⦓ I have to get over myself fast. I have to fix myself. So I can be better for the people I love. ⦔
⦓ ... I'll respond properly later, sorry. I can't respond properly to goodwill right now. I'm going to have a wander, I'll be back later, alright? ⦔
Yeah I hear you. You do what you need to do, I understand, I support you.
⦓ My apologies for my responses yesterday. I was in a rather inconsolable mood and caught myself starting to completely reject kindness/not believe that I deserved it and I was becoming rather uh... The kinder people were, the more I was biting back. I thankfully caught it before I became aggressive but I still apologize for my prickliness and refusal to listen. ⦔ ⦓ Thank you for my patience with me at such a time, truly. ⦔
You have been through a heavy amount of trauma, Mage, if I can’t be patient when you get a little overwhelmed and prickly then what kind of friend am I? It’s no big deal. I appreciate you saying so but I for real was not mad at you, just felt for you.
⦓ I know. Truly, thank you. At no point did I feel that you were mad at me and I do think that that made me reject it all the harder. I wanted punishment a lot more than sympathy or empathy or even respect. But I am happy that you did not dole out any such thing. What I want in the moment and what I need are often at odds, haha... ⦔
It’s easy to feel like someone yelling or beating on you can help when everything sucks so bad and you feel like shit. Glad you don’t want it now, though. Emotions are a pain in the ass sometimes. I don’t naturally have them, took a lot of adjusting to get used to them.
⦓ I generally don't... But occasionally the desire for self-flagellation cuts into me like a knife and refuses to be pulled out. Generally time solves this problem... But it is still unpleasant. ⦔ ⦓ I am happy to hear that you've been able to figure it out! ⦔
Yeah, that happens, unfort. Mostly! Who ever fully figures out strong feelings and how to handle them perfectly, lmao. But practice helps.
⦓ Haha, true! ⦔