#UNETHICALRELATIONSHIPADVICE: STOP FUCKING CONFESSING THINGS. IT'S OBVIOUS WHAT I'M REFERRING TO, HERE. I WANT TO BE CLEAR — I AM NOT JUMPING ON THIS BANDSCUTTLER JUST TO FLOG A DEAD HOOFBEAST. I'M HERE TO *HELP* YOU, YOU JITTERING, SPINELESS FLUSTERMAGGOTS. THERE IS A REASON THAT EVERYONE ELSE HAS SUCH BLISTERING HOT SHIT TO FLING AT THIS PHENOMENON, AND IT'S FOR A REASON, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. SPEAKING OF THE VIOLENT EXPULSION OF CAUSTIC FLUIDS FROM THE BODY, THAT IS WHAT CONFESSION IS. A HIGH-PRESSURE STREAM OF INORDINATE VOLUME, HURTLING THROUGH THE FLESHY FIRE HOSE OF A POOR, CHITINLESS SAP WHO HAS *NO* IDEA HOW TO BRIDGE THE ABSOLUTELY STYGIAN GULF BETWEEN ZERO AND A HUNDRED. IT IS EVERYTHING ALL AT ONCE. OR, FUNCTIONALLY SPEAKING, TOO MUCH AT ONCE. HERE'S SOME GENUINE, HONEST ADVICE: JUST FLIRT. FLIRT FOR YOUR FUCKING LIFE, WHICH WILL, FOR MANY OF YOU, EVENTUALLY END. AND I HOPE IT FUCKING DOES. BECAUSE MAYBE IT WOULD PUT A HEALTHY MODICUM OF URGENCY ON YOUR PATHETIC, WAFFLING PLANS TO *STUMBLE* INTO THE VICINITY OF YOUR CRUSH AND WATCH EVERYTHING MAGICALLY FALL INTO PLACE FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU WOULD FUNDAMENTALLY RATHER *DIE* THAN RISK DOING ANYTHING WHATSOEVER. IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE ELABORATE, AND IT MOST FUCKING *CERTAINLY* DOESN'T HAVE TO BE ON MAIN. MY BLOODSHOT GANDERBULBS WILL THANK YOU SINCERELY IF IT'S NOT. KNOCK ON SOMEONE'S DMS. SEE IF THEY LET YOU IN, OR LEAVE YOU STANDING AT THE DOOR WITH THE FLIES BUZZING AROUND YOU IN THE ODOROUS SHAME OF REJECTION. AND I WANT TO SPECIFY *VERY* FUCKING HARD, RIGHT NOW: *KNOCK.* DON'T JUST BARGE IN LIKE THE FUCKING KROOL-AID MAN. TRY A SHORT, SINCERE COMPLIMENT, OR A SCATHING OBSERVATION, OR IF YOU REALLY HAVE NOTHING ELSE IN YOUR HOLLOW, VAPID PUMP BISCUIT TO TRANSMUTE INTO A RESPECTABLE NOD, JUST APPROACH WITH YOUR PERSONAL ITERATION OF "HELLO." IT'S THE BREAD SANDWICH OF APPROACHES. IT'S A PIE WITH NO FILLING. IT'S AN OBLONG MEAT PRODUCT BUN WITH NO. FUCKING. OBLONG. MEAT. PRODUCT. BUT IT IS SOMETHING. AND IF YOU'RE READING THIS, SPEWING SWEAT AND TEARS FROM EVERY GANGRENOUS PORE BECAUSE YOU'RE SCARED TOO STIFF TO TYPE ANY OPTION ABOVE, AND YOU'RE BICKERING BACK AND FORTH WITH YOUR OWN THOUGHTS DEBATING WHETHER TO DO IT OR NOT: DO IT. DO IT, YOU BEAUTIFUL, WHIMPERING SNOTROCKET. SEND THAT TEXT. FAUX THAT FUCKING PAS. FACE THAT REJECTION DYSPHORIA LIKE A MARTIAL CATHARTIST BREAKS A CERAMIC TILE IN HALF WITH THEIR FUCKING NUGBONE. IF YOU NEEDED AN EXCUSE, THIS IS IT. THE LEADER OF THE TROLL KINGDOM EXPLICITLY TOLD YOU TO, ON PAIN OF MY RIGHTEOUS FURY. IT'S MY FAULT. I CAN BEAR THAT FOR YOU. YOU UNGRATEFUL FUCKS. #CONSIDERTHIS: DON'T GET IN THE COMMENTS. GET IN THEIR DMS. RIDE ON, YOU SHITHIVE SLIMECOMET.
I. YEAH. I GUESS. I OPENED THAT DOOR WIDE OPEN FOR ALL THE FESTERING LIFE FORMS OF THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD TO POUR INTO MY HIVE LIKE ROACHES. I HAD THAT COMING. REMINDER THAT MY DMS ARE OPEN FOR RELATIONSHIP ADVICE. BUT I POSSESS A SMEAR OF LENIENCE.
this is what i've been sa7ing! with less words. and insults. and word7 insults.
evvery time i engage in the provverbial slidin into dms wwhich is more of a graceless fall like troll icarus careenin into the sun into the lap a some thick thighed rustette im immediately hit wwith the vverbal wwhiplash a bein called a creep due to the inevvitable nature a gynocracy
I'D TELL YOU THAT DESPITE WHAT A STALE PLATITUDE IT MUST BE FOR YOU AT THIS POINT, THERE ARE ALWAYS "MORE FISH IN THE SEA." ONLY IN YOUR CASE, YOU'RE ADRIFT IN THE APHOTIC PLATEAU AND I CAN'T FOLLOW YOU INTO THAT MISERABLE LEVEL OF CRUSH DEPTH. THE FREAKS ARE OUT THERE, ERIDAN. THEY'LL FIND YOU.
are you followwin me or are you inevvitably an forcibly bein dragged into barometric depths wwhich wwill make your ganderbulbs pop out like a stress toys after that piece a lumpen advvice
JUST START ASCENDING SLOWLY, OR ALL THAT HOT GAS IN YOUR BLOOD IS GOING TO RUPTURE YOUR STUPID, BITTER AORTA. I'M LOOKING OUT FOR YOU, MAN.