Barak Trollbama
@barackObama
My fellow Alternians...
It has come to my attention that many of you believe I am no longer President. This is false. “President” is merely the title given to the individual currently occupying the Oval Office, and I have carved out a small bunker behind the picture of Trollson Churchhill.
While I will not be attending today’s event, note I have placed operatives to help assist those who may need aid. One team will be following in a secure helicopter.
What is on the docket for tonight’s #EridanWeek? I have not been keeping up with it as I should be.
Oh fuck that noise.
If that oiled up man isn’t there, I see no reason for my attendance.
There is so much of the Yaoi happening between kismesis on my timeline right now. I am sure Rankmaid is pleased.
I am extending a formal invitation to @detectiveMiller, as well as @detectiveBarker, to join my universe. It has been brought to my attention that gay marriage is not allowed in his world, and while I cannot change their policies, I can invite them to partake in ours. I am sure I speak for the rest of my constituents when I say: Welcome, both of you.
I think I would die if I saw colors.
Fear not. We will fit you with monochrome lenses; you will not see colors (and you would look even more mysterious)!
Ah thank you. There is just one problem though. I do not love this fink.
is it not entertaining to see how their cat and mouse game unfolds?
... I'd like to agree to disagree, sir.
Apologies. I am fending off the demon as we speak he is persistent. And won't stop.
Killing people is bad.
Even if your name is Jeff.
I am allowed to Jeff the Kill.
I do not appreciate the amount of people endorsing murder on my post.
i like and endorse the mail! can i help you with the mail please :)
I would certainly not decline your help maam. Feel free to visit the office any time.
I didn’t realize there was #detectiveYaoi sub genre. Clearly I have much to learn.
I didn’t realize today for #EridanWeek we would be put into the detective Yaoi-verse.
Not that I am complaining. Just surprised.
You may break a few laws if it is your birthday. Consider it a reward.
3v3ry day i2 my hatchdat3
That seems unlikely
Remembering this for when Septempurrr rolls around, mew~ 💖✨
Always remember: When in doubt, blame RONALD REAGAN.
In light of today's #EridanWeek event, I would like to release an official statement. I am not dead. The "explosion" was entirely metaphorical, and everyone involved in the event is (mostly) fine (except for that one guy who got stabbed).
𝄠𝄵𝄆𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮 I've occasionally heard that I was kicked out for being a Communist, for dealing drugs, for corrupting minors, or for diverse other infractions of local decorum. Unfortunately, none of these rumours are true. The one I've heard more often is that I am dead. That one I encouraged, hoping it would cut down on the junk mail. It didn't. 𝇓𝇓𝇓𝄀
There is not enough of the Yuri on my timeline.
:33 < i f33l mewr pain, meowster purresident trollbama....
I fuckiiiing l◯◯◯◯ve †hȺ† †hiiii§ guuy i§ iiin chȺrgeee
I TRULY BELIEVED YOU WERE A MAN OF THE PEOPLE. I SEE NOW I WAS WRONG TO VOTE FOR YOU.
Okay I'm normal again my bad.
I'm still attracted to men.
#ImComing.
I have something inappropriate to say.
this is (hittr, we're all sa7ing inappropriate stuff. speak 7our truth!
the floor is barack the yours
say it.
My actions during #EridanWeek do not define me as a person.
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW THIS WORKS BUT I DO UNDERSTAND THAT IT IS TRUE. #CONCERNING POST REPLY.
Biden, delete my search history NOW.
(•́⍜•̀)🎪 LIKE... HUMAN BIDEN?
:33 < its too late meowster purresident... :33 < its b33n leaked...
Troll Biden, of course. @therealTrollbiden
CHAT IS THIS RIZZ?!
Sorry I'm not sure what possessed me to say that.
I definitely like men.
I think I like men.
trollbama the best of us do
Don't we all?
you are so barak the brave for telling us
Thank you, Jeff the Ally.
No one.
fuck yes live your truth king i mean mr president