@turntechGodcest — #abuse
i dont like calling it abuse because it feels different i guess he didnt kick my ass needlessly whenever he wanted to feel big and mighty it just augh #abuse
always torn between wanting to fight him and hating him and wanting to kill him and ruin him because he ruined me or wanting to be good and make him approve of me while i desperately seek him to love me back #incest #violence #abuse
thinking back to my childhood and feeling weird realizing my bro didnt know as much as i thought he did and that he couldnt read my mind or see me all the time it fucks me up to realize there was stuff he didnt know or notice even he had his cams and shit #abuse #cw-abuse
he never told me what he wanted so sometimes all i think about is that time i said something and he didnt respond and i cant tell if it was because it was correct and he was moving on like a cool aloof motherfucker or because he was disappointed #incest #abuse i guess but like mental styles and i dont call it that really but
sometimes i have vivid images in my head about horrible violent things happening to me and i cant tell if theyre fantasies or nightmares that happen while im still awake and it makes me feel weird and not turned off but not turned on just in an inbetween state like im loading waiting to be told what im supposed to feel because ultimately im meant to feel what he wants me to feel and i think i just don’t want to get it wrong and be uncool #nsfw #nsfwe #violence #incest #abuse
stuck loving a guy who breaks his toys #incest #cw-abuse #abuse #yearning #iknowthatcomboisfuckedup