♥ liked by @terribleFate
NAMELESS I NEED YOU. FIND ME. URGENTLY. WEARING YOUR LITTLE HAT.
HHHHI.
That is a very smart uniform.
-=[YOW_☺]=-
*Pres~ses al~l your but~tons like they're on the panel in an up-and-down-movey-block.*
SNAZZY. DECADENTLY TASTEFuL. YOu WILL NOT BE PROCESSED FOR SPARES. IN THE EVENT THAT @handMaid IS GREVIOuSLY WOuNDED. THAT DISTINCTION. WILL HAVE TO BELONG TO SOMEONE ELSE. MOVING FORWARD. YOu LOOK TOO GOOD IN A SuIT. JuST LIKE. ONE OF THOSE GOOFY LITTLE LEPRECHAuNS. MY SWEET. LITTLE DIMINuITIVE FOLKLORIC ASS NIFTY SPIRITS WHO SHOOT AND STAB PEOPLE. CARRY ON. WITH PRESTIGE. ENDuRING LITTLE DAFTY THAT YOu ARE.
I d-o-o-n't think I'm a creep!
ouch. 8th seed, scored 18 to beat aranea. meenahs just putting the hurt on the serket name in the #cronusbabeoff. next one, this should be interesting. a lovw seed upset wversus a site obsession. vwewve got jane crocker up against aradia megido! nowv, if you could believwe it, there aint a vwhole lotta creator fandom art wvith just these tvwo together, so youre gonna hawve to accept the real #nsfvw one i found. ignore the other broad, just pretend jane got to keep her after that last wvictory. <3 or <> for aradia <3< or c3< for jane
hey what’s up guys here like i literally am am making my first like post on apparently the honestly fucking canserous like website, like looks like like u like fuckers will honestly finally literally get the honestly premium content u deserve. make sure literally to hit that bell and follow for like more.
BE ME. CALIBORN. THE ONE WHO IS WRITING THIS. NOT THE ONE WHO IS BEING WRITTEN ABOuT. THAT DISTINCTION IS IMPORTANT. BECAuSE I AM REAL. AND CALLIE BHORNE IS FICTIONAL. BuT ALSO. IN A DEEPER SENSE. HE IS REALER THAN YOu. BECAuSE I SAID SO. AND I AM REAL AS IT GETS. DISBELIEF. SuSPENDED. CALLIE BHORNE. CALI B. REAL. THIS IS NOW NOT ABOuT ME. EXCEPT IT IS PRIMARILY ABOuT ME. IN A VICARIOuS SENSE. BuT SECONDARILY. IT IS ABOuT CALLIE BHORNE. MY CHARACTER. THAT I HAVE MADE. FOR THIS EPIC GODDAMN SAGA. CALLED. #LAIRSANDLuSII. WHICH SOuNDS LIKE A DOCTOR SEuSS ASS NuRSERY RHYME. BuT APPARENTLY. IF ITS HOST IS TO BE BELIEVED. IS A HORROR ROLEPLAY SCENARIO. WHICH IS FuNNY. BECAuSE THE ONLY HORROR HERE IS HOW POWERFuL I AM ABOuT TO MAKE THIS MOTHERFuCKER BEFORE YOuR GOBSMACKED GODDAMN GANDERBuLBS. SQuEAKY HANDS SCRuBBING THEM SEE WORTHY AGAIN. A RECAP. INTERMISSION. BEFORE WE BEGIN. LET ME TELL YOu ABOuT CALLIE BHORNE. HE IS A LIME BLOOD. WHICH IS RARE. AND ALSO EXTINCT. EXCEPT FOR HIM. BECAuSE HE KILLED EVERYONE WHO TRIED TO MAKE HIM EXTINCT. WHICH KEPT HIM THE SOLE ENDLING SuRVIVOR OF THE SLAuGHTER. AFTER uSING HIS SPECIAL ABILITY. EMPEROR LORDLING TIME. WHICH LETS HIM CHANNEL HIS DEAD SISTER. CALLIE OHPEEE. WHO HE DEVOuRED AND SCRAMBLED. STRAIGHT OuT THE GATE. POST EGG HATCH. SIPHONING HER POWER. TO INCREASE HIS OWN. EFFICACY. WHICH IS A WORD I uSED BECAuSE IT SOuNDS IMPORTANT. HE IS A PALADIN. OATH OF CONQuEST. WHICH IS LIKE AN ORDINARY PALADIN. BuT INSTEAD OF HEALING AND PROTECTING. HE CONQuERS AND DESTROYS. BECAuSE PROTECTION IS FOR COWARDS. AND HEALING IS FOR THE WEAK AND NEEDY LITTLE SNIVELING FuCKSTuPID COWARDS. FuRTHERMORE. WEAKNESS IS A DISEASE THAT MuST BE STEPPED ON. CRuSHED. AND THEN QuARANTINED TO THE AFTERLIFE. WHERE IT WILL NEVER RETuRN FROM. HE IS CuRRENTLY SITTING. ON THE ALABSTER CAIRO CASINO PHAROAH SARSWAPAGuS THRONE. WHICH IS A SACRED LIME BLOOD ARTIFACT. THAT ALLOWS THEM TO COMMuNE WITH THEIR DEAD SISTERS. IF THEY HAVE ANY. WHICH HE DOES. BECAuSE HE KILLED HER. YOu ALL SAW. I WROTE THAT. AND YOu SAW. STuDIOuS LITTLE NOTETAKERS THAT YOu NO DOuBT ARE. YOu CAN SEE IT HERE NOW WITHOuT HAVING TO LOOK AWAY FROM MY WORDS IF YOu HAVE FORGOTTEN. AND NOW SHE IS HAuNTING HIM. WHICH IS QuITE POETIC. EXEuNT INTERMISSION. BEGIN. ACT NONE. SESSION ZERO. THE THRONE IS GLOWING. A MYSTERIOuS WIND HOWLS. THE WINDOWLESS ROOM CuRIOuSLY CRADLES THE AIR IN A SuRREPTIOuS BREEZE THAT COMES FROM SEEMINGLY FuCKING NOWHERE. THAT IS BECAuSE THE THRONE ITSELF. HAS BECOME LINKED TO A FAR AND STRANGE LAND. uNFAMILIAR ENTIRELY TO CALLIE BHORNE. HE DOES NOT KNOW IT YET. MERELY REACTS ON INFLuENCE. HIS FAuLTY PASSIVE PERCEPTION WEATHERED BY HIS YEARS AS MuSCLE FOR HIRE. HE FEELS A TWITCHY SPASM IN HIS WRIST. HIS INSTINCTS COMMAND HIM TO DRAW HIS SWORD. BuT HE REFuSES. HE KNOWS BETTER THAN TO RESORT TO WANTON AGGRESSION WITHOuT A TARGET. THE THINKPAN WILL OVERHEAT. SENDING SCORCHING THOuGHTS EVERYWHERE THAT BLINDINGLY ERASE ALL MOVEMENT uNTIL A SAFE DISTANCE IS OBSERVED FROM ALL LIVING THINGS. CALLIE BHORNE WOuLD MAKE CORPSES OF PARADISE FOR THE ELYSIuM FIELDS OF HIS OWN ISOLATION MADE PuRE AND PRISTINE ONCE AGAIN. THIS IS HIS DREADED CuRSE. TO WALK A PLANET HE WOuLD SOONER RAIZE THAN RAISE. HE CANNOT BE KNOWN TO LOVE. HE CANNOT RISK FEELING. AND HE CANNOT CHANCE A SINGLE LIVING BEING. EVER. AND YET. THERE IS THAT HOWLING. THAT WIND. THAT DAMNABLE FuCKING WIND. "TSK." CALLIE BHORNE GROWLS. ANOTHER FuCKING REPAIR NEEDED. NOBODY EVER TOLD HIM BEING A LIVING RELIC MEANT LIVING IN ONE. BYGONE ERAS HAVE A FuNNY WAY OF STICKING AROuND. CALLIE BHORNE TAKES THIS AS EVIDENCE. THAT CALLIE OHPEEE IS FuCKING WITH HIM. WHICH IS FuNNY. BECAuSE SHE PROBABLY DID NOT ACTuALLY DO THAT. BECAuSE SHE HATES HIM TO SCREW WITH HIM IN A CLEVER WAY. BECAuSE HE DEVOuRED HER. BuT THE FASTEST WAY. TO A GRIZZLED VETERAN'S HEART. IS THROuGH HIS STOMACH. A PLACE THAT CALLIE OHPEEE HAS BEEN. QuITE FATALLY. SHE LOVES HIM. EVEN IF HE WILL NOT SAY. WHICH IS WHY. uPON DISCOVERY THE THRONE ITSELF OPENS TO A TRANSPORTALIZED DIMENSION. ANOTHER WORLD. OR PLACE. OR LAND. OR BIOME. THE BLINDING LIGHT MAKES IT TRuLY DIFFICuLT TO TELL. HE REALIZES THE TRuTH. "NO FuCKING WAY." CALLIE OHPEEE HAS BLESSED THIS CRuSADE. HER FACE APPEARS FOR A BRIEF MOMENT. SHE LOOKS. STRANGE. uGLY. SHE ASSuMES ANOTHER OF HER FORMS MEANT TO TORMENT HIM. A GREEN SKuLL. STAINED WITH THE SLICK LIME BLOOD SHE WAS COATED IN WHEN HE FIRST DEVOuRED HER. HIS MOuTH WATERS. HE HAS NEVER FOuND A GRuBSAuCE SO DELECTABLE AS HIS FIRST MEAL. HE LITERALLY ATE THE EGGSHELL SHE HATCHED OuT OF. FOR ADDITIONAL NuTRIENTS. THAT SAuCE WAS SO FuCKING GOOD. ONLY NOW. AT LEAST IN APPEARANCE. THE BLOOD WAS BAD. VERY VERY BAD. LEFT TO COAGuLATE. ROT. ADHERE. AND THICKEN. LIKE A KIND OF ALMOST REPTILIAN HIDE. IF HIS HONORABLE TYRANNY WERE HIS LuSuS. WHAT WAS THIS? A HATCHMATE OVERREACH OF SOME KIND? SISTERLY SOBBING? BITCHING AND MOANING? uPON CLOSER INSPECTION. THE ANSWER BECAME MuCH CLEARER. LITTLE PINPRICK DRIPS OF RED. FRISKING ALONG HIS BODY. CALIBORN FINDS IT. A FRESHLY INFLICTED WOuND THAT WAS NOT THERE BEFORE. JuST ALONG HIS THORAX. THE uPPER CHIFFONIER. AS IF ANGLING FOR HIS BLOODPuSHER WITH EACH DARTED FINGER. HER WAY OF SAYING. THIS QuEST COuLD PROVE DEADLY. ALTHOuGH. CALLIE BHORNE WAS uNSuRE. EVEN CALIBORN WAS LIKE. GIRL WHAT THE FuCK IS YOu ON. THERE COuLD BE NO CERTAINTIES WHEN DEALING WITH HER. "HEH. GuESS MY HATCHMATE IS STILL LOOKING OuT FOR ME AFTER ALL THESE SWEEPS. SOME LOVE. HuH? SHE'S GOT A FuNNY WAY OF SHOWING IT." AND THEN. uNFuRLED. IS MY BLADE. READY TO BE BuRIED IN THE NECKS OF DuMBFuCKS. LOCATION: THE TRIBuNAL HALL OF SuPREME CAVORT. STOMPING GROuNDS OF HIS HONORABLE TYRANNY. EATING GROuNDS ALSO. THIS IS WHERE CALLIE BHORNE LIVES. BECAuSE HE IS SPECIAL. AND RAISED BY A BELOATHED BY ALL TYRANT. THE ROOM HAS COuNTLESS WEATHERED BONES SHAVED DOWN SO AS TO RESEMBLE MARBLE COLuMNS. BuT THEY ARE THICK. LIKE CEDAR WOOD TRuNKS. AND SPLINTERED. SO AS TO SuGGEST THE BEATING OF ANGRY FISTS. CLAWED AND CHEWED. SO AS TO SuGGEST THE CLuTCHING OF VERY DESPERATE HANDS DRAGGED OFF INTO OPEN MOuTH. AND BLOOD. SO MuCH BLOOD. THE THRONE ITSELF. HOWEVER. IS CLEAN. AN EXHIBIT ALMOST. EVIDENCE. OF TIME'S TRAGIC PASSING. A RELIC OF THE LIMES. LIKE MANY OF THE CONFISCATED LEGENDARY ITEMS HERE. THOuGH CALLIE BHORNE FANCIES HIMSELF SOMETHING OF A TROLL WITH AN EYE FOR ANTIQuES SPORTING SEASONED HISTORY BEHIND THEM. THESE ITEMS ARE ONLY ACQuIRED WHEN SOMEONE TRIES TO SMuGGLE OR SELL THE ILLICIT CONTRABAND. IN FACT. WERE IT NOT FOR HIS LuSuS. AND SLAPDASH CHARM. CALLIE WOuLD CERTAINLY BE KILLED FOR HIS EXTENSIVE BEWEARABLE WARES ALONE. OWNING THESE IS ILLEGAL. BuT CONFISCATING THEM. IS JuST ANOTHER TuESDAY. OR WHATEVER THE TROLL EQuIVALENT OF A TuESDAY IS. PROBABLY CHEWSDAY. IT IS JuST ANOTHER CHEWSDAY. INTERRuPTION: HE WAS COMMuNING. WITH HIS DEAD SISTER. OR AT LEAST TRYING TO. HIS HATCHMATE IS OFT uNRELIABLE. WHICH IS A SPECIAL KIND OF ESPECIALLY HIGH uNRELIABILITY. BuT THEN. THE SESSION. OR WHATEVER EXCITING COSMIC BuLLSHIT IS RuNNING THIS GAME. DECIDED TO INTERRuPT. WITH A PORTAL. OR AN APERTuRE. OR WHATEVER WHITE GLOWING BuLLSHIT YOu PEOPLE ARE uSING. I WANT TO KEEP MY WHITENESS CONSISTENT. IF WE ARE ALL DOING A WHITE THING. I WANT TO DO THE SAME WHITE THING. OTHERWISE I WILL FEEL LEFT OuT. AND THAT WOuLD BE REALLY SHITTY OF YOu GuYS. SO MAKE MY WHITE THING BE THE SAME AS YOuR WHITE THING. HOW THE SuMMONS APPEARS: THROuGH THE THRONE. OBVIOuSLY. THE GLOWING INTENSIFIES. AND INSTEAD OF JuST SHOWING CALLIE OHPEEE. WHICH IS WHAT IT uSuALLY SHOWS. IN MIDDLING LITTLE APPARITION LIKE OuTLINES. AND DEAD SISTER MONTAGE. AND LIMITLESS PATIENCE FOR ME. HER HATCHMATE. AND MY SILLY ANTICS. IT SHOWS SOMETHING ELSE. A LAIR. OR WHATEVER. MAKE IT SOMETHING APPROPRIATE. ACTuALLY. COuLD IT BE. LIKE. A THRONE ROOM. BuT BIGGER. AND WITH MORE BODIES. OR A FIELD OF CONQuERED ENEMIES. OR A CASINO. WHERE EVERYONE IS LOSING. EXCEPT HIM. CALLIE NEVER LOSES. EH. DOC. SCRATCH THAT. CALLIE NEVER HAS LOST. BECAuSE HE REFuSES TO GIVE uP. HE ALWAYS TRIES. AND RETRIES. EVEN IN THE FACE OF ABSOLuTE SuREFIRE DEFEAT. HE WRENCHES VICTORY FROM HIS OWN JAWS. THAT IS WHAT I MEANT TO SAY OF HIM. YES. SO DECIDE. A VISION THAT CALLS FOR HIM. PERHAPS. SOMEONE IN NEED? YES. THAT WOuLD BE GENIuS. CALLIE IS EXTRAORDINARILY NEEDABLE. AND WILLING TO MAKE HIS TROLLIAN CLAWS. AN OuTSTRETCHED SORT. WHAT YOu GLIMPSE: SOMETHING THAT REPRESENTS POWER. AND DOMINATION. AND VICTORY. BuT ALSO. SECRETLY. SOMETHING THAT REPRESENTS HIS SISTER. IN SOME ROuNDABOuT WAY. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT FOR HIS CHARACTERIZATION. HOW YOuR LuSuS OR SuRROuNDINGS REACT: HIS LuSuS HOWLS WITH EARSPLITTING INTENSITY. HIS HONORABLE TYRANNY. HuGE GROSS MONSTER. BLACK BLOOD. BRAINLESS BEASTIE. HE LETS OuT A ROAR. OR SOMETHING EQuALLY TERRIBLE. AND IT DOES NOT REACT WITH FEAR. BECAuSE IT DOES NOT FEEL FEAR. IT REACTS WITH RECOGNITION. LIKE. "OH. MY SON. CALLIE BHORNE. HAS BEEN SuMMONED FOR ANOTHER ADVENTuRE. HOW REGuLAR. AND ORDINARY. BE SuRE TO KILL AND PARTIALLY CANNIBALIZE PLENTY OF PEOPLE. MY SWEET. CHERuBICALLY CHARMING BOY." AND CALLIE BRuSHES HIS THuMB. AGAINST HIS VERY EXISTANT NOSE. AND GOES. "TSK. SHuT uP FATHER. I AM GROWN NOW. I AM NOT SOME HELPLESS LITTLE PuPA ANYMORE." AND HE GROWLS. SOMBERLY. "I KNOW. BuT WHEN I LOOK uPON MY SON. MY HERO. MY LITTLE LEGISLACERITO. I DO NOT SEE YOu AS YOu ARE. I SEE YOu. AS WHAT YOu HAVE BECOME. FROM WHAT YOu WERE. A WEIGHTED AVERAGE. SuNDERED BY MY SINKING HEART." AND HE GOES. "HMP. WHATEVER DAD. LOVEYOuTOO." AND HIS DAD SCREECHES LOuDLY. "MY SON!!!" OR MAYBE IT DOES NOT SAY ANYTHING. AND JuST. GROWLS. APPROVINGLY. WHATEVER WOuLD BE COOLER. WHAT PART OF YOu ANSWERS FIRST: NOT FEAR. HE DOES NOT FEEL FEAR. JuST LIKE HIS FATHER. HE FEELS ANTICIPATION. THE PART THAT WANTS TO CONQuER. THE PART THAT WANTS TO DEVOuR. THE PART THAT LOOKS AT A MYSTERIOuS PORTAL AND THINKS. "YES. MORE uNSETTLED SCORES. AND WRONGS TO RIGHT." OR POSSIBLY. THE PART THAT HEARS HIS SISTER. WHISPERING. FROM THE THRONE. SAYING. "DONT GO. YOu IDIOT. ITS A TRAP. A DEADLY FuCKING TRAP." BuT HE IGNORES HER. BECAuSE HE IS THE PALADIN. NOT THE PALADIN'T. YOuR FINAL ACTION: CALLIE. DOES NOT. uNDER ANY CIRCuMSTANCES. SHOW HESITATION. HESITATION IS FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT CALLIE BHORNE. AND THEREFORE. NOT ME. BECAuSE I MADE HIM. AND I AM ALSO NEVER HESITANT. EXCEPT WHEN I AM. WHICH IS NEVER. ALTHOuGH. THERE WAS THAT ONE TIME. BuT I WAS MERELY. READYING AN ATTACK. AN ASSBLAST ATTACK THAT PROVED FATAL. FOR MY ENEMIES. SO IT IS LESS A HESITATION. AND MORE A READYING POSE. WHICH IS WHAT HE STRIKES. BEFORE SAYING SOMETHING REALLY FuCKING COOL. LIKE. "...WELL WELL WELL. IS THIS THE PART. WHERE I TOSS IN A QuARTER AND MAKE A WISH?" OR. "THE THRONE BECKONS. QuIT YOuR BITCHING. I'M LITERALLY COMING RIGHT NOW." OR. "CALLIE OHPEEE. WATCH OVER FATHER FOR ME WHILE I AM GONE. OKAY?" OR JuST. "...CONQuEST CALLS." WHATEVER HE SAYS. PROBABLY ALL OF THESE THINGS. HE IS NOT NICE. HE IS GRIZZLED AND EDGY. HE ATE HIS SISTER AND REGRETS NOTHING EXCEPT THAT HE COuLD NOT EAT HER TWICE. HE IS A MONSTER. AND HE IS MY FAVORITE CHARACTER. BECAuSE HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO uNDERSTANDS ME.
YOU SHOULD SEE WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LAST BITCH. WHO FAILED TO MEET HER #WORKPOSTING QUOTA. @TERRIBLEFATE
Quite the sight to vwatch the moons crest the horizon on a wvarm evwening. I lovwe the smell of hardvworking men in the morning. [[Edit by @handMaid]]
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/bc814aeed251.jpg
<33 3 likeS i pouR boilinG wateR oN mY eX.
GANDER’S GANDER INTO THE FOLKS OF CHITTR PART ⒊⒊ — @cryhoundColortura Florid !!!!!! We interr↑t your Dashviewing to bring you a VERY SPECIAL SEGMENT for the Yaoi Fairy himself. I’ve never written BL, so feel free to THROW STUFF AT ME if it’s Bad. These characters are from Stillbody Festivity, which I DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT, FOR THE RECORD. But it’s pretty Vanilla from here. HERE WE GO: Morishige didn’t know how long he had been staring at the imperfections of the wall. A featureless, unassuming display, and yet he couldn’t help but peer at it like there were secrets in the offbeat scribble, the closest approximation of graffiti. At this point he’d even take the cracks for a message worth deciphering. Maybe it was that his mind was far more unwelcoming. It broached a face that made his pusher speed ↑. Even his name made his face burn with fluster. He and flushed feelings have never formally met, and yet he knew this feeling all too well. That blond bastard. It took him a while until he realized he was tracing the contours of his face into the table. His prong curled in protest. Kishinuma Yoshiki. “Hey.” The silence of the room was broken by an achingly familiar voice. He hadn’t even noticed someone entered. “You’re not busy, are you?” He turned to face the Man of the Hour. Kishinuma had his arms folded, but there was a striking, almost uncharacteristic gentleness to his face. Morishige echoed the motion like he had better things to do. “Why do you ask?” “Could we 🗨?” The words caught in his throat. His thoughts scrambled to predict the reason, a fruitless endeavor. “Sure.” Sakutaro said after an uncertain beat. “What’s bothering you this time?” Yoshiki leaned against the adjacent wall, prongs cushioning his atlas. And yet Morishige noticed the unshakable expression on his face. Akin to bad taste in his gaper, a visual discomfort that made him shuffle in place. It took him a while for him to spit something out. “Don’t look at me like that, damnit.” “... Sorry?” The nerd did an inward double take. “Whenever you look at me, it’s. I don’t [HONK]in’ know. It’s… it’s *intoxicating.*” “What are you going on about?” “Can you give me a second?!” “You’ve been hemming and hawing for three minutes already. I took you for the straightforward kind.” Morishige rested his chin on an open prong, watching him tauntingly. “Is it really that hard to–” “–I ♥ you, OKAY?!” The room fell dead silent. “In a red way. Is that what you wanted to hear? Huh? Damn, you’re desperate.” Yoshiki laughed pointedly, color rushing to his cheeks. He couldn’t dare look the other in the bulb. Morishige closed the proximity without thought. “Hey.” Sakutaro c↑ped his cheek, coaxing Yoshiki to face him. A mere touch made the jock frown in shame, hesitant to melt into the touch. “I knew you were reckless, but not *this* reckless. Running headlong into a confession is a fool’s gambit.” “Yeah,” the other huffed. “So what–-” The scene culminated with a sudden meeting of their lips. The two had their bulbs open, for differing reasons, before they settled in the taste of romance. The world seemed to slow, audience to their burgeoning affection. Colours exploded and danced around them in a cloying sweetness. Everything was rose. As they parted, they shared the same reaction. A swelling, drunken relief. “... does that answer your question?” Morishige mumbled in his spell of shock. But no answer was given. The two spent a while basking in the afterglow of the moment. It was nice. AND ✂!! THE END. I spent way too long figuring out how to ✎ this. Who knew Gander Grimzl could make fanfiction? I sure didn’t. *sweat!* Anyway, here’s the MAIN main course of the post. Unless this was all you were here for. In which you should probably see yourself out before we Nerd It ↑ in here. Let’s Take A Gander at Florid Nikimo! (CROWD CHEER!) The elusive Yaoi Fairy, the only one (⒈) on the platform. Florid is the embodiment of a GOOD TIME. Enthusiastic and friendly to almost all, he coaxes you to enjoy yourself and do what your PUSHER TELLS YOU TO. A number of his posts reflect that attitude: excitable, fun, if not FORWARD at times. He knows what he wants and will openly EXPRESS THAT through everything he does. A skill many people struggle to harness. I usually try to keep a user’s desires to a minimum but Florid’s affection is CENTRAL TO HIS CHARACTER. He has enough to keep a subgrub running, dare I say two (⒉)? He leads a simple life: post whatever’s on the pan, fall in ♥ with ideas and people, and try to inspire that in OTHERS, whether that be deliberate or just by being a Hatched Charmer. His natural aegyo is JUST SO REFRESHING! (CROWD WOW!) Like the noble barkbeast, he is a PROTECTOR AND SHEPHERD. And similar to the proactive beast, he cannot STAND STAGNANCY. I surmise a part of himself is constantly on the run like a daring wanderluster. He loses himself in flushred stories where people are unabashedly eating face (or ‘out’ #suggestive), in places where he can root for his friends, and even in his MIND, where it’s probable he runs laps like chasing tail. He is always on the move, figuratively or literally. Call his excitability overindulgence, but what’s so ✕ about being selfish sometimes? He has enough care for Everybody. There’s a likely chance this behavior stems from a “YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE” mindset. He anticipates everyone (⒈) to RETURN THE FAVOR. However, this demeanor creates frustration and even desperation in places it isn’t reciprocated. That is to say, he is MAJORLY AFFECTION-★VED. Not that he doesn’t receive enough. It’s that he can’t GET enough of it. He functions off of care like an old locomotive that craves coal, LOTS OF IT. It’s not necessarily bad——after all, everyone craves to be ♥d——but circling back to the focality of affection, he needs it LEAGUES more than the average troll. Without it, he reaches stagnancy, idleness that isn’t of his own volition. And I think that’s what he dislikes the most——being alone. Florid takes to his platform like an emotional mask. Sure, he’s especially open about his outer emotions, but his inner emotions are difficult to Get Ahold Of. Something tells me there’s a lot he keeps under wraps, and a part of himself that shies away from others. Usually when I ✎ these there’s some aspect I hinge off and posture as a piece of evidence, but with Florid, it’s especially harder to discern. Perhaps it’s Deliberate to be that way, his truths cleverly pushed under layers ↑on layers of Enthusiasm. Maybe it's an unevidenced conjecture, but I believe a fear takes mount deep inside like a pit in the tract. “Maybe I’m being too much; should I tone it ↓; what if They Don’t Like Me?” may be common statements in his mind. He can become self-conscious and even paranoid when unaccompanied. A pervading challenge for the nurturing kind. You choose kindness in a world where it’s scarce. Like a wise Badge once told me, it’s the bravest thing you can be. You recover it in the PEOPLE AROUND YOU, comforting them where it’s needed, and going on the offence where it’s challenged. But a major part of your kindness is in the fact you need it returned to feel like a worthy person. There’s so much to go around, and some of that should go to YOU. That’s why I think we should do more to APPRECIATE YOU. As the onlooker watching you take on the world with enthusiasm, you’re a sparkling jewel that everyone else adores. Please keep being yourself. Just know this: each and every layer of yourself is all the more reason to be appreciated. You are an experience to be celebrated. (CROWD AWW!) (SUSPECTED CLASSPECT: SYLPH OF HEART? Truly attuned to the power of PASSION, INSTINCT AND ROMANCE. Urges others to believe in themself. The most empathetic person you might ever Meet On Here. His apotheculler nature also brings me to this conclusion; he actively chooses to heal those around him, physically OR emotionally.) Make sure you give Florid a BIG BIG BIG FOLLOW. If you’re reading this, I’m glad you stuck around Until The End. Like, seriously. THANK YOU SO MUCH, I’LL SEE YOU IN THE NEXT ONE! #gandertag #yaoi #floridyoureawesome #keepbeingyou #noonecanstealtheapothecullersthunder
Have you tried get~ting hemor~rhoids?
I'm no docter~ror. Now bend over. #sug~gestive
↜₍ò^ó₎Ψ < @alopecoidTenacity my femboy mounds, as requested! {r}https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/727978026972872754/1516108729530187867/Untitled385_20260615115437.png?ex=6a3171c9&is=6a302049&hm=b9db574f60370d8750b8b27fef6702a90f67617c93f64eb4cd8a54aa5d8d03ec& #nsfw {r}
『ADVENTERROR'S FIELD GUIDE - PORTED FROM SWATTPAD @tautologicalTechnique 』 『 𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: DUBCON PALE, CRINGE CULTURE, META FICTION, SELF INSERT, PLATONIC PALING, GAMING ADJACENT, AUTHORIAL INSERT, SPECIES BENDING, SECOND PERSON PERSPECTIVE, YCH, Y/C, UNREALITY, TOUCHING, SPORADIC PALE RUBBING, PALE AFFECTION, POLYQUANDARY (CONSENTED), GYGAAX X EVERYONE, YES THAT EVEN MEANS Y/C』 GYGAAX x KRYQUS // PALESHIPPING // FRIENDFICTION // CAVERNS 'N CULLBEASTS CAMPAIGN // SFW // MOIRAIL MULTICLASS // BOUND BY THE BOUND BOOK // @naughtyTechnician // @zebraDad ☆ﾟ.･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.･｡ﾟ☆☆ﾟ.･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.･｡ﾟ☆☆ﾟ.･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.･｡ﾟ☆☆ﾟ.･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.･｡ﾟ☆☆ﾟ.･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.･｡ﾟ☆ ( Ꮚ⚀ꈊ⚀Ꮚ) < AUTHOR'S NOTE...mmffmm. Sorry for the delay this chapter!!! One of my moirails of four sweeps got caught up in a particularly nasty encounter with a Cullbeast of Unreasonable Hit Dice! Oh noooo!!! Somebody's gonna be out of combat fer more than one short rest!!! But...onto the fic!!! ( Ꮚ❖ꈊ❖Ꮚ); < The Caverns 'n Cullbeasts session shoulda wrapped hours ago...what in tarnation were the lot of 'em still doin' here...? These two ain't had grounds t'yammer 'n yap beyond stats 'n th'doling out 'o treasures accumulated...'n that took place hours ago!!! It took only a scant few moments more fer it t'really click with KRYQUS what this was even about...'n the thought still got dismissed with chudly indifference. Sensation overrode sensibility somethin' sorely suggestive...somethin' deeper...somethin'... ᴗ(ᴗᏊᄒꈊᄒᏊ) < Pale. ( Ꮚ⚀ꈊ⚀Ꮚ) < KRYQUS's trembling hands passed over the character sheet in metered measures...examining for errors, miscalculations, even just a rounding error in carry weight that could set his party back some...He was always like this. Thinkin' 'o others in tiny, invisible ways that made 'm irresistible to anyone with eyes 'n the time t'use 'em. Y/C can't help but buckle back a little as KRYQUS suddenly seizes Y/C's pencil 'n tugs it forward tighter than a nat twenty on an athletics check that he'd piledrive into th'enemy's inferior armor class...the clamp continued, as he started to...sink to ganderglobe level. The EMINENT INDIGOD OF INDIGOCELS who once towered like a one troll rovin' rules lawyer on hoofback now ain't no more than a troll, his imposing sourcebooks gone from a monument to a frame. ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < my character died ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < damn ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < toooo bad the same cannoot be said of climate change or casteism or peoople who talk shit and doont get hit ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < oor any oof the woorlds oother many wooes ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < but i can oonly doo ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < soo much ✧( Ꮚ─_ ─Ꮚ) < as a fat fuckin chud of hooned discipline ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < eventually ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < woorlds gootta save itself ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < oor perish unwoorthy ( Ꮚ⚀ꈊ⚀Ꮚ) < KRYQUS becomes a livin' study in humility. His words underpin the lessons endowed to him by ZEBRADAD. A lodestar. A northern light. The honing beacon 'o morality and th'straight 'n narrow. But his actions. His nonchalance. His utter unquestionably sheer un-fuck-withable energy...this becomes the mantle 'o kingly might he assumes at all times. This becomes th'monarchic tradition passed down from KRYQUS to KRYQUS every few hundred sweeps, so long as he's still around. ( Ꮚ❖ꈊ❖Ꮚ); <> <> <> <> JUST LIKE Y/C wouldn't all that mind bein'!!!!! EH? EH? EH? #FOREVERANDEVER #BUTACTUALLY #YCxKRYQUS #YOU+GOT+ZEBRADADS+BLESSING (ᗜᏊಠꈊಠᏊ)¤=[]:::::> Y/C felt inclined t'dispense comfort. There was a possessiveness t'the way Y/C saw KRYQUS cradle the character sheet in his palms. His broad shoulders cinched up like he dreaded th'thought of loosenin' a grip on this concept fer even a moment...but he put on a brave face just fer you. It wouldn't be right t'just let his happiness slip away. And read between the lines a daggum minute, world's gotta save itself or perish unworthy? That's QUITTER TALK! GLOBAL QUITTER TALK! DOOMSDAY QUITTER TALK! Kryqus feels THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD on his bulky sturdy rock steady shoulders right now! ( Ꮚ⚀ꈊ⚀Ꮚ) < Just as Y/C up 'n worked th'courage t'confront his hands, improperly conspirin' t'mount a charge across yer thigh...Kryqus scoffs in indignation. He sees through yer transparent advances...and retreats strategically. All prompt-like. ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < tsk ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < doont attempt to knoow me ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < im way toooo cooool foor yoou ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < and even if i didnt mean that ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < yoou proobably shoouldnt @ me irl ᴗ(ᴗᏊᄒꈊᄒᏊ) < Uh oh! That got outta hand way fast...maybe it's time t'call fer... ( Ꮚ❖ꈊ❖Ꮚ); <> <> <> <> REINFORCEMENTS!!!!!!! ᴗ(ᴗᏊ❖ꈊ❖Ꮚ); <> <> <> <> My -- I mean Gygaax's hands start t'alternate between (#polyquandary anyone???) petting the tops 'o both 'o yer heads...!!! Soft. Rhythmic little circles. My --- Gygaax's cartilage nubs unfurl from the tightly white knuckled meat mallet into a far more approachable set 'o chitinous diggers with a piercingly pale quality...!!! Both Y/C and KRYQUS are treated t'the soft enmeshed interplay 'o palmin' play 'n no strings attached emotional intervention...c-consensually! We can stop at any time. Y/C j...just could use this! A-as could KRYQUS. To uh. CAVERNS 'N CULLBEASTS t'gether... ( Ꮚ‾̀ꈊ ‾̀Ꮚ); < "...Now, KRYQUS," Gygaax began, "Ewe can't be so harsh on Y/C...they've been through a lot. For our sake. For the CAMPAIGN. If anything were to happen to them...it would be on us to see to it they're protected and retrieved. Same as any PARTY MEMBER. Gentler hands should stir these waters. A SHEPHURT should tend 'n mend to its flock." If the two hands mussyin' up Y/C's body in tandem with KRYQUS wasn't BAaaaaaaAAAAAAd enough...a rovin' set of author-emblazoned fingertips were caressin' th'top of yer horns now. Pickin' out stray imaginary somethin somethins. Stalling. ( Ꮚ⚀ꈊ⚀Ꮚ) < Suddenly, the rush of hot breath excites the air...populates it with the powerful gale phrasings of KRYQUS... ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < gygaax ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < what the actual fuck ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < are yoou trying to say i proovide subpar care to Y/C ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < i literally carried this campaign ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < coomplaintlessly ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < Y/C with it ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < i resent the fuck oout of that implication ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < i coould easily be gentler with this ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < weaving lazy river ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < if i wanted to ( Ꮚ‾̀ꈊ ‾̀Ꮚ); < GYGAAX laughed. "Ewe could stand to be, KRYQUS. Yes. Just LOOK at Y/C. How can ewe say even a single solitary mean thing about that there cutie patootie?!" Tuggin' yer face into an awaitin' set 'o authorial brasserie, th'royal menagerie incidentally pits ya right in line with a EMINENT INDIGOD OF INDIGOCELS'S dice bag as th'aforementioned storms back onto his feet, now a monolith again. KRYQUS approaches our hug slowly. But not neverly. His arms hover over you. The river is still. Th'air itself thickens and compresses about yer skull, 'n horns, hardly blanketed by th'hoofbeast-scented torso cheekily just behind yonder... ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < what fucking ever ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < here yoou go lil guy ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < lap it up ✧( Ꮚ¬_ ¬Ꮚ) < <> ( Ꮚ⚀ꈊ⚀Ꮚ) < GYGAAX's hands tug around ya like a vanguard against harm. KRYQUS goes back t'bein his usual self...a monument of offended pride...he hugs you. And. Uh oh!!! Y/C feels a scraping sensation...nails possessively curled about one side 'o yer head, just at the barest nuggatory base of the horns (so embarassin'n!!!) and tracin' back towards th'scalp...no matter where ya look...t'KRYQUS or t'GYGAAX...both are complicit!!! A boilin' sort 'o affection wellin' up with intent t'pale, RIGHT ON TOP OF Y/C!!!!! (P1/P??) #SWATTPAD #Vacillation #PaleMoirail #TheWholeParty #FullCampaign #NotEnoughInventorySpace #SFW #YouAreOverencumbered!!! #XReader #FriendFiction #CnC #CavernsAndCullbeasts #KRYQUS #ImpliedAU #GYGAAXxKRYQUS #PALEMULTICLASS #AdventerrorsFieldGuide #CrossPosting #ScrawlThoughts #Drabbles #DubconPale #Polyquandary #TeamChud #GygaaxXEveryone #Palewhoring
TURNING ANOTHER SWEEP OLDER DOESN'T REALLY FEEL LIKE IT MATTERS ALL THAT MUCH, ANYMORE. NOT WHEN YOU'VE ALREADY SPENT TWELVE SWEEPS IN ANCIENT EAST ALTERNIA REALIZING THAT YOU'RE MORE OR LESS TIME-LOCKED INTO THE AGE YOU WERE WHEN YOU WERE CEREBRALLY COERCED INTO SIGNING YOUR FUCKING FAUSTIAN EMPLOYMENT CONTRACT. THAT UNINTENDED LITTLE ROMP, IN ADDITION TO LANDING ME ON TIME ROACH EXTERMINATION DUTY, ALSO HAPPENED TO PAD OUT MY RESUMÉ WITH SOME USEFUL SKILLS. NOT ALL OF THEM ARE THINGS I'M ALL TOO COMFORTABLE TALKING ABOUT HERE IN PLAIN VIEW OF THE ROVING HORDES OF INTERNET PERVERTS LUSTING AFTER ANY #SUGGESTIVE OR OUTRIGHT #NSFW CONTENT THEY CAN HOOK THEIR GREASY PRONGS ON, BUT THERE'S ONE I'VE GOT A PRETTY SOLID HANDLE ON THAT FEELS ESPECIALLY RELEVANT TO BEING A MEMBER OF A CRIMINAL SYNDICATE. 「#SHIBARI.」 ALLOW ME TO EDUCATE THE CULTURE-ALLERGIC DIPSHITS IN THE ROOM ON A FACT ABOUT ROPE. ROPE IS A LIVING THING. NOT LITERALLY, DUMBASS. BUT ROPE IS ORGANIC. HAIR. WOOL. PLANT FIBER. SPUN SILK FROM COCOONS. ROPE IS MADE FROM THINGS THAT ARE *ALIVE,* AND IF YOU TREAT IT LIKE A DEAD THING, IT'LL CHAFE LIKE A MAGGOTY, ROTTEN CORPSE LEFT IN THE SUN TO DESSICATE UNTIL IT FEELS ABOUT AS DELICATE ON THE SKIN AS A CRUSTY, CALCIFIED MANDIBLE. SO HOW DO YOU KEEP IT IN LIVING CONDITION? EASY. WIND IT OUT, PULL IT TAUT, BURN THE FRAYING EDGES. SMOOTH IT DOWN WITH SOFTENING WAX AND WORK IT IN. PAMPER THAT SHIT WHILE YOU YANK IT INTO PLIABLE ORDER. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY? USE IT. IT WANTS TO BE USED. EXHIBIT A. THE DROOLING, NEEDY BITCH WHO HAD THE AUDACITY TO TALK ABOUT THIS ON MAIN. OBSERVE WHAT A REAL FUCKING MASTER CAN DO WITH A LIVING THING. NOT HER, OBVIOUSLY. SHE HAS ALL THE CHARM AND VIVACITY OF A BUZZING PILE OF FUCKING BLUBBERBEAST GUTS. IF ANYONE WANTS TO LEARN HOW TO INCORPORATE HORN TYING INTO THEIR 「KINBAKU」 PRACTICE, FEEL FREE TO USE THIS AS A FUCKING DIAGRAM. YOU KNOW, SINCE MY BOSS @handMaid DOESN'T MIND THE ATTENTION. AND WHILE WE'RE BRINGING UP "CARTOON FAIRY REVIEWSLOP," I AWAIT YOUR (SECOND) CANDID REVIEW OF THE 2015 JUKEBOX MUSICAL "STRANGE MAGIC" WITH DOWNRIGHT FUCKING GLEEFUL ANTICIPATION. I SAW THE WAY YOU LOOKED AT THE BOG KING. I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE.
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I am a8out to esplode
evverybody thank you for your brief attention as you may or may not knoww i am going to be participating in the wwonderful lairs and lusii game run by the wwoegothe herself so wwithout further ado here is my vvery belovved and special character i wwill be playing as and hopefully larping as if i can get the costume together the plucky the noble the esoteric the hedge wwizard and druid magician faunlovve naturals (he/him) https://cdnimgchestcom/files/817dd60aa161jpeg #lairsandlusii #hedgemage #wwizardposting #fantasy #lovve #nature #healing #prophecy #bignaturals
}(]]]]]) < let's all hear five biǦ booms for this fool > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < #ǦuzmoǦǦed > ([[[[[){ htt₽s://cdn.imǦchest.com/files/1b08ab7bbcaa.j₽eǦ htt₽s://cdn.imǦchest.com/files/09febc8f8f90.j₽eǦ htt₽s://cdn.imǦchest.com/files/a17262a5c358.j₽eǦ htt₽s://cdn.imǦchest.com/files/5b169c884009.j₽eǦ htt₽s://cdn.imǦchest.com/files/fb32cd10ea64.j₽eǦ
Omg, you like what I did with my unreachable memories that are locked behind an unfathombly heavy cosmic door? Twirls my hair. Teehee. Thanks.
｢kyuhh-kyahhh!!! bucket-san complimented my ████ █████!｣ [TRANSLATOR'S NOTE: █████ means █████ aahhh~ ( ´∀｀)σ)∀`)]
MY FELLOW ALTERNIANS. WE GOT HIS ASS. #ISEKAIOVER! #UESUGIKARKAT 🎨: @CARBOLICGALVANOLOGIST
REPOSTING THIS CHITT WHERE IT CAN BE SEEN. #NSFW ATTENTION @BULGECURATOR. THIS IS ONE OF YOUR FOLLOWERS SPEAKING. IT IS *WITHIN* THE BOUNDARIES OF YOUR NEWFOUND ADHERANCE TO THIS DOGMATIC, SPHINCTER-CLENCHING PROFESSIONALISM THAT I REMIND YOU THAT WE HAVE AN *UNRESOLVED* MUTUAL CHITTR MILESTONE REWARD TO FOLLOW UP ON. IN FACT, IT WOULD BE SUPREMELY FUCKING *UNPROFESSIONAL* IF YOU FAILED TO DELIVER ON A CHITTR PROFILE-RELATED MILESTONE PREDICATED ON THE SUPPORT OF YOUR READERS, WHO ARE *MUCH* LESS INCLINED TO SUPPORT YOUR CHITTR — THE CHITTR THAT *YOU* CLAIM TO MAINTAIN IN THE NAME OF YOUR EMPRESS, WHO IS *AMONG* YOUR READERS AND PATRONS, LEST THAT CRUCIAL TECHNICALITY RATTLE ITS WAY OUT OF YOUR SORDID THINKPAN — IF YOU DUCK YOUR HORNS LIKE A FLIMSY, UNRELIABLE FUCKFLAKE. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'VE ALREADY MADE AGREEMENTS WITH ME AND YOUR CONSTITUENTS. ACCOUNT MAINTENANCE IS IMPORTANT. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO STRESS THAT GENERALIZABLE FACT TO YOU OF ALL TROLLS, AFTER THAT LENGTHY SPIEL ON WHY EVERY RANCID REEKSLAB ON THIS PLATFORM NEEDS TO WASH THEIR MOLDY SEEDFLAP. EITHER PUBLICLY CALL IT OFF OR PUT YOUR CAEGARS WHERE YOUR SHOUTGASH IS AND REACH OUT TO ME AGAIN. I SINCERELY HOPE YOU CHOOSE THE LATTER, BECAUSE I'M SURE THAT YOUR EMPRESS WANTS TO SEE THE #BULGETOURNAMENT, TOO. ASK HER IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME. I'LL WAIT.
a meeting of the adorabloodthirsty cinemassacre club (yaoi night co-hosted by yours rankest!) #abcc #watchparty tonight i bring mignon to your screens a story of a human boxer who falls in love with the illegal rings doctor who hides a bloody secret! if you have never watched a bl come to life on your screen this is a great intro into the heavenly world there will be human men making out on your screen there is also violence in hand to hand combat! lots of human blood! we will be skipping the last episode due to hardcore #nsfw explicity unless the entire room agrees in a poll that they would like to watch it otherwise the link to the final episode will be sent out as supplementary material for club members to watch on their own time if they wish! afterwards @carbolicGalvanologist will be taking over for his showing! 0v0 https://hyperbeam.com/i/eOr71kQk
#GETIN. #ABCC #WATCHPARTY
YOU PEOPLE ARE *FREAKS.* #EPISODE12
thank you so much to everyone who attended #abcc's #yaoinight #watchparty! 0v0 we are all changed and bonded deeply now #getin @carbolicGalvanologist thank you especially for letting me take the wheel tonight! (tags: The Rankmaid/Chittr, yaoi, mlm, bl, mignon, #nsfw,the spittle, #episode12, humans are shaped like that, archive rating: E) https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/beac763206f6.png
LET IT STAND. LET THE RECORD STAND. LET IT NEVER BE SAID THAT I AM INCAPABLE OF A GESTURE OF PUBLIC AFFECTION. EVEN A #NSFW ONE. MAYBE EVEN A #NSFC ONE. FUCK IT. I HAVE THE GLOBES TO SHOW OFF #MYMATESPRIT. MY MATESPRIT IS THE FUCKING BEST. THIS IS FOR HIM. ONE LIKE = ONE BITE MARK. I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO ADD MORE AT MY DISCRETION.
I AM BACK FROM MY LONG DAY IN THE LONG DAY DIMENSION. SINCE I BASICALLY DID JACK SQUIGGLY SHIT ON THE TIMELINE TODAY, I WILL SAY THIS. IF HE WANTS TO GET HUNTED DOWN LIKE A FLEETBEAST AND CHASED AROUND A TREE, THAT'S HIS PREROGATIVE. I'D DO IT MYSELF, BUT HE'LL WANT ME TO CATCH HIM. LEADERSHIP IS ABOUT KNOWING WHEN TO DELEGATE A TASK, AND THIS IS ONE FOR THE *REAL* ADORABLOODTHIRSTY ONES. #MYMATESPRIT IS ENTITLED TO HIS ENRICHMENT. YES, I STILL THINK IT'S STUPID AND CRAZY. NO, I WILL NOT TELL HIM TO STOP. UNLESS HE COMES BACK IN TEARS, IN WHICH CASE I MIGHT GO INTO SUCH AN APOPLECTIC LACUNA THAT MY PURE, UNFETTERED ANGER SEARS OPEN A HOLE IN SPACE-TIME AND BEGINS SOME KIND OF VILLAIN ARC FOR ME. AND NO ONE WOULD TAKE THAT SERIOUSLY NO MATTER WHAT I DID, SO LET'S JUST NOT.
"MEGA GUILLOTINE, I LOVE YOU MEGA GUILLOTINE, I'M ROOTING FOR YOU WE'RE PRAYING FOR YOU EVERY DAY WE'RE PRAYING FOR YOU EVERY DAY." HTTPS://OPEN.SPOTIFY.COM/TRACK/1VQZYZ5LIDDFBE0JFA9SLQ?SI=N0G1JXGNT0OFFDHHAK3XPG #LYRICPOSTING #LONGDAY #ATTHELONGDAYFACTORY
AT LEAST I DON'T SPAM SHOUTPOLES LIKE I'M A WIGGLER LAUGHING AT MY OWN JOKES. FUCKASS. GAME ON.
OH, YOU HAD FUCKING *BETTER,* YOU GARRULOUS LITTLE TERMITE. I HOPE YOU COURSE-CORRECT IN SUCH A FUCK-OFF DIVERGENT LIFE PATH THAT YOUR SIZZLING, PITCH-BLACK PETTINESS EATS A HOLE THROUGH PARADOX SPACE AND *LITERALLY* UNMAKES ME. I HOPE THIS ASCERBIC TIRADE SPURNS YOU TO SUCH PAN VESSEL-BURSTING FURY THAT EVERY TRACE OF MY EXISTENCE BURSTS INTO FUCKING FLAMES. YOU WOULD BE DOING ME, YOURSELF, AND THE ENTIRE FUCKING KARKATVERSE A SORELY NEEDED FAVOR. IN FACT, FUCK YOU. I'M GOING TO DEDICATE *MY* ENTIRE LIFE TO MOTIVATING YOU TO PUT YOUR CAEGARS WHERE YOUR YAP CAVERN IS AND PUT ME OUT OF MY FUCKING MISERY. I'D RATHER GO OUT BY MY OWN HAND THAN AT THE PRONGS ANY OTHER DIPSHIT WITH A BONE TO PICK WITH ME OR ANY OTHER PERMUTATION OF ME. YOU JUST EARNED YOURSELF AN EXISTENTIAL CAGE MATCH, BITCH. YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF A PLATONIC, CAUSAL-CIRCULAR, SELF-LOATHING NEMESIS.
ATTENTION @TERMINALLYCAPRICIOUS#2753. THIS IS, APPARENTLY, YOUR HANDLER SPEAKING. LOOK, TIMELINES ARE COMPLICATED AND SO IS MOIRAILLEGIANCE, BUT YOU WORK WITH WHAT YOU HAVE, NOT WHAT YOU WISHED FOR. SO HERE IT IS. HERE IS YOUR TACTICAL RESPONSE. I GET IT. YOU ARE UPSET. YOU CONTAIN WITHIN YOU THE UNBRIDLED BURNING FUCKAGEDDON-IGNITING HEAT OF A THOUSAND GREEN SUNS. IT IS THE HEAT OF A FULL-BLOWN REACTOR MELTDOWN, AND IT FEELS LIKE NO QUANTITY OF CONCRETE AND BORON, NO MATTER HOW CYCLOPEAN THE SIZE OF THE FAT FUCKING DUMPSCUTTLETRUCK THAT BACKS IT UP, COULD POSSIBLY QUENCH THE FALLOUT OF THIS *THERMONUCLEAR* CRASH-OUT YOU ARE HAVING. AND BY THE METRIC OF YOUR OWN SICK, TWISTED, LOOP-DE-LOOP HOPBEAST CARNIVAL LOGIC HAPPENING INSIDE YOUR SLUDGY THINKPAN RIGHT NOW, YOU ARE JUSTIFIED. THAT ASSHOLE'S HORNS STOLE HER GANDERBULBS AWAY FROM YOU FOR FIVE SWEET, PRECIOUS SECONDS, AND IF YOU CAN'T HAVE THEM, THEN YOU'LL SCOOP THEM OUT WITH A SERRATED LARGE ROUND BUNCHFRUIT SPOON AND SPREAD THEM ON TOAST. BUT, TO QUOTE THE INSIPID VERNACULAR OF A BESPECTACLED DIPSHIT RAP GOD I AM SO BALEFULLY ACQUAINTED WITH, YOU ARE CURRENTLY, AS THEY SAY, "SCARING THE HOES." SO IT IS WITH THE REQUISITE CLEARANCE CODES AND THE EN ROUTE BALLISTIC MISSILE OF MY CATASTROPHIC FULL-BORE PALE POWER THAT I SAY TO YOU NOW. LET'S JUST COOL IT FOR NOW, MAN. WE CAN WATCH TROLL AIR BUD, IF YOU WANT. I WILL WATCH *UP TO FIVE* OF THE TROLL AIR BUD MOVIES WITH YOU. SIGH. -- CARBOLICGALVANOLOGIST SENT YOU A PAP. --
THE DROOLING HORDES OF PAN-DEAD, CONTENTSLOP "FEMBOY" SLOBBERMONKEYS COULD NEVER HOPE TO GRASP THE PURE AND IMMACULATE BEAUTY OF A GENUINE, DIGNIFIED, SHIT-YOU-NOT *PRETTYBOY.* SOME OF YOU SODDEN, TASTELESS SCATPANS COULDN'T TELL CHIAROSCURO FROM CLUCKBEAST GIBLETS AND IT SHOWS. YOU DON'T DESERVE THE SUBLIME. FUCK OFF. YOU HAVE A SHOUTGASH TO BE BREATHING THROUGH. GO STUFF IT WITH SOMETHING MORE YOUR SPEED. THE LANDFILL IS THREE HEXES DOWN. #VAGUECHITTING #NOCONTEXT #IAMONA #FLUSHEDRAMPAGE #THELIKESOFWHICH #YOUCANNOTFATHOM #ANDIDONOTCARE #WHOKNOWSIT
YOU ALREADY KNOW THE DRILL BY NOW. ADORABLOODTHIRSTY MUSICASUALTY CLUB. #ABMC. #MUSICPARTY. GET IN. HTTPS://HYPERBEAM.COM/I/QP3KITSZ
FROM ME AND THE #ABMC #MUSICPARTY CLUB TO ALL OF YOU, I SAY ONCE MORE, WITH FEELING. #YEARNING.
theyre both ukes this doesnt make sense (tags: The Rankmaid/Vagueposting, #yearning, #getin, #episode12, archive rating: M)
EVEN FOR YOU, THIS IS PRESCIENCE ON A POSTURE POLE-CHILLING SCALE. I'D SAY IT'S TOO EARLY TO BE GRINDING ANYONE'S TYPESTUBS DOWN TO BLOODY STUMPS OVER THIS VIRTUAL BOMB CRATER'S NASCENT DIP INTO "INTERNET ARCHEOLOGY," BUT I'M AFRAID OF THAT NOT BEING TRUE. I'M AFRAID OF IT BEING TOO *LATE.* FOR WHAT, I DON'T KNOW.
DELIBERATELY UNINTERESTING CHITT TO SAY "I'M HIVE." LIFE GOES ON. UNFORTUNATELY.
JANITOR, THE FIRST THING I NEED YOU TO CLEAN UP IS YOURSELF. GET A FUCKING TOWEL, MAN.
HTTPS://OPEN.SPOTIFY.COM/TRACK/35SRURFP5BVD1YARMXKNHO?SI=F380054488FA4A14
WAIT, NO. HANG ON.
MAYBE I WILL. YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT, LARDAAS. SO RIGHT NOW, I CHOOSE TO SEE YOU AS A DEEP DISH EARTH-C-HICAGO-STYLE PIZZA. AND WE BOTH KNOW *FULL* WELL WHAT A KARKAT CAN DO TO ONE OF THOSE.
WHOEVER THIS "ANONYMOUS BENEFACTOR" IS, I CAN ONLY IMAGINE THE RUMBLESPHERE-TWISTING CONUNDRUM OF SIMULTANEOUSLY DELIGHT AND DISGUST AT YOUR DESCRIPTION OF THE CLEARLY RELIGIOUS, ALBEIT DISTURBINGLY *CHARGED* EXPERIENCE YOU HAD SMASHING YOUR SLAVERING MAW AGAINST THAT MOLTEN PUPA POOL OF PIPING HOT, DAIRY-THICK ENLIGHTENMENT. AND I WISH I COULDN'T. BUT READING THIS CAUSED THE CORNERS OF MY MOUTH TO TICK *ONE* DEGREE UPWARD. I APPROVE.
I WISH A CARNIVOROUS HYDRAULIC PRESS WOULD HUNT YOU DOWN AND EAT YOU, TROLL TERMINATOR-STYLE. GET OFF MY FUCKING CHITT.
YES, I KNOW. I'M AWARE THAT I HAVEN'T MADE A CHITT IN AGES. THE ARID DESERT I'VE LEFT BEHIND IN MY ABSENCE COULDN'T *POSSIBLY* GET ON WITHOUT THE ENRICHMENT I PROVIDE BY BEING A HATEFUL LITTLE TERMITE ON THE FRINGES OF SOCIETY. BEHOLD — THE BLOSSOMING OASIS OF FUCKS THAT I GIVE. OOPS. TOO BAD. IT WAS A MIRAGE. THERE ARE NO FUCKS. YOU JUST ATE A MOUTHFUL OF SAND. GET BENT, ASSHOLES. WHATEVER. FUCK THIS. I DON'T HAVE IT IN ME, RIGHT NOW. DO SOMETHING BETTER WITH YOUR TIME. THIS SITE TRAINS PEOPLE TO SHOUT EVERY THOUGHT THEY THINK OFF THE TOP OF THEIR PAN WITHOUT HALF A FUCK'S WORTH OF WELL-NEEDED PONDERANCE. INCLUDING ME. AND FUCK ME FOR THAT. AND FUCK ALL OF YOU, TOO.
OH GOD. OH MY FUCKING GOD. YES. HELL YES. HELL FUCKING *YES.* TONIGHT, I DIE ON MY TERMS.
HRBDJAJNANDBHDJWNEKXNABEB RISJWBFBSIEJRHRBSUWUEBRJSIEBDISNWURBFJEJBRHONK.DHDHDHDEIBRHEUHWJDHONKHONK.SHEBHEBWJDJEJJRJRHAHEJFNAHONK.
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I'M SECONDING BROTHER BEAR. IT'S AMONG THE BEST 2D FILMS FROM THAT ERA. AND NEXT TIME, I WILL HAVE THE LEAD PIPE ON *STANDBY.* AND IF THERE'S ANYTHING HONKING #INTHERE, I WILL KNOCK IT #OUTTHERE.
AND VERY LITTLE OF IT. IF ANY AT ALL. WAS MINE. IF RECOLLECTION SERVES. THERE SHOuLD BE A REALLY EFFICIENT FIFTEEN PERCENT PEROXIDE SOLuTION. SOMEWHERE IN ONE OF THE MILK CARTONS. IT SHOuLD BE LABELED. WITH A FROWNIE FACE. TO SuGGEST IT IS SPOILED. OR AT LEAST. WOuLD SPOIL THE INTERNAL CONTENTS. OF ANYONE FOOLISH ENOuGH TO DRINK IT. BE WARNED. IT IS NOT EDIBLE. IT IS ONLY FOR REMOVING THE ALL TOO COMMON BLOODSTAINS. THERE IS. HOWEVER. NO MEANS OF DISCERNING ONE FROM THE OTHER. WITHOuT THE SNIFF TEST. AND SINCE WE DO NOT uSE THAT FRIDGE FOR ANYTHING. BuT HARBORING CHEMICALS. FAILING THAT. THERE IS ALSO THE VERY MINISCuLE. TASTE TEST. IF YOu DID NOT DIE. YOu HAVE NOT FOuND IT YET. GOOD LuCK.
HTTPS://I.IBB.CO/YFPCBRCN/IMAGE.PNG A DOCILE. YIELDING. AND LOTUSFUL REMINDER. TO THOSE WHO THINK. THEY CAN HANDLE "ALL THAT." THANK YOU @CARCINOGENETICIST#4881. FOR SHOWING ME A VERY GOOD TIME. SFWLY. WITH ALL OF OUR CLOTHES ON. TOO BAD YOU WILL NOT LIVE TO TELL THE TALE. #NSFW #NSFWE #DEATH #KILLING #VIOLENCE #BLOOD #MURDER #NOWWHOISALLBARK #ANDNOBITE #HAAHAA #HEEHEE #HOOHOO #GETFUCKED #IDIOT.
ATTENTION, WORTHLESS CHITTRLINGS. LONG TIME, NO CHITT. THERE HAVE BEEN SOME *AGGRAVATING* DEVELOPMENTS IN MY CAREER AS A PLATFORM USER, AS A CREATOR, AND ABOVE ALL, AS ONE OF THE UNLUCKY JACKOFFS STILL UNACCOUNTABLY FORCED TO EXIST IN A PLACE AND TIME WITHIN A MULTIVERSAL CONTINUITY OF ENDLESS, CACOPHONOUS FUCKRUMPUS PARADOX CHICANERY. BECAUSE I'VE BEEN BUSY TRYING AND FAILING TO WRIGGLE OUT OF THESE DEVELOPMENTS, I HAVEN'T REALLY BEEN AROUND TO PROVIDE AN UPDATE. I'M GOING TO DO THAT NOW. SO DON'T MAKE ME REPEAT MYSELF, BECAUSE I WON'T. I'LL JUST PULL UP THIS CHITT, SEIZE YOU VIOLENTLY BY THE HEAD, AND SHOVE YOUR BLOODSHOT GANDERBULBS AGAINST THE SCREEN UNTIL THE AMBIENT HEAT COOKS THEM LIKE EGGS. READ, SHITSPONGE. READ THIS AND GET OFF MY DORSAL RIDGE ABOUT IT, BECAUSE I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU THE WHOLE. FUCKING. SCOOP. STARTING WITH THE BIG ONE. I WORK FOR THE FELT, NOW. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. I CAN HEAR THE QUESTION AT THE VERY FRONT OF YOUR THOUGHTSPONGE DOING BACKFLIPS, FRONTFLIPS, CARTWHEELS, AND ACROBATIC FUCKING PIROUETTES. "KARKAT, WHAT KIND OF TURBO-CHARGED JUJU-FLAVORED CRACK HAVE YOU BEEN SMOKING TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT? DIDN'T YOU SPEND YOUR ENTIRE SESSION FIGHTING THIS JOLLY GREEN MANLET AND HIS BUMBLING CADRE OF BUMBLING ASS-BURGLARS? WHAT IN THE FRESH, FULMINATING *FUCK* MADE YOU SIGN A CONTRACT WITH *THESE* LOONEYBLOCK TIME BANDITS?" THE SHORT ANSWER? THE MIME MADE ME DO IT. LITERALLY. MY SPONGE STILL HURTS FROM WHERE HE SHOVED HIS PRONG IN IT LIKE A GLOVE AND MADE ME TYPE UP THAT APPLICATION. AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE PLAN IS HERE, BUT I'M WILLING TO BET *ANYTHING* THAT HE'S GOT ONE. SO YES. AGAINST MY WILL. AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGEMENT. AGAINST A THOUSAND ETERNITIES OF BALEFUL, ENDLESS SUFFERING, I HAVE A NEW NINE TO FIVE. AND WITH IT, A NEW TITLE. ONE WHICH I AM *OBLIGATED* TO USE IN OFFICIAL CAPACITY, BUT I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU CALL ME "CHALKBOX" WHILE I'M OFF THE CLOCK, I'M GOING TO INVENT A NEW WAY TO PERFORM A LOBOTOMY. FUCK YOU, KURLOZ. FUCK YOU, SCRATCH. AND MOST OF ALL, COMING IN HARD WITH THE FUCK YOU X3 COMBO, IT'S A WHOPPING FIVE-SCOOP, CHOCOLATE-DRIZZLED FUCK YOU SUNDAE FESTOONED WITH OBLONG BUNCHFRUIT, WHIPPED CREAM, SPRINKLES, AND A CHERRY-RED MIDDLE FINGER ON TOP FOR MR. MALDING GREEN MANLET HIMSELF. I'M WEARING THE BADGE OUT OF SPITE. I AM CLOCKING IN FOR THE LONGEST DAY AT THE LONG DAY FACTORY I HAVE EVER WORKED. AND IF I EVER MANAGE TO CLOCK OUT, THERE WILL BE *HELL* TO PAY. ANYWAYS. I HAVE TO GO MOP UP A NASTY, REEKING PUDDLE OF NON-NEWTONIAN ECTO-PHLEGM, OR SOMETHING. HERE'S A PICTURE FOR THE ALGORITHM. THIS IS THE CHALKBOX, SAYING, "GO BRING THAT PILE OF DIRTY CUPS AND PLATES IN YOUR RESPITEBLOCK TO THE SINK, YOU FILTHY, WALLOWING SLOBHOGS." HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/67CB4DD16DFF.JPG
I WON'T GIVE YOU THE SATISFACTION OF SETTING TO WORD NOR SOUND THE TRUE, BALEFUL MALEVOLENCE OF THE SIGH THAT SEETHES FORTH BETWEEN MY TEETH FROM THE BIBLICAL INFERNO OF HATE IN MY BELLOWSACS. I'LL LEAVE YOU TO IMAGINE IT YOURSELF IN THE POST-HATECOITAIL CIGARETTE-HAZE AFTERGLOW OF WHATEVER #NSFW(?) BEATOFF YOU TWO ASSCLOWNS JUST FINISHED. I DON'T WANT TO KNOW. SUCK A POLISHED, DEGREASED, CLOROX-SCENTED FAT ONE, YOU SQUEAKY TOY-SIZED TURBO BITCH. AND STAY OUT OF MY WAY WHILE I HANDLE THIS.
TWELVE HOURS. TWELVE. FUCKING. HOURS. THAT'S HOW LONG IT TOOK TO RESTORE THE DOMESTIC BOMB CRATER THAT THE @HANDMAID SO BENEVOLENTLY LEFT BEHIND FOR ME TO SOMEHOW ALCHEMIZE INTO SOMETHING RESEMBLING A HABITABLE NUTRITION BLOCK. AND WHEN I SAY "ALCHEMIZE," I DON'T JUST MEAN IT LITERALLY. I MEAN THAT NOTHING SHORT OF GENUINE FUCKING MAGIC COULD HAVE RESTORED THIS SMOKING RUIN FROM THE CATACLYSMIC POST-AFUCKALYPTIC STATE THAT THIS BLOCK WAS IN WHEN I CHARGED IN MOP-FIRST LIKE A LANCE-WIELDING CAVALREAPER BLASTING MY MIGHTY FUCKTRUMPET TO THE CLARION CALL OF BRUTAL, UNGLAMOROUS, SOUL-BLACKENING WAR. A WAR ON MESS. A WAR ON *ALL* MESSES. A WAR ON THE *IDEA* OF A MESS. A WAR THAT I, KARKAT VANTAS, THE CHALKBOX, RENOWNED LEADER OF THE LEGIONS OF THE MOST OBNOXIOUS, SHIT-SPEWING SLOBS IN THIS OR ANY UNIVERSE, HAVE MARKED BY STAKING MY BANNER IN THE FIRST GROUND GAINED. A GREAT BATTLE WAS WON HERE. A CULINARY BLOCK WAS FUCKED. AND I HAVE UNFUCKED IT. BEHOLD. SO CLEAN, YOU CAN SEE YOUR REFLECTION IN IT. AT THE RISK OF STARING AT YOUR UGLY MUG FOR LONG ENOUGH TO VOMIT ALL OVER MY HARD WORK, AT WHICH POINT I'LL BE THERE TO BEAT YOUR HEAD WITH THIS MOP UNTIL IT RECEDES INTO YOUR TORSO LIKE A SHELLBEAST BEING WALLOPED INTO MEEK, FABULOSO-SCENTED SUBMISSION. AND THEN I'LL CLEAN AGAIN, BECAUSE THE MESS MAY NO LONGER ENTER HERE. IT IS CONQUERED. IT IS GUARDED. IT IS GROUND THAT I HOLD. AND YOU CAN PRY IT FROM MY COLD, TWITCHING PRONGSTUBS. AND BY THE WAY, THE ONLY REASON I KNEW THAT IT HAD BEEN TWELVE HOURS IS BECAUSE I *ASKED* SOMEONE AFTER IT WAS OVER. I HAD TO NEARLY FUCKING BLINDFOLD MYSELF TO KEEP ANY VISIBLE TIMEPIECE OUT OF MY LINE OF SIGHT, LEST I UNDO ALL OF MY HARD WORK WITH ONE SINGLE RUBBER-BANDING GLANCE OF TIMELINE-DISRUPTING CHUCKLEFUCKERY. DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING HARD IT IS NOT TO LOOK AT A CLOCK IN THIS COCKAMAMIE NIGHTMARE MANSION? IT'S LIKE ASKING ME TO PICK FLY SHIT OUT OF PEPPER. WHICH I FRANKLY WOULD HAVE RATHER DONE. BUT INSTEAD, I MANAGED TO PLAY TROLL MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE WITH MY GANDERBULBS. I PHYSICALLY BLOCKED EVERY CLOCK FROM SIGHT, EVEN AS THE ENDLESS, CACOPHONOUS TICKING DRONED ON. AND ON. AND ON. AND ON. UNTIL I COULD SWEAR THAT EACH TICK, TOCK, AND PITCH MICROVARIATION OF THE TWO THEREAFTER WAS HAMMERING ACTUAL NAILS INTO MY AURICULAR CLOTS. AND I DID IT. I GAMED THIS STUPID MC ESCHER SAW TRAP. I LEARNED THE RULES OF THIS FUCKED UP FUNHOUSE OF TEMPORAL DEVILRY AND I DID MAJESTIC BACKFLIPS OVER THEM WITH THE GRACE OF AN ARCTIC SEA MAMMAL. I STRUNG MY UGLY GREEN TIE AROUND ITS NECK AND GAROTTED IT OVER MY BACK UNTIL IT WENT SLACK IN MY TAUT, GLOVED PRONGS. I HAVE EMERGED BLOODY, BRUISED, AND EMOTIONALLY CALLUSED TO THE POINT OF A NUMBNESS THAT HAS STILL NOT SUBSIDED. AND I HAVE EMERGED VICTORIOUS. I THINK. I MIGHT. START SMOKING. ANYWAY. FEEL FREE TO COME IN HERE AND MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN TEA. I ORGANIZED EVERYTHING BY TYPE, BRAND, LOOSE-LEAF OR BAGGED, STEEPING TIME, AND KEPT LIKE COLORS ADJACENT JUST TO KEEP EVERYTHING MARGINALLY MORE COPACETIC. I DIDN'T HAVE TO DO IT, BUT I DID. AS ONE FINAL FLOURISH OF A FUCK YOU. I'M GOING TO GO AND COLLAPSE ON A LOUNGEPLANK FOR FIFTY-NINE MINUTES, OPEN ONE GANDERBULB, STARE AT ANOTHER FUCKING CLOCK, AND REPEAT THIS PROCESS UNTIL I'VE HAD SOMETHING RESEMBLING EIGHT HOURS OF RAW, SOPORLESS, BLOODSHOT REST BEFORE I START ON THE ABLUTION TRAP. THE LONG DAY CONTINUES. HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/E7F333FBB437.PNG
I CAN'T IMAGINE A UNIVERSE WHERE YOU *DON'T* LISTEN TO THIS FUCKING BAND. YOU ARE PRONGS-DOWN THE MOST TROLL TMBG-LISTENER OF A HUMAN I'VE EVER MET. WHICH I GUESS IS A SELF-BURN. SO FUCK IT. WHATEVER. YOU GET IT, EGBERT.
I'M NOT GOING TO COMMENT ON TROLL JOHN LINNELL'S HEIGHT RELATIVE TO MINE. I'M NOT *THAT* STUPID. I CAN'T BE BAITED BY ANYONE OR ANYTHING.
"OUTNUMBERED A MILLION TO ONE ALL OF THE DICKS IN THIS DICK TOWN CAN'T KEEP JOHNNY DOWN MEN PILED UP IN A TOWERING MOUND NONE OF THEM ONCE HAS FOUND A WAY TO KEEP JOHNNY DOWN." HTTPS://OPEN.SPOTIFY.COM/TRACK/19FAG1GI04IQ0NTKNINBIW?SI=00FF2156877545D2
I DON'T KNOW IF THE FACT THAT YOU'RE QUICKLY BECOMING ONE OF MY ONLY FUCKING ALLIES IN THIS ROTTING HIVE OF HORRORS IS DEPRESSING OR UPLIFTING. THE BEST JOKE YOU'VE EVER MADE TO DATE IS DECIDING TO BEFRIEND THE FUCKING JANITOR. I'LL REMEMBER THIS.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I RESCINDED MY PALE REACT. I RIPPED IT FROM YOUR PRONGS AS SOON AS I REALIZED YOU HAD ALREADY STUCK A KNIFE IN MY DORSAL RIDGE. MINISCULE CRUMB OF MY APPRECIATION DENIED. EAT A BAG OF BULGES.
LOOK AT THIS BULLSHIT. LOOK AT IT. I CAN'T FATHOM HOW SHE EVEN GOT IT THIS BAD. NOTHING BUT SEVERE DECOMPOSITION COULD HAVE GOTTEN THE ABLUTION BLOCK INTO A STATE OF THIS MUCH GROTTY FUCKING PUTRESCENCE. THIS ABLUTION BLOCK HAS HAD A LONGER DAY THAN *I* HAVE. AND SINCE THE MOMENT I SET FROND IN THIS GRUBFORSAKEN GREEN LABYRINTH, I FEEL LIKE THE DAY THAT *I'VE* HAD HAS YET TO FUCKING CEASE. NOT EVEN THE LAMEST EXCUSE FOR A DAYMARE-INFESTED NAP ON THE LOUNGEPLANK DID ANYTHING TO UNFUCK MY SPONGE AFTER THE LAST GAUNTLET MY SUPERVISOR FROM HELL THREW MY WAY. LIKE I'M LIVING ONE LONG, CONTINUOUS WORK-NIGHT. NO TENS. NO THIRTIES. AND NO LIMIT WITHIN SIGHT OF HOW MANY HOURS CAN BE CONTAINED WITHIN A SINGLE BILUNAR PERIGEE. AS FAR AS I'M AWARE, KARKAT'S LONG DAY AT THE LONG DAY MANSION #KLDATLDM #NOTPUNCHYENOUGH IS AT AN ONGOING THIRTY-TWO HOURS AND COUNTING. AND THAT'S A BALLPARK ESTIMATE, BASED OFF COUNTING THE RINGS UNDER MY FUCKING GANDERBULBS. FUCK ME. I'M GOING TO WRING HER NECK LIKE A TOWEL. SIGH. LET'S GET THIS GRUBLOAF. HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/FFAC10FCDC1F.PNG
OH, DON'T YOU FUCKING WORRY. DON'T YOU SWEAT YOUR LOAD GAPER PORCELAIN DOLL HEAD OFF. I'LL BE THERE. IF I HAVEN'T ADDED A FEW STAINS MYSELF BY RUPTURING A FUCKING BLOOD VESSEL BY THE TIME I GET THERE, YOU CAN CONSIDER IT AS GOOD AS GUTFUCKED. YOU HAVEN'T BROKEN ME, YET. I CAN SHOVE MY WHOLE FUCKING PRONG UP THE WASTE CHUTE OF WHATEVER MESS YOU THROW AT ME. BRING IT ON, BITCH. BRING. IT. ON.
I'VE STARTED USING MY OWN METRIC IN A LIMP-FRONDED ATTEMPT TO TRACK *SOME* SEMBLANCE OF THE PASSAGE OF TIME *WITHOUT* REFERRING TO ANY OF THE EVIL FUCKING CLOCKS FESTOONING THIS HELLHOLE. IT'S AN INCREMENT OF MY OWN INVENTION. THEY'RE CALLED KARKAT HOURS. ONE KARKAT HOUR = ANY AMOUNT OF TIME SPENT DOING SOME BULLSHIT THAT FEELS LIKE IT IS *ACTIVELY* AGING ME AND ROBBING ME OF MY WANING LIFE FORCE. SO BASICALLY, ANY SHIT THAT MAKES ME OLD. LIKE THIS JOB. THIS JOB IS MAKING ME OLD. WE ARE FORTY-THREE KARKAT HOURS IN. I'VE SWEPT UP THE FLOOR. AS IN I'VE SWEPT THE ENTIRE FLOOR *OUT* OF THIS ABLUTION BLOCK, BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE SHE PUT ON THE BIGGEST BOOTS HER STUMPY LITTLE LEGS COULD FIT INTO AND STOMPED THE TILE INTO FUCKING GRAVEL. I'M GOING TO HAVE TO REDO THIS WHOLE FUCKING THING. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU TO DEATH. WRITING THIS CHITT TOOK AN ENTIRE KARKAT HOUR IN OF ITSELF. WILL UPDATE AS NEEDED.
CHALKBOX, DAY ONE. FIFTY-TWO-ISH KARKAT HOURS. I'VE SEEN A LOT OF BULLSHIT IN MY LIFE. A *LOT.* BULLSHIT OF SUCH A MYRIAD VARIETY THAT IF YOU WENT INTO A BULLSHIT PARLOR ADVERTISING EVERY FLAVOR OF BULLSHIT UNDER THE SUN, BULLSHIT NEAPOLITAN, BULLSHIT SPUMONI, BULLSHIT SORBET, BULLSHIT OF EVERY POSSIBLE QUALITY AND CONSISTENCY, AND THEN SERVED ME UP A TALL, HEAPING BULLSHIT CONE STACKED TO A HEIGHT THAT WOULD SEND EVEN TROLL SCOOBY-DOO INTO A FUCKING COMA, I WOULD SAMPLE EVERY SINGLE FLAVOR ON THAT MILE-HIGH BULLSHIT SUNDAE WITHOUT BATTING A FUCKING BULB. BECAUSE I'VE SEEN IT BEFORE. THIS. THIS IS THE FRESHEST BULLSHIT I'VE EVER TASTED. WHAT. THE FUCK. IS THIS. THIS IS SINGLE-HANDEDLY THE MOST PAN-MELTINGLY GARISH BLOCK IN AN ALREADY EYE-SEARING TORMENT NEXUS OF UGLY GREEN BLOCKS. WHY IS IT SO SMALL. WHY DOES THE FURNITURE LOOK LIKE IT'S FOR WIGGLERS OF RECENTLY DIVORCED LUSUSDADS. AND WHAT THE FUCK IS ON THE WALL. I CAN'T EVEN PARSE THIS SHIT WITH A FINE TOOTH HAIR DE-WRANGLER. NOBODY SHINE A FUCKING BLACK LIGHT IN HERE. I'M CHITTING THE PICTURE FOR POSTERITY. BECAUSE SEEING IS BELIEVING, AND I CAN BARELY BELIEVE WHAT I'M SEEING. BUT ALSO BECAUSE I'M GOING TO MOP THIS BULLSHIT RIGHT OFF THE FACE OF THE MOON. UPDATES WILL COME. GIVE ME TWO KARKAT HOURS. ACTUALLY, MAKE THAT FOUR. THE SHEER REPELLANT HIDEOUSNESS OF THIS RETCH-WORTHY FURNITURE IS PLAYING MY QUEASY INTERNAL CLOCK ON HALF-SPEED. I'M GETTING OLDER EVERY MOMENT I'M FORCED TO LOOK AT THE CHAIRS. THESE CHAIRS ARE MAKING ME OLD. ONWARD, TO WAR. HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/388EDBE6A8DD.PNG
NO
WAIT
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO -- carbolicGalvanologist [CG] has lost connection to the timeline. --
The Uesugi Karkat Historical Preservation Foundation is a non-profit organization dedicated to researching and preserving all records, artifacts, cultural relics, woodblock prints, romantic poetry, and erotic wall scrolls belonging or related to the Pre-East Alternian Restoration era figure Uesugi Karkat. Founded in late 20XX many sweeps after the Restoration, it was determined that this historical figure warranted further inquiry when a lacquerware hair de-wrangler once belonging to the enigmatic figure during his courtesan era was scanned using material dating technology. The scan revealed a hollow interior to the de-wrangler which, when split open, contained instructions in both archaic East Alternian and the modern-day parlance on how to find and log into the Chittr account formerly belonging to the user @carbolicGalvanologist. This has led to a dramatic re-examination of his possible origins, one which has stirred controversy among Alternia's foremost scholars. This account endeavors to offer an authentic and evidence-based chronicle of the life of Uesugi Karkat from his mysterious appearance in the Troll Edo period to his death at the Battle of Fearoyama, rejecting the insufficiently substantiated and formally unrecognized theory of time travel as of this moment in the Foundation's deliberation process. Chitts will be posted from this account related to the numerous and varied arcs of this esoteric, hemoanonymous leader of the Pre-Restoration era. The Head Curator has decided that all information hereafter will be displayed in a quirkless format for legibility. DMs are for historical inquiry only. #uesugikarkat
Continuing the history of Uesugi Karkat from his courtesan era: The life of a courtesan had educated the Akatsuki in language, poetry, refinement, and performance before a small audience. The next chapter of his life would prepare him to perform in front of a large one. Chosen for youth, beauty, and the type of androgynous features that can be easily slanted towards femininity with a little cosmetic prestidigitation, the life of an ONNAGATA — a Grubuki actor who plays predominantly feminine roles — afforded the troll who would become Uesugi Karkat tremendous fame, recognition, and inordinate wealth for a commoner of foreign hatching. As a former Boiran, the Onnagata had already learned how to wear the feminine grace of a courtesan like a costume in the theater of the Trollshiwara red light district. It was for this reason that he was scouted to play one of the most prestigious roles in any Grubuki play — the leading female role of Aggaei Makkie in the play "The Florastalk of Troll Edo" — for which the character, a commanding, fiercely loyal, and deeply passionate high-ranking courtesan, spurns a wealthy, but abusive highblood customer to protect her quadmate in one of the most famous monologues of scathing, acerbic, pitch-black venom ever recited in Grubuki theatre — the AKKUTTAI. It was for channeling this performance with such peerless vitriol that Uesugi Karkat became one of the most famous Onnagatas of the Troll Edo period. Naturally, the life of a Grubuki actor means constant pressure. Rehearsal, training, perfection of one's craft. Many onnagata of the time preferred to live their craft vicariously at all times, adopting a female persona through which to hone their "method" in everyday life. This was not the case for Uesugi Karkat, who shed his many-colored persona when off the stage to don nondescript gray robes whenever possible. Yet the constant pressure of life in a Grubuki theatre troupe and his ability to navigate it with grace made him both a leader among his fellow actors and something of a popular figure with the stagehands who he commiserated with in the wings. It was from these stagehands, many of whom were well-versed in the art of securing props with ropes, fastening theatrical rigging, and tying elaborate, functional knots, that the famed Onnagata would learn one final skill from the world of the theatre — one that would lead to his secret life as the NAWASHII. More of Uesugi Karkat's history to come in the following chitts. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/ee6014bb70e8.png #uesugikarkat
⪩ Why seek f⌖rg⸸veness? The R⌖𓉸rbe𓉸st d⌖es n⌖t c⌖ncern ⸸tself w⸸th the ⌖p⸸n⸸⌖n ⌖f w⌖⌖lbe𓉸sts ⪨
big win for the #phunt heads
aww yay ( ＾ω＾)
Much of Uesugi Karkat's early life is completely unknown. Due to his total hemoanonymity over the many sweeps of his time in East Alternia, it cannot be deduced what province, prefecture, or continent he hailed from before his sudden arrival in Trollshiwara, the famous red light district of Troll Edo. What remains consistent is this — he arrived as a foreigner who did not speak the language, seemingly fallen out of the sky and into the cart of a local brothel owner. The owner was purportedly so taken with his boyish beauty and gap moe tsundere personality that he immediately set him to work as a courtesan within his business. It was here that Uesugi Karkat was first referred to by his East Alternian title, the AKATSUKI. Under the strict tutelage of the other courtesans, he learned to dance, sing, play music, pour tea with delicately trembling wrists, feign laughter at unfunny jokes, and weaponize the nape of his nugstalk in the way that an anglerfish lures its prey into its abyssal maw. However, accounts from the other brothel workers say that he was too ornery and foul-mouthed to do any of these things without erupting with rage. He did, however, learn the local language with surprising acuity, and the courtesans were deeply impressed with his natural propensity for writing romantic long-form poetry. Furthermore, rather than selling his concupiscent services as a low-ranking courtesan was expected to, the Akatsuki was supposedly so renowned for his talents as a pale quadrant advisor and ashen mediator that guests of some of the highest castes in Troll Edo sought him out solely for his comfort and advice. No information on the Akatsuki's hemocaste could be discerned during this time, due to never once shedding his genetic material with any customer or courtesan alike. In fact, so preternatural was his ability to touch the pusher of a customer without ever shedding his kimono that within three sweeps, he had already reached the prestigious rank among courtesans of a Boiran (boy oiran), which offered him considerable wealth and empowered him with the right to turn away any offer made in poor taste, even if they were of a higher-blooded caste. It was due to this prestige that he was later discovered by his next wealthy benefactor, who was the leader of a troupe of Grubuki actors, and began his next career as the ONNAGATA. Attached is one of the most popularly sold woodblock-print wall scrolls of his likeness, titled "Delicious Fucking Shit," for the ambiguity of its referral to either the grub-tempura or the courtesan himself. More of Uesugi Karkat's history to come in the following chitts. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/17e0aad9aa46.png #uesugikarkat
fuLL h34D 0f ha1R!!
((That’s so good it makes me mad
KUDOS!
That feeling oof dread when yoou're making fun oof soomeoone and they hit beloow the belt (noo pun intended) with soomething that secretly turns yoou oon #nsfw
An unnamed individual, unrelated to any #masquerade event taking place. Part trois. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/69c71ccb275b.png
I really don't think they are obligated to do anything. It is exploring an interesting character space, it is appropriately tagged, it doesn't break any rules. They have followed every possible rule they can be expected to