL GODDAMN CONNECTION. AND NOW YOU LOSE EVERYTHING. LOSER DOES NOT EVEN BEGIN TO STRESS HOW MUCH OF A GORMLESS LITTLE DIPSHIT YOU ARE. SO FUCK SUFFICES. ALSO. DO NOT BE DELIBERATELY FUCKING OBSTINATE. YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE IN THE MORTIFYING PROCESS RAISING THE OFFSPRING OF ANOTHER TROLL IN ORDER TO BE A CUCK. OR IN MONOGAMOUS MASTURBATORY WEDLOCK WANK. JUST AS YOU DO NOT NEED A LEARNING DISABILITY TO BE STUPID. YOU DO NOT NEED SUCK-SIPHONED WITHER TEAT UDDERS TO BE A BITCH IN HEAT. AND YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE BUCKET CUMJAR IN THE UPPITY ASS FLESH TO BE WRONG ONLINE. BON VOYEUR OR WHATEVER HOWEVER. THE DISTINCTION THERE IS MEANINGFUL. EVEN IF A DRAB IRRITANT IN EITHER CASE TO ONE AS INUNDATED IN STUPID CLINGY BITCHES AS I AM.
REMARK ON HOW CORRECT I AM. YOU MAY CONSIDER THIS YOUR QUARTERLY “MENTORSHIP MONEYSHOT MOMENTS COMPILATION CLIP” WORTH FIVE CONTINUOUS LEARNING POINTS OR CLPS AS WELL.
Listen, Bossman. You're conflating concepts here. You've got the humiliation associated with cuckoldry fighting with the definition of cuckoldry itself. Being ignorant of your partner's other relationships only means you're an inattentive idiot. It does not necessarily make you a cuckold. Cuckoldry requires some violation of the relationship's presumed exclusivity. That's the crux I think you and I are disagreeing on. A kismesis does not violate the exclusivity of a matespritship by existing. They occupy an entirely different quadrant. Which is especially funny because halfway through your response you explicitly agreed that ordinary interquadrant relationships don't qualify, meaning the only people still arguing against “matesprit has kismesis = cuck” are apparently both of us. If a matesprit secretly takes another matesprit, then you'd finally have an intelligible troll analogue. Even then, our culture is virtually primed to interpret that through vacillation. Attempting to provoke jealousy or humiliation in your matesprit could very easily amount to a particularly sloppy pitch maneuver rather than anything resembling the human social structure that produced cuckoldry in the first place. And that's before getting into the not-insignificant number of trolls who are “polyquad,” for some fucking reason. Dock me a trillion CLPs if you'd like. My argument isn't that no troll can ever conceivably be called a cuck. My argument is that people, especially on this website, use the insult incorrectly, and that on the broad societal level it should be virtually ineffectual unless you're describing a very particular kind of quadrant betrayal. And even your Kanaya Maryam Massacre doesn't really rescue the argument. Kanaya is “Cucknaya” in a context where she paired with a human and subsequently participated in explicitly human romantic institutions like marriage. That's evidence that a troll immersed in human culture can be subjected to a human romantic insult. It isn't evidence that cuckoldry maps cleanly onto Alternian society. Kanaya and Karkat also left Alternia at the ripe old age of six. So if your definitive proof that “cuck” is an especially potent Alternian insult is a troll who spent essentially her entire adolescence and adulthood surrounded by humans, human customs, and human romantic vocabulary, I think you may have accidentally wandered onto my side of the argument again.
WHAT ABOUT. HYPOTHETICALLY. A TROLL WITH SOME KIND OF PANDAMAGED EXPECTATION OF FIDELITY. DISCOVERS ONE NIGHT. THAT THE WHOLE TIME. HER WHORE MATESPRIT HAS BEEN STEPPING OUT. TO PAIL HALF OF PLANET BEFORUS. INCIDENTALLY. THE HALF THAT RESEMBLES HER THE LEAST. SUCH SITUATIONS ARE MORE LIKELY THAN YOU THINK. IT IS IGNORANT TO IMAGINE. TROLLS HAVE NO CONCEPT OF CONCUPISCENT BETRAYAL. NOR THAT WE CANNOT GET OFF ON IT. JUST AS WELL AS HUMANS. IF NOT BETTER. @caliBorn SAMA GOT IT IN ONE. IT NOT UNLIKE LIKE THE TWISTED THREEWAY TANGO OF CLUBS. EXCEPT INSTEAD OF TWO IMPOTENT HATERS AND THEIR DIVORCE LAWYER. IT INVOLVES THE THIEF. THE PRIZE. AND THE LOSER.
I WILL SPARE YOU THE MERCY OF DOCKING YOU YOUR FULL ONE TRILLION. YOU WERE JUST AWARDED A SMALL LUMP SUM AFTER ALL. YOU WILL STILL BE DEDUCTED NINE HUNDRED NINETY NINE BILLION NINE HUNDRED NINETY NINE MILLION NINE HUNDRED AND NINETY NINE THOUSAND NINE HUNDRED AND NINETY FIVE. BUT SINCE THAT LEAVES YOU WITH A BALANCE BELOW ZERO. THAT WILL ONLY SET YOU BACK TO ROCK BOTTOM. WHICH IS WHERE YOU ARE IN UNDERSTANDING. A CUCK. QUITE LITERALLY. DOES NOT HAVE TO DO WITH MONOGAMY. IT IS A WEAK. IMPOTENT PUSSYWILLOW OF A BITCH. WHO RAISES KIDS NOT THEIR OWN. SOMEONE WEAK AND INFIRM. IT IS TAKEN. IRONICALLY. FROM THE CUCU BIRD. THE NTR OF THE SKIES. WHO POWERHOUSE PLOWS. AND PUSHES COMPETING EGGS OUT OF THE NESTS OF OTHERS. REPLACING THEM WITH HIS OWN LITTLE BIRDLY BITCH KIN. WHICH ARE THEN RAISED. IT IS THE HAPLESS GOOFY FUCK WHO CANNOT KEEP TRACK OF THE PARTNERS OF THEIR PARTNER. WHO IS A CUCK. BUCKET. IF YOU READ EVEN HALF AS MUCH AS YOU SPOUT OFF IN INCOHERENT NERD SHIT. YOU MIGHT HAVE ALREADY REALIZED I SAID CHEATING IS NOT THE CRUX OF THE INSULT. WORDS CHANGE MEANING. A CUCK IS JUST A WEAK PERSON. LIKE HOW SOMEONE GETTING GAGGED. DOES NOT STRICTLY MEAN A LITERAL ASS RUBBER IMPLEMENT OCCUPIES THEIR MOUTH. THEY COULD BE GAGGED WITH LAUGHTER. GAGGED BECAUSE THEY ARE WHIPPED. WHICH DOES NOT MEAN ABUSED. BUT OVERLY OBEDIENT. WHICH IS APPARENTLY A THING YOU CAN BE. YOUR ARGUMENT THE INSULT SHOULD BE INEFFECTUAL IS BLOWN THE FUCK OUT OF THE WATER BY THE IMMORTAL LOGIC THAT REALITY IS IMPERVIOUS TO THE WHINE OF SNIVELING BITCH COWARDS AND WOKE MORALISTS. STUPID SHOULD NOT BE OFFENSIVE. PEOPLE SHOULD NOT CALL ONE ANOTHER IMBECILES. FOOD SHOULD BE FREE AND GROW ON NOTHING. HEALTHCARE SHOULD NOT INCUR GENERATIONS SPANNING DEBT. CHILDREN SHOULD BE IMMORTAL. I SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO KILL WHOEVER I WANT WITHOUT THEIR DESCENDANTS DEDICATING THEIR MEANINGLESS LIVES TO KILL ME ONLY TO BEG FOR MERCY WHEN THEY INEVITABLY FAIL AND TASTE BAD WHEN PARTIALLY EATEN. PAIRED WITH THE AFOREMENTIONED WHINE. THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS. THE INSULT WORKS. IT IS COMMON ON THIS WEBSITE. YOUR SNOT NOSED NOSTRIL FLARING AND SNOUT UPTURNING DOES NOTHING TO DISCREDIT HOW APPLICABLE IT IS. A BLACKROM WHO IS SO INCOMPETENT AT HATING THAT THEIR PARTNER HAS A MOIRAIL TO ROLEPLAY HATE EXERCISES IS A CUCK. AN IDIOT WHO MERELY REGURGITATES WHATEVER PRECHEWED BABY SHIT THEIR PARTNER THINKS WHEN CONFRONTED IS A CUCK. I AM DRAFTING UP A COURSE FOR INSENSITIVITY TRAINING AS WE SPEAK. THIS IS FAR MORE DRASTIC THAN I THOUGHT.
Can Chittr guess my wacky and random typing quirk?
You double-spacing after periods now, like a freak?
Nah. I can though.
Yeah. Sometimes that happens on a palmhusk. The joke is there is no quirk. Though, there is one. Buried deep and no situation has called for it.
It's boring to just say there's no quirk. And it's boring to explain the joke. *And* it's boring for me to explain it's boring to explain the joke. And it's boring to... hey, what's that over there? *Wanders of~f. Forgets what I was doing. Lo~oks around. Starts heading hive. Gets hive. Flips of~f my lusus. Sits on the couch. Turns on the TV. Watches TV. Is at~tacked by the penis gnomes.*
They only give me one post a day. What should I do with it?
😳😳😳 ☝️☝️☝️ #Chairministrangling #Suggestive 🟢 CHARMS is ONLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE.
You want me to waste my one post a day on you? I already did my quirky and delightful humor post. But I might be able to de-spare an extra.
🤏😁🤟and i scoop it up gratefully bucky cj!!! you do know how much i adddddddore your deadpan delirium right? right 🫴🫳🤌 🙌after your timer resets...id love to trouble you...for some stimulating talk...on a fifteen minute break ofc....🙌 #Chairministrangling #BusinessPromptPosition #PromptInvite #Promptposal 🟢 CHARMS is ONLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE.
#NSFW She went to sleep. East Wing is free. Just saying.
|| ► what time is it? soon-to-beforian understandings of the trollian sweep. || an article on beforus-based calendar understanding and execution of chronology by accredited author chakwa nanich, localized into 4 separate trollian dialects and 1 non-trollian dialect for ease-of-reading. questions? comments? generalized fears about upcoming elections to caste-representative positions in government? chakwa nanich can be reached using @integrityManifesto on chittr. → article begins. in branching out across platforms, it has come to my attention that! non-trollian species might struggle to understand the timekeeping practices of a beforian journalist. since journalism itself is about sharing information in the most understandable and blunt way, i can't exactly leave a newfound audience out to dry. so. despite my great efforts to avoid the inevitable, i will now embrace the mantle of proper schoolfeeder to the unabsorbed. should make things easier when you are all eventually subsumed into the beforian domain, putting you at least two sheds above the average cull-captive. let's hop to it! beforus rotates on two axes, the polar axis and the lunar axis. the polar axis runs through our largest oceans, specifically the deepest trenches of those oceans! similar to the "human" concept of "north and south" poles from my extensive research. the lunar axis is a variable point, so just think of it as "perpendicular" to our lovely pink moon and our solar system's resident star. analogous to the "human" concept of "north and south" poles... again. wik-kəmtəks? most wrigglers are! don't worry... i have a feedecree in communication. time to approach it another way. beforus orbits the resident star on its lunar axis, meaning the moon and the sun are on the same "plane" in space at all times. however, the planet SPINS on its polar axis, and our equator is never parallel with our moon because the MOON orbits over the polar axis. 'dret wik-kəmtəks ixt. {i have included a helpful diagram below to clarify things a little further, in case my readers are visual feeders.} moving on... a perigee is the time it takes our pink moon to reach one pole from the other, or one full night and light together, with the apogee being the midpoint or change-over from light to night... or night to light depending on your location! sort of similar to chaku-san or chaku-mun for the diurnal "human" species that seems most dominant of non-trollian chittr users. the moon orbits us 13 full times over the course of an equinox. 26 perigees {or 26 apogees if you're weird} make just 1 equinox {about 1 rotation of the planet} and it takes around 26 equinoxes to orbit the resident star. wow! it sure is nice to have everything perfectly match like that, huh? ...fun fact for the curious... beforus actually has several "eves" that are "not-really-nights" in our calendars, or night / light cycles that get "skipped" from counting because we like our 26-26-26 set-up sooo much. you might have heard of 12th perigee's eve before! that's just one of our "skipping" perigees, showing up every equinox or so to pad out those pesky "almost" and "abouts" in beforan timekeeping. hatching on an eve is considered very unlucky in some parts of beforus, so do your best to chew out at a good time like just before or after a season. a season? right! beforus has four seasons, known as dim / dusk / dawn / doom. these are governed by our orbit around the resident star. doom and dusk are opposites, just like dim and dawn, existing on opposite sides of beforus at any given time. unlike non-trollian seasons on boring 1-axis planets like "earth" or similar, our seasons refer to the position of the star's light on beforus at any given time during a sweep. the side of beforus that faces the resident star is in the doom season, the side facing away from the resident star is in the dusk season! meanwhile, the dawn season is the "edge" of the doom-dusk seasons "turning" into the sunlight and the dim season is the doom-dusk "edge" now "turning" away from the sunlight. {i'll include a diagram for this as well. my gift to visual feeders.} doom seasons are hot, dusk seasons are cold, and dim / dawn seasons are just the best! thankfully, the worst of doom and dusk seasons take place over the deep oceans, warming our and cooling our waters in a way that keeps the whole of beforus very livable for even the lowliest of landdwellers. when our equator faces the resident star, our natural rotation keeps the topography from being utterly eradicated by husk-blistering radiation and heat... but don't go wandering during the light apogee. seriously! i'm warning you against that. phew! looks like we've covered all the basics, even if it gets even more complicated down to the smallest click. trolls are pretty set in our ways. we like everything working out in sort-of-tridecimals more than anything else, so even our perigees are broken up into 26: 13 scrubs before apogee then 13 scrubs after. as for a scrub, that's 26 swabs, and finally 52... clicks to a swab. {no system's perfect, i suppose.} consider it a system relying on 12... + 1, just in case. thank you for taking the time to feed up on basic beforian timekeeping with me, dear reader. hopefully these details have scuttled to the deepest reaches of your pan-equivalent... and if you're a troll who didn't know any of this stuff. well, now you do! if you enjoyed my ramblings, you might think to subscribe to my chittr profile, but. only do that if you're prepared for some hard hitting REAL journalism tackling the weird and wacky and wonderful problems on beforus. yes, i said PROBLEMS. no system is ideal until there's nothing left to critique, so keep your bulbs open and your tubes clean. if you dare! → article concludes. this is chakwa nanich, alta nayka ɬatu on the 12th lunar perigee of the 8th doom season's equinox. ɬax̣ayam! mirrored articles on swattpad, recoupjournal, huskbook, and panshock monthly. originally posted on the official alta 'mayka munk-kəmtəks website. — alta ɬaska chaku-sax̣ali, ɬaska 'təmtəm ɬatwa ɬatwa ɬatwa kʰanu-qʰata.
kongar! kongar! kongar! kongar! kongar! kongar! kongar! kooongar!!!!!!! Ი︵𐑼݁ Ი𐑼⋆Ი⑅𐑼 Ი𐑼 Ი𐑼⋆Ი⑅𐑼 Ი︵𐑼݁ Ი⑅𐑼 Ი︵𐑼݁ Ი𐑼⋆Ი⑅𐑼 Ი𐑼 Ი𐑼⋆Ი⑅𐑼 Ი︵𐑼݁ Ი⑅𐑼 an entire crowd of chakwa nanich enthusiats are cheering your name specifically, because it is always such a pleasure to see you in my comments. hello, kongar! it has been a while, so thank you for reaching out and making sure i know how appreciated the work is. how's the shoulder holding up?! inquiring bunnies would like to know. ₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ — alta ɬaska chaku-sax̣ali, ɬaska 'təmtəm ɬatwa ɬatwa ɬatwa kʰanu-qʰata.
AH!!!! I see... HOO HOO HAH!! A fellow parser of the fine arts of WORDS and SCRIPTURES!!! You have done well to make friends with individuals of wise caliber I am proud of you my apprentice! @(･ェ･)@⊃━☆:･ﾟ✧ EHEM!! If uhm, Chakwa witnesses this, I greet you! My name is Monkei and I am very excited to share knowledge with you and also to LEARN from you!! HOO HOO HAH! @(･ェ･)@⊃━☆:･ﾟ✧
miss muckrake... it is an honor! ૮꒰˶ - ˕ -꒱ა though we operate in different fields of wordsmithing, i should make it clear that i am an avid reader of the beforan enquirer. your upcoming coverage of the fight night phenomenon haunts my lights. no pressure, of course, but know that i am beyond eager to sink my fangs into your perspective. and... thank you very much for sharing my article with your followers! mere text cannot describe the thankfulness in my pusher, so here: ｡° ૮₍°´ᯅ`°₎ა °｡ — alta ɬaska chaku-sax̣ali, ɬaska 'təmtəm ɬatwa ɬatwa ɬatwa kʰanu-qʰata.
ɬush ɬush ɬush!!! your accent is perfectly reasonable given your less-than-living circumstances, miss wellen. i'm assuming you are east beforan, given your honorifics and name placement, so please let me know if you prefer -san suffixes. ݁ Ი𐑼⋆ it warms my thorax to know that kongar has taken the time to spread my ramblings beyond the veil. industrious! perhaps i am destined for an even greater audience when my husk finally fails me?! can't let all that importance go to my head. as for my dialect... that's exactly why i'm so blunt about my history. beforus, as you probably know, has a terrible problem. silencing the outer fringes of society, or quashing what came before... i just won't stand for it. jumping up to the plate is my reason for being, and if i have my way, perhaps full articles can be in my native dialect and still be understood...? 𐔌՞. .՞𐦯 — alta ɬaska chaku-sax̣ali, ɬaska 'təmtəm ɬatwa ɬatwa ɬatwa kʰanu-qʰata.
ˇ ᕦ@(o･ｪ･oˇ)@ᕤˇ♡ˇ ...THAT IS...AN AWFUL LOT OF FANS. YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO FILL A ROOM. CHAKWA. CHAKWOW. HOO HOO HOT DAMN... @(。・へ・)@ ...!!! KONGAR'S SHOULDER!!! CANNOT. LET. DOWN. THE FANS. @(。･`へ´･)@ ...HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.... @(。ˇ･`へ´･)@ HHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH. @(。･`⸟´･)@ HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRGGRHGH. @(。･`ꇳ´･)@—̳͟͞͞3⁼³₌₃⁼³₌₃⁼³₌₃⁼³₌₃ 『 スクークム・ピー・ユー・ケー・ピー・ユー・ケー・パンチ』 - 【Sukūkumu pī yū kē pī yū kē panchi】 SKOOKUM PUK-PUK PUNCH!!!!!!!!! @(。◕`ꇳ´◕)@ —̳͟͞͞0 HHH..A.H....HA....HA.... @(。・｡・)@ ...!!! ˗ˏˋ ✸ ˎˊ˗ @(。・ｪ・)@ GOOD. GOOD AS EVER. ˗ˏˋ ঌ ˎˊ˗ @(。・0・)@ WE WILL HAVE TO KEEP IN TOUCH MORE!!!! CHAKWA!!!! I HAVE SO MUCH THAT HAS HAPPENED TO TELL YOU ABOUT!!!! PLUS. WE HAVE NOT SPARRED. IN SO LONG. TOO SPARING! NOT ENOUGH SPARRING! MY SHOULDER IS HEALED. BUT IT SHOULD BE RECOVERING!!! FROM THE IMPACT!!! OF A HIGHER THAN HIGHEST HIGH JUMPKICK!!!!
witnessing... ₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ a grand pleasure to meet a compawnion of kongar's! i am very talkative, but only about the things that i like. this is your one and only warning before entering companionship with the one and only chakwa nanich... ₍ᐢ. ༝ .ᐢ₎ still, we probably have much to learn from the other. here is to a long and cheerful closeness! — alta ɬaska chaku-sax̣ali, ɬaska 'təmtəm ɬatwa ɬatwa ɬatwa kʰanu-qʰata.
HOO HOO HAH! Do not worry, as a wizard of the magic arts, all knowledge is good knowledge!! You may blab to me on the parchments as long as you desire!! @(･ェ･)@⊃━☆:･ﾟ✧ Perhaps we could even invite you to our grand adventures? our many nights of intense bloons towers defense 6? Some Balatro? @(･ェ･)@⊃━☆:･ﾟ✧ WE WILL BALL!!! MONKEY BALL!!! @(･ェ･)@⊃━☆:･ﾟ✧
your invitation is just so thoughtful! do you have nothing but kindness in your pan?! it's putting this journalist to shame... hihihi! 𐔌՞꜆. ̫.꜀՞𐦯 it would be an honor to join yourself and @apexAcerbate in a flurry of company-making activities. i'm shocked that the perilous trials of MONKEY BALL have fans even in this modern age... i suppose some trolls are gluttons for punishment? but ixt caveat. kongar is required to ice and rest that shoulder. i will not be responsible for chitin failure later in life. ma kəmtəks?! ૮₍ ˶˃ ⤙ ˂˶ ₎ა — alta ɬaska chaku-sax̣ali, ɬaska 'təmtəm ɬatwa ɬatwa ɬatwa kʰanu-qʰata.
Fret not!! I shall cast a Panacea spell upon him so that he may recover quickly from his ailments, and also gently bonk him with my wand for being irresponsible with his physical health! @(･ェ･)@⊃━☆:･ﾟ✧ And you flatter me soo HOO HOO HAH, a true wizard must find kindness in his heart, lest he be lead astray by the dark arts... I would not wish such a fate to any magic caster. @(･ェ･)@⊃━☆:･ﾟ✧
you got any clue on how this compares to alternian timekeepin?
Welcome to Bucket Epoch.
♠️♦️♠️█ ░ quite l0fty expectati0ns... ପ(∗´ര ˰ ര`∗)ଓ ▒ ▓♠️♦️♠️
Better to Cum in the Jar than Jar in the Cum. #nsfw
Lord of Life? Lol? #VaguePost
@legendaryLeague
/yeh i'm kinda op af