@turntechGodcest — #abuse
in other news i think i associate fear with positive results because of my brother and is probably a core reason i want him so bad even though he is dead as fuck #incest #abuse #cw-abuse #cw-abuse
the casual mix between discomfort and yearning when thinking about my older brother #incest #yearning #abuse #cw-abuse #tw-abuse
i hate the fact that asshole fucked me up so bad i think about him every fucking day i wish he would leave my mind oh my god it makes me sick #abuse #thisisaboutbroobviously #vent
if i ever wear a dress itll be because i was physically forced and beaten until i wore it or maybe blackmailed which oh no please dont do and also here is my size and measurements [file attached] #nsfw #dubcon #forcefem #abuse #nsfwe #cnc #cw-cnc
i really need more friends or to start blaming myself for my issues more haha i mean it cant all be his fault huh maybe he treated me that way because it was a response to how i was inherently instead of making me that way maybe it was me oh my god i sound so lame haha #abuse
wait i want to scare him actually i want to keep him as a pet and train him and make sure he never has to think for himself again punishment for everything he did but its okay ill treat him right too i wont get mad ill kiss him and hold him and when he falls out of line ill fix it so he doesnt need to make any choices yeah that sounds nice #nsfwe #incest #abuse
i want to be scared of him #incest #abuse #nsfwe
i need to get feel small and get beat until i cough up blood and then given a look i cant discern where i project my own disappointment onto his shades #incest #abuse #nsfwe but it isnt actually sexual i just want to be safe #violence
i dont like calling it abuse because it feels different i guess he didnt kick my ass needlessly whenever he wanted to feel big and mighty it just augh #abuse
always torn between wanting to fight him and hating him and wanting to kill him and ruin him because he ruined me or wanting to be good and make him approve of me while i desperately seek him to love me back #incest #violence #abuse
thinking back to my childhood and feeling weird realizing my bro didnt know as much as i thought he did and that he couldnt read my mind or see me all the time it fucks me up to realize there was stuff he didnt know or notice even he had his cams and shit #abuse #cw-abuse
he never told me what he wanted so sometimes all i think about is that time i said something and he didnt respond and i cant tell if it was because it was correct and he was moving on like a cool aloof motherfucker or because he was disappointed #incest #abuse i guess but like mental styles and i dont call it that really but
sometimes i have vivid images in my head about horrible violent things happening to me and i cant tell if theyre fantasies or nightmares that happen while im still awake and it makes me feel weird and not turned off but not turned on just in an inbetween state like im loading waiting to be told what im supposed to feel because ultimately im meant to feel what he wants me to feel and i think i just don’t want to get it wrong and be uncool #nsfw #nsfwe #violence #incest #abuse
stuck loving a guy who breaks his toys #incest #cw-abuse #abuse #yearning #iknowthatcomboisfuckedup