eridan ampora
@caligulasAquarium
CSO @ crockercorp & prince of hope | actual real wwizard | orphaner (formerly) | your favvorite antagonist (currently and alwways) | peruse #gpoe for pics of me
id like to congratulate the brilliant minds at gentlemens quarterly^2 for their impeccable taste in princes and wwizards not the wworst newws to come back to after an extended holiday in another univverse ((art by @gallivvantingGourmand!)) #gpoe #gq^2 #fitcheck
Father is at it again~. #UnicornFather #Unidad #Substance #CW-Gambling https://cdn~.imgchest~.com/files/8b6a7496d332~.png
hors|e
He's actually a majestic unicorn~! Simple mistake~.
un|hors|e
the prince guides a 30 boondollar megido monday margarita betwwixt his thirsty maww at casa de ampora formerly knowwn as fiesta loca in neww can city #advvertisement #grrrmondays
I h0pe y0u are enj0ying y0ur #megid0m0nday margarita
FROM THE MOMENT THE NAME "CHALKBOX" WAS SEARED ONTO MY CHITTR PROFILE LIKE A DIGITAL BRANDING IRON, I HAVE CHAFED BENEATH IT. SOME OF YOU KNOW ME BY THIS TITLE AND NOTHING ELSE. TO SOME OF YOU, I STOPPED BEING "KARKAT" A LONG TIME AGO. AND ONCE UPON A TIME, I WOULD HAVE TOLD THOSE JACKOFFS TO KISS MY HEMOANONYMOUS ASS. BUT THAT OFFER IS NO LONGER VALID. THIS ASS HAS SINCE APPRECIATED IN VALUE BEYOND WHAT YOUR POCKET CAEGARS CAN AFFORD. IT'S BEEN THROUGH THE MOST BRUTAL AND CUTTHROAT OF ALL WORKPLACE RELATIONSHIPS — THE PRIME TIME SOAP OPERA OF COWORKERLY PLOT TWISTS. A MERGER. A MERGING OF ALLIANCES. PUBLICLY. IN THE TOWN SQUARE. PLAIN AS THE STUPID ON YOUR FACE. A FIRM, MEATY PRONGSHAKE BETWEEN TWO SHITBAGS FROM DIFFERENT WALKS OF LIFE WHO HAVE SOMEHOW ENDED UP IN THE SAME COSMIC LANDFILL, ANYWAY. TWO FUCKWITS WHO HAVE MORE IN COMMON THAN I OR ANYONE ELSE MIGHT HAVE THOUGHT. TWO FECULENT NOOKSTAINS WHO KNOW THAT IF WE'RE GOING TO BE PRESS-GANGED INTO SERVICE IN THE WORST JOB IN EXISTENCE, WE'RE GOING TO DO IT IN STYLE. TO THE FELT. TO *ALL* OF THE FELT. YES, INCLUDING YOU, @handMaid. BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO SEE THIS, PERSONALLY. MAY THE GLOWING-HOT PROD OF MY ENMITY REND ITSELF UPON THE MEMBRANE OF YOUR GANDERBULBS WITH SIZZLING, BUBBLING AMUSEMENT. BECAUSE, AND I QUOTE, "ALL MEN KNOW HOW TO DO IS LIE AND STEAL AND FUCKING BETRAY." AND MOST OF ALL, TO MY COWORKERS. TO MY TEAM. TO THE FECKLESS, MISERABLE SHITHEELS WHO EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO GET THE JOB ALONGSIDE ME. TO THE ONES WHO NEVER GAVE UP. THE ONES FOR WHOM "CHALKBOX" WAS NEVER A BAD WORD. @comedyGold. @gullibleColumnist. @terribleFate, YOU TOO, YOU FUCKING WEIRDO. AND WHY THE FUCK NOT — @veritysGleam, MY LOYAL MAIDLING. @terminatedRegalia WANTS YOU TO REPORT TO A LEADER? YOU'RE SURE AS FUCK GOING TO GET ONE. SO HERE. FOR ALL YOU ANNOYING CHUTEMAGGOTS WHO EVER BUSTED MY GLOBES ABOUT NOT "COMMITTING TO THE WORKPLACE TEAM SPIRIT. FINE. YOU WIN. THIS IS THE PATHETIC, MICROSCOPIC CRUMB OF MY CONCESSION. @scratchDoctor. SINCE THE MOMENT YOU SIGNED MY EMPLOYMENT CONTRACT, I ONLY EVER WORE A SHRED OF THE COLOR TO SPITE YOUR DUMBFUCK ANTIQUATED DRESS CODE. EVERY TIME I YANK THE TIE OFF, IT'S WITH MY MIDDLE PRONGSTUB. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT DIRECTION I POINT IT IN — I KNOW IT'S ALWAYS FACING YOU. I HAVE IMBUED THAT TIE WITH ALL OF MY HATE. ALL OF MY RAGE. ALL OF THE BITTER, FULMINATING CHAGRIN IN MY EVERY PULSING LIFE FIBER. I PLAN TO DO THE SAME WITH THIS ONE, FOR THE RECORD. SO FEAST YOUR SMOOTH, BALD HEAD (IN PLACE OF ANY DISCERNIBLE GANDERBULBS) ON THE COLOR YOU SO CLEARLY WANT YOUR COVEN OF INTERDIMENSIONAL RAINBOW DRINKER COSPLAYERS TO WEAR. GO AHEAD. GLOAT LIKE YOU WON ME OVER, EVENTUALLY. LIKE I DECIDED TO REP THE COMPANY COLORS, FOR ONCE. IT IS MY HATE-FILLED, SPITE-FUELED, IRONIC GESTURE OF PROTEST TO YOU AND THE MALDING GREEN MANLET @caliBorn HIMSELF. YOU TWO, BY VIRTUE OF SIGNING MY CHECKS, HAVE SUFFICIENT CLEARANCE TO KISS MY ASS. THE FELT IS MORE THAN A NINE TO FIVE. MORE THAN A HIVE WHERE I KICK UP MY FRONDS AFTER A GRUELING ETERNITY OF TOIL, WHETHER IT'S IN THIS TIME PERIOD OR IN AN ISEKAI TO THE FAR-FLUNG PAST. MORE THAN A PRISON TO CONTAIN A HATRED THAT PARADOX SPACE ITSELF HAS BEEN TRYING TO SQUASH FOR AS LONG AS I'VE BEEN WEARING GRAY, AND IT STILL HASN'T CULLED ME YET. THE FELT IS WHERE I BELONG. FOR BETTER AND FOR WORSE. SO GO AHEAD. FUCK IT. WHO CARES WHAT YOU CALL ME. KARKAT. CHALKBOX. CHALKY. OR ANOTHER TITLE THAT I'LL UNVEIL IN ANOTHER, SEPARATE CHITT, RELATED TO HAVING FINALLY PUT A CERTAIN CHICANEROUS PURRBEAST IN HER PLACE IN REGARD TO WHO THE *SUPERIOR ROMANTIC CINEASTE* IS. IT DOESN'T MATTER. IF I'M HERE FOREVER, I'M DOING IT MY WAY. OR IN THIS CASE, A SORT OF JOINT-PARTNERSHIP WAY. BESPOKE NEW UNIFORM COURTESY OF @charmeuseCaressing. TAILORED BY THE FELT, YES, BUT ON *MY* TERMS. BECAUSE YOU DRESS FOR THE JOB YOU WANT, NOT THE ONE YOU HAVE. AND MARA. IF YOU'RE READING THIS. AND I KNOW YOU ARE, BECAUSE YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO HELP YOURSELF. I WANT THAT PAIR OF NEEDLES YOU VANDALIZED OUT OF ROTTING GREEN COMPANY PROPERTY. NOT BECAUSE I GIVE A SHIT. BUT BECAUSE I KNOW AN OBNOXIOUS, OMNIPOTENT DIPSHIT WHO DOES. HOW MANY ZEROES WILL BE ON THE CHECK HE SIGNS WHEN I BRING BACK HIS SISTER'S THORASSIC BONE CURVATURE, I WONDER. ESPECIALLY WHEN I PRY IT FROM YOUR HOT, WHORELY HANDS. WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH YOU AND EVERY OTHER POMPOUS, JACKBOOTED SHITHEEL WHO KEPT ME DOWN HERE, I'LL STAB THEM STRAIGHT THROUGH YOUR WORKPLACE ORGANIZATION CHART AND TEAR IT A GAPING NEW WASTE CHUTE. THERE ARE GOING TO BE SOME FUCKDAMN *CHANGES* AROUND HERE. DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME LAMENTING THE LOSS OF YOUR UNDERLING, *MANAGER.* BECAUSE THAT PROMOTION. IS #ALREADYHERE.
They do say the outfit makes the man. It is a fine look, nonetheless.
hell yeah man
xx_HAWT._AURA._WOOF_WOOF_WOOF._ETC._HOLY_SHART......_xx
What an extraordinary amount of ceremony to announce that you have finally learned how to dress yourself. You appear to believe this is defiance because you have performed it loudly. That is a charming mistake. You may spit on the tie before you knot it. You may curse my name while you straighten the collar. You may privately imagine that every thread is woven from your hatred for me. None of this alters the rather conspicuous fact that, when you were finished, you looked in the mirror and saw exactly what I told you to become. You call it concession. I call it compliance with commentary. And now, after all that shrieking about autonomy, you have declared the Felt your home, its enemies your enemies, its property worth recovering, its hierarchy worth ascending, and its future something you personally intend to improve. You have not escaped the machine, Karkat. You have become ambitious about where you sit inside it. As for your promotion, I encourage you to enjoy it. Titles are very important to those of us who require them to feel taller. You may call yourself a leader. You may call yourself indispensable. You may even convince the others. But do not confuse increased responsibility with increased freedom. A longer leash is still attached at one end. There will be no zeroes on the check, I assure you. It was my loving craftsmanship that created those twins you seek. It was my guiding hand, and the blood, spit, and tears of our dearest Handmaid that enforced a sentimentality into them beyond anything you could seek to accomplish. If you get your grubby mitts on them, they will become merely knickknacks. You do not understand the forces at play for such a delicacy. No amount of lathes, or false gods, or any sort of conceited data-miners can replicate the item. You certainly cannot wield the item. Not yet. As much of a flusterfuck as your inherent fury has been, I admit it has carried you hurriedly through your few tasks you've been assigned. That is precisely why I continue to assign them to you. You are very useful when pointed in a direction you already wanted to charge. It saves me the trouble of convincing you. I merely arrange the furniture, place something sufficiently offensive at the opposite end of the room, and allow nature to take its course. You mistake momentum for independence rather often. That is not an insult, by the way. There are employees who require supervision, incentives, threats, explanations, carefully constructed systems of reward. You require an enemy. Preferably one with a face. Ideally one who has personally offended you. Give Karkat Vantas something to hate and suddenly punctuality ceases to be an issue. So by all means, continue climbing. Continue announcing your promotions before anyone has approved them. Continue turning every assignment into a personal crusade and every workplace inconvenience into some grand confrontation with fate itself. It has produced results, which is more than I can say for a distressing number of the people on my payroll. I do not care whether you obey happily. I care that, eventually, you obey. Reach the destination cursing me, arrive bleeding through the teeth you've ground to nubs, kick the door off its hinges. Despite all of this, you arrived where I wanted you to. And if you someday become capable of wielding those needles, truly wielding them, then you will understand why I am not particularly concerned about Damara possessing them now. Nor would I be concerned with your trite attempts at grabbing power. They are just rib bones after all. Even if you were rewarded, for what may be reduced to mere toothpicks upon being deposited into his unending pile of used toothpicks. You should be roughly familiar, given your residual duties of cleaning the manor. You may have even swept them up already. Though, in pursuing my Handmaid's hand in disparage, you have undoubtedly considered the aftermath of your duel to the death over these artifacts. Is it possible that you seek to be her maid of dishonor, staining the title of the Demoness with your own gauche time-poorly-spent shenanigans? While I commend you for finally choosing a worthwhile tailor, perhaps you shouldn't have chosen one so like myself. Your affiliation is showing quite clearly. You don your collar as though it is decoration. You do not quite understand the purpose of this restraint. That is fine. I will teach you. Look around. Any direction. You will know that I am, as you put it, already here.
wowie... uhhh um hehehehe you look really good karkat glad i could made you feel welcome in a place that really isnt welcoming eheh and im really glad chalky stuck i was a lil worried you would say "THAT SUCKS NEVER CALL ME THAT AGAIN" but seems i worried for nothin hehehe (|;*
HE FINALLY LEARNS HOW TO GET SUITED AND BOOTED.
K4RL4T 1 DO N33D TO KNOW 1F 1 C4N L1CK TH4T CH4LK
hmm
im on my fucking way. i am #alreadythere.
its alwways some baldfaced milksop comin out to wwhinge about my distinguished mane wwhat else is there to do except shake my head and enjoy another month rent free in their think pans
this is literally true
d0nt let them get t0 y0u, y0u l00k really hands0me with y0ur beard we b0th kn0w i 0nly call it ugly when im mad at y0u
thats the spirit. if someone wants to look like a drug lord living in a mansion in the islands i say more power to you
hIS BEARD IS, lITERALLY EPIC,
#FREETHEGRUBSCAR.
vwhat a gorgeous vwiewv, and i aint talking the moonsets!
:o) Hee hee... :o) #FreeTheGrubscar
C:/Users/%adeptIngenuity%/not now im playing bloons tow3r d3f3ns3 2/Downloads
THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE. LIKE SEARING HOT RED NOOK.
C:/Users/%adeptIngenuity%/s3aring hot r3d nook vs btd_t3mporary pl3asur3 vs 3t3rnal lov3/Downloads
ARE YOU WINNING.
C:/Users/%adeptIngenuity%/im almost off3nd3d youd 3v3n ask_y3s_i play with th3 swiftn3ss and strat3gic panpow3r of a candycrush-addict3d 3ld3r/Downloads
DO YOU NEED A PLUG. #SPECIALSTARDUST. #CANDYCRUSHING.
C:/Users/%adeptIngenuity%/ah_your3 th3 candy crush addict3d 3ld3r_3hhh not int3r3st3d rn/Downloads
is anybody mad at me
𑄝 chattt. YES!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭 rwar. ੭
I AM GENERALLY DISAPPROVING OF YOU BECAUSE YOU EXIST. DOES THAT COUNT. —EMBER💥
gotta throw in my favorite tag. #erichuds
[[_you've_yet_to_buy_a_coffin,_so,_yes._a_bit._]]
Little bit.
Yes, As Always.
my gender identity is sigma male. my pronouns are wwork/hard. i stim by makin money. im hyperfixated on the grind. my special interest is the hustle. my coping strategy is castin spells. i kin success. i dont havve rejection sensitivve dysphoria because rejection is a mindset
ii cant beliieve ii almo2t laughed at thii2.
sig my male wwretch
NOW HERE2 A F1NE YOUNG MAN WHO2 GO1NG 2OMEWHERE 1N L1FE! #GR1ND2ETM1ND2ET #HOLLAHOLLADOLLADOLLA #CLOCK1NG1NATTHEJO6FACTORY #WORK1NGHARDNEVERHARDLYWORK1NG
the man vwith the wv shaped birthmark: men of the ampora lineage are tall, strongly built. they vwin evweryones trust and obtain first rate situations, but havwe unfortunate quadrant issues. travwel lovwers, they showv great curiosity and all havwe had ̶o̶n̶l̶y̶ ̶o̶n̶e̶ many vwoman in their vwhole life. my name is crosuke ampora. im old enough to knowv better. my hivwe is vwherevwer is most convwenient, and i dont havwe any quads. i dont smoke, but i occasionally hold a cig betvween my lips. im in cupe by 5 am, and make sure i get eight hours of sleep, no matter vwhat. after havwing a glass of vwarm milk and doing about tvwenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, i usually havwe no problems sleeping until evwening. just like a baby, i vwake up vwithout any fatigue or stress in the evwening. i vwas told there vwere no issues at my last check-up. im trying to explain that im a person vwho vwishes to livwe a vwery quiet life. i take care not to trouble myself vwith any enemies, like vwinning and losing, that vwould cause me to lose sleep at day. that is howv i deal vwith society, and i knowv that is vwhat brings me happiness. although, if i vwere to fight i vwouldnt lose to anyone. vwith the povwer of my stand, 「she dont use jelly」i can dodge any attack. i can unravwel any scenario. i can be a shitty improvw partner. all vwith those tvwo simple vwords. no, not evwen vwords. just tvwo sounds is all it takes to change reality.
8=l < Briefly mistook you as vaguely interesting befoal I realized it was satire
no this is real.
a1ght th1s ones funny
d*mn... ser1ously bad *ss... 😳
ANCIENT IMMORTAL #CHILLYCHASER STILL #SHARKBAITS THE OLD FASHIONED WAY.
What an inspirati0n
BE SAFE BEXAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE ITS GOING TO WANT TO EAT YOU
And thus ſhe ſpoke: Haha, wench, wherefore doſt thou expreſs ſuch diſdain? Could it be, that where my nook doth pop moſt ſorely, thine doth not?
DON’T FLATTER YOURSELF.
I CAN DO BETTER. I CAN PROVE IT. LET’S HAVE A NOOK-OFF. LET’S GRIND THEM TOGETHER UNTIL THEY GO NUMB.
OH. OK. CAN WE STILL SCISSOR.
While I'm at it, I wish to dispel any rumors that @caligulasAquarium and I are in a findom situation~. His fins aren't dominating anything~. Any arrangements we may or may not have are of a friendly, but professional nature~. #Professional #Chillychaser #Findom #ReelTalk #NSFW
vvery mixed signals to be leavvin this one in the #chillychaser tag
Should I have used the #NotChillychaser tag instead~?
and the order by wwhich you arranged the tags kinda makes it come off moresuch that you see yourself as a professional chillychaser like you left that amateur shit behind you and wwent pro
No, you see, I have made a separate post clarifying that I am *not,* in fact, a chillychaser~. I think I've covered my bases quite thoroughly~.
~.~.~.Unless you want me to be one~.
࣪⊹₊˚{ thats RIGHT!!!! }v3v{ #hypergoby }˚₊⊹ ࣪
honestly a chillychaser is an admirable thing to be and as the divvine embodiment a wwillpowwer and ambition im all for dreamin big in the big year a 5008
I'm not sure I understand~. Are you for or against this hypothetical arrangement~.~.~.~?
Alright, I'll see what I can do to maximize my chillychasing potential~. I might have to swap a few feats~.
kismesissitude isnt always the answer its just the answer 99.99% of the time
even for humans? :o
yuppp
youre on your own there
thank you for your wisdom!
I'VE SAID THE SAME SENTIMENT AND THEY LAUGHED AT ME. I'M JUST GLAD SOMEONE ELSE FINALLY GOT THE MEMO
just wwait until you find out wwho wwill be on the cross at the crucifixion wwhen #eridanwweek2 finally has its #secondcoming
1s th1s a communal vot1ng th1ng or do you just get chosen and ra1l-1 mean na1led
i dont believve in democracy
The biggest eril0ser ar0und?
1nterest1ng, do tell more
ONEGAI. DID YOU BOOK INCELIDAN. OR A CRONUS. EITHER WOULD BE MAJOR.
the people yearn for eridan wweek
CAN WE DO ANOTHER CRUCIFIXION?
Please n0t again i am still in m0urning
@abjectDetermination
D3ar god....
CHOOSE YOUR #WORKWAIFU. #THEFELT. #APPLYNOW.
why do i have to choose???
I can't say I see much reason to reapply. But I'd still probably choose the Woegothe, if I had to.
why do 1 need to choose between 3 bad b1tches
had a pretty g0od run with lal0nde lately. pattern might hold.
conjurin meteors and flingin em at the green moon until one a them chooses me and then wwe just see wwhat happens from there
HITCHING A RIDE ON ONE LIKE A PLAGUE FLEA ON A HOMING PIGEON. #ONMYWAY!
W.o°w!!!! These gills are all s.o°o.°o.o° pretty! I just d.o°n't think I c.o°uld even ch°o.o°se!!!! I think I have a s.o°ft sp.o°t f.o°ur @veritysGleam th.o°ugh....
࣪⊹₊˚{ wow wow WOW WOWWWW! just LOOK at us!!!! }*∀*ʃƪ }*∀*ʃƪ were just the CUUUUTEST harborbingers of the END! I LITERALLLLY <3 US! }⟡7⟡ʃƪ }⟡7⟡ʃƪ ~ <3 <> <3 <> }˚₊⊹ ࣪
࣪⊹₊˚{ hehehehe! arent you just the sweetest? }6u6{ }979{ }676{ + you didnt even look scared when you were typing this or anything! SHOALLLL FLUKING CUTESIES OF YOU, SOKARIIII! }꩜ᗜ꩜ʃƪ }˚₊⊹ ࣪
N.o°, *y.o°u're* the sweetest!!!!
id like to congratulate the brilliant minds at gentlemens quarterly^2 for their impeccable taste in princes and wwizards not the wworst newws to come back to after an extended holiday in another univverse ((art by @gallivvantingGourmand!)) #gpoe #gq^2 #fitcheck
You look very nice.
PICK UP YOUR PALMHUSK RIGHT FUCKING NOW.
WHERE ARE YOU.
ARE YOU STILL WEARING THE BLAZER NO SHIRT GILLS COMMANDO.
i can be
lOOKING GOOD, dANNY BOY!
much as id lovve to continue loiterin around this quaint little pastoral shithole drinkin wwhipped instant energy sludge and inflictin terrible vviolence on the locals vvia the means a my eager manservvant all good things must come to an end except OBVVIOUSLY my reign as prince a hope wwhich wwill last ad infinitum lucky for me before i dropped @gallivvantingGourmand off at the torture cylinder depot and began scribing my teleportation circle for one a certain foulblooded bitch of unfathomably ill repute @handMaid fleww across the sea and only mildly destroyed the countryside so to join me for spinach grub pies and energy sludge wwhile wwe wwatch castio duel someones dire cholerbear lusus to the death in the vvillage square ill miss this place #slaycation #gladiating #finality #randomvviolence #miniongoals #gpoe
SOMEHOW. I DON'T THINK IT'S HIS FIRST TIME MANHANDLING BEARS.
And it won't be the last~!
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/a9a2de0683a8.png - MC Oleana
WRITING THIS DOWN.
TRUE. NONE OF THEM HAVE BEARDS. EDIT: WAIT. @caligulasAquarium
NOT OFTEN. OR EVER FOR LONG. BUT OCCASIONALLY. WHEN HE EARNS IT.
Pardon my asking, miss. Are you selling prints of this?
turns out the troll roman forum is inaccessible tonight due to corpse pileup or construction or wwhatevver so i had hektor attack a random man on the street instead so at least the trip out here wwouldnt be for nothin #slaycation #miniongoals #vviolence #gladiating