After a hard day at work cyberstalking the profiles of my other selves, courtesy of my own self-sabotaging curiosity and deeply entrenched ennui, I've come to a decision. Our reputation is in the fucking bottom of the ocean, sat primly next to all the hellbeasts of the deep sea and wherever the shit Oda hid the One Piece at. So, it's time to work on that. Not for any of their sakes, obviously, but purely for my own conscious. Yeah, I have one of those. Try not to act too surprised. My bleeding heart can't take much more of it. Anyway, my first stop is apologizing to women. All women. Even you, the plausible woman reading this. Atonement for all the lesbian life hacks and that one Dirk who thought listening to music while feeling sorry for himself gave him an intrinsic understanding of women. Still kinda baffled at that one, honestly. Now here you go. An apology, a once in a life time spectacle, because any real Dirk would shit himself raw before ever asking for forgiveness. I'm sorry, women. And here; take this token of goodwill. My treat.
fahahahaha holy fuck.
imagine this hate+mediate reaction combo as a reddit downvote. whatever you're doing that caused you to post this unironically, do something else.
Ouch. My ephemeral internet points, slipping from my grasp like desert sand. Hefty blow to my pride, that one. Your critique has been taken into account, however. Worry not, the next session of Dirk PR speeches will be given with due care, and of course, with my Reddit karma on the line.