#UNETHICALRELATIONSHIPADVICE OF THE NIGHT: IF AN INJURY IS DONE TO A PITCHMATE, IT SHOULD BE SO SEVERE THAT THEIR DESIRE FOR VENGEANCE NEED NOT BE LACKING IN PASSION NOR AWE. SOME OF YOU FLAILING, MYOPIC SYCOPHANTS ARE SO EAGER TO GLAZE YOUR KISMESES IN A FRESH COAT OF VITRIOL THAT NONE OF IT IS LEFT FOR A *REAL* GESTURE OF CARE. TRITE, MINDLESS PLATITUDES CAN BE HABITUATED TO. IF I THREW YOUR ASS INTO A BLOCK FULL OF FARTS AND LOCKED THE DOOR, YOU WOULD PROBABLY JUST DEVELOP SOME KIND OF METHANE-BREATHING ATMOSPHERIC ADAPTATION AND CONTINUE TO SCROLL ON YOUR PALMHUSK UNTIL YOUR GANDERBULBS BURNED OUT. AND EVEN THEN, YOUR DEMENTED SNIFF NUB WOULDN'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. FURTHERMORE, ENERGY SPENT RECKLESSLY LEAVES A TROLL'S ANGUISH BLADDER SHRIVELED AND UNFIT FOR THE NOBLE UNDERTAKING OF A PROPER, EFFORTFUL HATEPOCALYPSE. GOOD MAINTENANCE OF A RELATIONSHIP IS LIKE CRACKING OPEN AND DRINKING AN EXCAVATED CANISTER OF CESIUM-137 — IF YOU'RE GOING TO DO IT AT ALL, YOU MAY AS WELL DO IT ALL AT ONCE. I'M NOT SAYING THAT THE SMALL MOMENTS AREN'T WORTH IT. SEEING THE SUBTLE FURROW IN THE BROW OF A LOATHED ONE AFTER A WELL-PLACED "GREEDILY SCARF DOWN SHIT AND DIE" IS AN ENDEARING WAY TO DARKEN MY EVENING. BUT IF YOU FIND YOURSELF IN NEED TO REIGNITE A ROOM OF FLAMMABLE, NATURAL GAS AFTER THE FLAME HAS FIZZLED, YOU'D BETTER LIGHT THAT FUCKING MATCH AND RIDE THE ENSUING SHOCKWAVE STRAIGHT THROUGH WHATEVER REBAR-LITTERED FIELD OF DEBRIS YOU'RE RIGHTFULLY HURTLING TOWARD. YOU SINGED, QUIVERING INVERTEBRATE. THROW THAT MATCH. BLOW UP THAT HIVE. SHOW THEM THAT YOU CARE. #CONSIDERTHIS: WHAT'S *YOUR* FAVORITE WAY TO RECEIVE HATE? GET IN THE COMMENTS. THERE. THAT'S *MY* CONTRIBUTION TO COMMUNITY ENGAGEMENT. FLAY ME.
I feel like nothing was able to show my contempt quite like stabbing a guy with a trusty knife until some midnight mook went and stole that gimmick from me and made their whole personality around it.
SLOW-DANCING WITH YOUR HATRED IS A RESPECTABLE AND TIME-HONORED PITCH INCARNATION. HATE CAN BE SOFT. HATE CAN BE SENSUAL. BUT IF YOU'RE NOT FOCUSED ON INTENSITY, THEN I HOPE FOR YOUR SAKE THAT YOU'RE AT LEAST BEING COMPENSATED IN DEPTH. WE'D BETTER NOT BE TALKING ABOUT SOME KIND OF GORMLESS COTTAGECORE HATRED, HERE. LEAVING THE FUCKING MAILCASK OPEN, OR TURNING A PINK LAWN FLAPBEAST BACKWARDS, OR SOME TAME, TRIVIAL IRRITANT LIKE THAT.
CONSIDERING THAT I'M DEEPLY FAMILIAR WITH AFOREMENTIONED MIDNIGHT MOOK, IMITATION IS USUALLY THE HIGHEST FORM OF FLATTERY. I CAN'T IMAGINE A MORE HATE-FROTHING WAY TO STIR MY IRE THAN TO TAKE MY THING AND DO IT BETTER. IT'S WHY I MAKE A POINT TO BE RUTHLESSLY GOOD AT WHAT I DO. MAYBE HE'S TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. MAYBE YOU SHOULD CALL HIM.
wow... thats deep as hell, dude... respect, respect. no hate to cottagecore tho, that sh*ts k1nda dope... tak1ng care of cluckbeast and sh*t, out 1n the m1ddle of the woods... sounds bangarang to me, man!
I dunno I'm suddenly feeling very stabby at you for gut-wretching implication that me and Spades Stupid would ever willingly talk to one another let alone anything deeper. But as the bigger man between me and him, I will simply say "No fuckin' way are you goddamn crazy???"
IN FAIRNESS, BEING BIGGER THAN SLICK IN INNUMERABLE REGARDS IS NOT A FEAT. I'M ALMOST POSITIVE THAT THE SHORT GUY ON HIS TEAM IS EMPLOYED SPECIFICALLY AS A STOPGAP TO PROTECT HIM FROM THE BOTTOMMOST SUPERLATIVE. PLATONIC HATE IS PERFECTLY FINE, TOO. IF EVERY GRUBCHOP WERE PERFECT, WE WOULDN'T HAVE OBLONG MEAT PRODUCTS.
im partial to extravvagant displays a malice like collapsin a building on top of them or runnin them ovver wwith a vvehicle granted naturally theyre durable enough to handle that kinda output or possess simple enough means to resurrect
SOME DETRACTORS OF THE BRUTE VIOLENCE METHOD WILL SAY THAT THE GRUBFISTED APPROACH IS BOORISH AND LACKING IN THE NECESSARY SUBTLETY TO MAKE A PITCH FLIRTATION FEEL MEMORABLE. ONE, SELF-PRESERVATION IS A HELL OF A DRUG. SOME PEOPLE ARE ADDICTS. I AM ADMITTEDLY AMONG THEM, BUT MY PASSION FOR PASSION TRANSCENDS THE SQUEAMISHNESS OF BODILY MUTILATION. TWO, THE SHEER VARIATION OF POSSIBLE BUILDINGS TO BE COLLAPSED ON YOUR PITCH CRUSH IS A RIPE SPOREBED OF NUB-CRAFTED SUBTLETY. COLLAPSING A HIVE? FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT. COLLAPSING A CLASSY RESTAURANT WITH HIGH CEILINGS AND A CRYSTAL CHANDELIER? ELEGANT, INTIMATE. COLLAPSING A HIGH-RISE SKYSCRAPER? THOSE ARE DESIGNED TO FALL INWARDS IN A PERFECTLY LOCALIZED HEAP OF BEAMS AND RUBBLE. THE GEOMETRIC SPECTACLE OF RUIN THAT COMES CAREENING DOWN FROM THE SKY AS YOUR PITCH CRUSH WATCHES FROM THE GROUND LEVEL IS SURE TO BE A SIGHT THEY'LL REMEMBER AS LONG AS THEY LIVE. WHICH WILL, I HOPE, NOT BE CUT SHORT WITHOUT ACCESS TO SOME SORT OF IMMEDIATE RESURRECTION. BECAUSE OTHERWISE YOU'RE JUST A FUCKING MURDERER. WAIT, WHAT AM I SAYING. THIS ISN'T KARKAT'S #ETHICALRELATIONSHIPADVICE. GO HIVESHIT, MAN.
youre a fuckin poet man can i contact you regardin date ideas for future obsidian entanglements this is great material
THIS IS, AS I HAVE PREVIOUSLY STATED, MY CONTRIBUTION TO COMMUNITY ENGAGEMENT. RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING IS MY CHARRED, SMOKING OFFERING TO THE MOLOCH OF THE ALGORITHM. IT'S YOUR DECISION TO PRY OFF A HUNK OF ITS FLESH OR NOT. SO YEAH. DMS ARE OPEN. #PITCHMAXXING.