Eridan Ampora
@caligulaAscendit
sensitivve young man | classicist | philosopher | radical indivvidual | sophisticated intellectual | paragon a poetic grace | heartthrob a vvibrant young wwomen ((icon by @ratking-buffet))
|| OOC INTRODUCTION || Your name is ERIDAN AMPORA. The LEVIATHAN. You are 13 sweeps old, ruthless commander of the IMPERIAL LEGION and HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION'S lap dog. Far gone are the halcyon days of your wigglerhood. If there was ever a doubt in your pusher about where your allegiance lies, it's long been smothered under the ashes of fallen federations. You have decimated whole galaxies in the name of THE EMPIRE. Despite your illustrious military career, your personal life remains unfulfilling. You are a ticking, MEGALOMANIACAL time bomb. No amount of imperial dinners can satiate the yawning chasm inside you that aches for companionship. But let's be real: if your fronds didn't like you before, they most certainly hate your abdominal sausages now. You have no bridges left to burn. In your free time, you bemoan your various CONCUPISCENT FAILURES in the form of circumlocutary, vitriolic chitts. You are proudly HEMOIST and fond of EXTREMIST IDEOLOGY, boasting a great love for the works of TROLL JULIUS EVOLA.
After the titillating reveal of Eridan's artistic reciprocation, I feel it's only responsible of me to belatedly drop the piece that inspired his sordid tryst with the pen to begin with. Behold: Doom Slaying Feast your eyes on the artistic rendition of a dude with nothin' to lose. Behold the glory and gusto of a stallion in a world of marefoids, all clamoring for a suckle at his attention glands, as if he's going to willingly fork over any of that to some girls that really don't even seem all that interested in what he has to say. See how these shortsighted bessies (all of lower social denomination than him, of course) all make attempts at him in one way or another to garner his favor, only for them to ultimately end up ground under his pristine, seapony boot heel. Don't you know, silly rabbit? Tricks are for chicks, and he's been duping you all into thinking there's any part of this worth salvaging. Prospective victims of his runnin' gob circle him, and he sounds a warning shot that no one listens to. Honestly? The writing is on the wall with this one. Poison dart frogs in bright colors kind of thing. C'mon, guys. Be real with yourself. Anyway. There's also a dope-ass volcano in the background, to represent passion and tension coming to an explosive peak. Blam. The heat of the Earth mother herself erupts outward, but isn't near giving or gracious enough to torch this entire scene. She's Mama alright, but Mama doesn't take kindly to easy ways out, and death is the ultimate cheat code to salvation.
HAHA. THAT WOULD BE DIFFICULT.
Least mysterious fan of the year goes to: Listen, man, I can tell that you're just about up to your ankles in these fine, equine dealings, so I know you've got taste. If you're enticing me to get back in the detective saddle, consider my feet placed back in the stirrups.
hAHA. EXCELLENT. THAT WOULD GIVE ME AN EXCUSE. TO STOP PROCRASTINATING. ON MY PROJECT.
HMM?
that loamy crone an her slaggy eruptions are not the only thin that are comin to a head this fine moontide dirk i find myself seized by a paroxysm a vvolcanic proportions as i rub my roamin bulbs all ovver this masterpiece as if it wwere a scantily dressed foid an i a slightly more confident pervvert the battles just begun my next pen an pencil blitzkrieg wwill strike you wwhen you least expect it
Take out the as if part, broski, there's no denyin' that you're a tried and true pervert of the most unpruned and unrefined variety. Strictly speakin', you are ol' Aqualung on the park bench, pants hastily put on and eyes roaming the horizon for any sign of cleavage. Which isn't a diss on you. Just an observation. It's in style to be a perv these days. Peep the dash, it's every other bit. Regardless, pony up. Let's *Play ball*.
dont compare me to a bunch a feckless hobbyists mate theres a difference vvaster than the depth a the pelagic zone betwween me and these artless kinksters postin their oily booties and monstrous third skippers on chittr i cant remember the last time i felt lust but degradin foids evven in mare form is a full time gig
I think you'll find that these regular ingrates are postin' like they've got a gun to their temple and a fear boner worthy of photography, but sure. It's all about the stats you run on the womenz, man, and where that's concerned, you have no rival. Barring me and my serious case of the post-ironiez. Zzz. Remember how we used to gallop?
Used the same z bit twice, which I'll admit is gauche and pretty obscene. Do you mind if we just sweep this whole thing under the rug, actually? Let's forget I ever even did it.
feast your proptotic bulbs on my half of the collaboration wwith herr dirk it is rare nowwalight for a man to meet someone wwith wwhom "shootin the shit" can temporarily abate the painful throb a the chronic crotch infection called life this is no mere turd slingin rather than aimlessly flingin the poopie the pitcher hurls his fecal trinket at the marble base wwith intent evvery movve is calculated an the twwo princes find themselvves at a stalemate wwhat happens next is a fusin a souls so beyond our mortal comprehension its cherenkovvian shockwwavve is enough to blind an entire carriage a orphans or maybe evven twwo orphan carriages like evvery young nobletroll i havve alwways found myself bewwitched by the davvid paintin a troll napoleon crossin the alps it wwould be no exaggeration to say this piece has touched an rubbed an tongued evvery corner a my barren bein in many wways this neoclassical masterpiece is a lovver but it is also a friend a teacher a hero an ideal an a damn good reaction pic for pwwnin bleedin pushers online in the wwise wwords a 4chum its too late ivve already depicted you as the hoofbeast an myself as a heroic military genius @ponyPal
NO STUPID WHY AREN’T YOU LIKE, DENYING THAT YOU HAVE A FETISH TO BEGIN WITH.
:33 < I was (kinda) complimeownting mew, not (barely) insulting mew.
0︵0 HE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOUR NOTHINGS. NO NEED TO BRING MINE INTO IT. YOU BITCH.
i been gazin at this for a spell noww and ivve not been capable of peelin my gander spheres off it evven for a moment lest i scorn the enlightened precepts and axioms masterfully implied wwith evvery brushstroke before its properly sunk in fuck im gettin emotional here wwe need this carvved into marble asap
Our nothings.
wwhat do you think motivvated napoleon to cross the alps the promise a returnin hivve to his matesprits girlstink maybe if you solidified your historical knowwledge youd realize that yesterswweeps infamous megalomaniacs wwere all ragin panty sniffers
ya but the diff between u and napoleon is that he courted joséphine intensely & didn't grovel for double chin & fupa portraits like his loser interlopers (u btw). solidify ur game and we can talk history.
wwho said anythin about grovvelin its a matter a wwavvin my empiricist holly an you wwill be as round an buoyant as my pusher desires i control your plumpness like the office psychopath controls the thermostat to keep his underlin wwet an submissivve
omfg????? cut it OUT, YOU FREAKAZOID. I DON’T WANNA BE FAT!!!! and no one is ever going to draw your deprived urges so keep DREAMING.
in the end i couldnt bring myself to sexually penetrate the cloth lusus for the first time in a long time i began to experience wwhat you biologically disadvvantaged conciliatory blankets colloquially refer to as "guilt" #nsfww
anyone can call themselvves a friend but only a kindred soul can understand my bigotry for the complex and multifaceted prism it is
ivve done it ivve created the perfect damp an squishy cloth replica of a lusus i modeled it after someones wwaspmom (because its uncontested that wwasps are the sexiest shape a beast can be) i pumped full a gaseous noble crystals wwhen i wwas six an noww im about to pump her full a somethin evven better an far richer than your feeble lowwly pans can fathom
@tentacleTheconsensualist i wwill report back wwith my findins post haste an maybe afterwwards wwe can grab some nutrition slop my felloww fact ferret for science
.... @calmedArmageddon 👀?
absolutely fuckin not ♥︎
Swoon. My eyelashes flutter and my heart goes all a pitter patter.
did you seriously just @ one a my phony poser alts wwho also happens to be your matesprit on my rigorous thesis proposal wwhich definitely isnt an excuse for sexual wwish fulfillment wwomen are truly shameless
do those eyelash flutters flap out yes
sorry to burst your bubble buddy, for once im actually not a woman today (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧
Hm??
this endless wwell a need wwhat cannot be filled wwith the most precarious accoutrements a navval prestige
can you talk normal
D0 y0u need t0 talk t0 s0me0ne
any time i feel bad about my fangs i toss a gold doubloon to pick one a the dozen john humans on chittr wwhose ridiculous chompers make me feel like a beforan fivve
Y0u d0nt need t0 feel bad ab0ut y0ur braces
Feel bad ab0ut y0ur braces
medical fetishism or caste wwars wwhich wway vviolet man
havvin a gross speech impediment is actually proof a bein high pedigree because it raises your chances a bein linebred
tbh, i thought you were, like, troll irish or something.
or worse. english. https://media.tenor.com/G-0OeNi1vOkAAAAM/gag-gagging.gif
aint this rich noww the midshits think they can preach to ME about genetics
Thεy can cεrtainly tεll you whεn you'rε blatantly incorrεct. I'd rathεr bε a midblood than havε a spεεch impεdimεnt...
my hair literally isn't fucking pink anymore, HELLOOOO!! i'm a blonde!!
nevver met a girl wwith tats wwho wwasnt an annoyin feminist wwith small spheres
--E√ Mind goblin deez globes lmao
har har har vvery funny i almost popped a vvestigial organ chortlin its all rainbowws an barkbeast grubs until you accidentally invvoke the pan goblins wwrath actin like a ragin tool
They all possess the average poser chick mentality, thinkin' they can do things like "vote" and "become president", I'm telling you. It's ridiculous, the sheer amount of straight-up bafoonery put on display by these tatted up broads. Don't you know? Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids, and silly women, ink is for dudes.
fuck that hopbeast in particular i once tried one of your ovverly processed humie grain treats an found myself toilet bound for the next three hours at the imperial pickleball shindig im gonna havve to disagree wwith you there mate im partial to a tabula rasa howw on alternia am i supposed to see a guys battled honed striations if hes covvered in trashy scrawwl
I, personally, wouldn't go around advertising your bathroom troubles to every guy you have passin' interactions with on the web, but, like. Okay. Cool. I can tell that you really wear your heart on your sleeve, which I am kindly advising you to tuck away¹. Anyway. Ow. The stray bullet that just nailed me is crazy. Don't mind me while I limp away, dogg, it's just a flesh wound. Don't mind the trail of blood and ink, oozing from my scathed bicep where a delectable little morsel of a tat lies. It's okay. My pained whimpers are unrelated. ¹[Relevant image]
I MAY BE FLAT. AND I MAY HAVE TATTOOED THE WORLD-DEVOURING SERPENT RIGHT NEXT TO MY NOOK. BUT I DO NOT BELIEVE IN THE RIGHTS OF WOMEN. I'M NOT COMPLETELY INSANE. DON'T FUCK US ALL WITH THE SAME BRUSH. OR WHATEVER THE EXPRESSION IS.
troll sun tzu nevver said that i wwould knoww because im his long lost descendant or at least thats howw i choose to identify im troll italian but spiritually troll chinese because i too possess profound martial wwisdom in spades actually my spirit is that of an ancient senior centurion but wwhen one a the moons is the right shade a pink i get a little troll eastern wwith it im mindin the trail a blood an ink vvery much since youre gettin it all ovver my hypothetical carpet wwith a 600 plus thread count prong wwovven by trinese (troll chinese) wwigglers you filthy mammalian mutant
There's not enough words out there, in any dictionary of any language, to adequately summarize how I feel about this particular batch of wordvomit. The lukewarm spit up you've placed directly in front of me is just as unimpressive as it is culturally insensitive. My mind is reelin', truly, from this hard (alt) right turn you've taken this conversation. Anyway. As a courtesy, let me at least try and summarize how I feel. I'm scraping the bottom of the lexicon barrel, but something tells me you'll be alright with it: Man. Come on. TLDR; You can't say that, troll white baby.
i just did though take your sensitivve mudflaps back to grumblr i am sorry about the spit howwevver its these damn fang orientin cables
any pervverts jesters or goons wwith good prong to bulb coordination avvaliable for manual labor this humie is pissin me off i need someone to draww her fat to showw her wwhos boss
humie
@casanovaArmada :(
@casanovaArmada https://media.tenor.com/V9RMUcDVWpUAAAAM/cat-crying-sad-cat.gif beat his ass.
im about to.
wwhere are you man ivve been wwaitin in the mcgrubs parkin lot for sevven hours
id call you a wvery specific thing if i hadnt gotten a complaint by the mods. you knovw exactly vwhat im talking about.
cro theres a hivveless troll across the street foldin wwhile on illicit substances
im sick an tired a findin vvarious chunks an lumps stuck to my fang orientin cables they need to invvent a guy wwholl wwillingly an gleefully clean out last lights grub nuggies for you my poor wwrist absolutely ridiculous wwhat aquatic royaltys been reduced to cos a wwoke
what new access0ries 0u0
BRACES???
h0nestly im surprised y0u fl0ss y0ur teeth at all
holy fuck id rather be fucked sidewways by a narwwhal horn wwith no lube or other easy access substitutes than wwaste another precious second on this blight of a convversation
wwhenevver one of my husktop friends wwas mean to me i wwould take it out on seahorsedad this wwas before i sold him to lusus fightin
8=l < Hi 8=l < What the fxdge is wrong with you
"= oh hey, this guy is back again. i don't know what my original lusus did. custodian lost the files. but it would be fun if they both did that. ="
don’t come to the club
got invvited to the club i probably wwont go but if i do im bringin the propeller hat
How whimsical!!
i’m revoking my invitation if you can’t be normal and wear something NICE.
hmm... may8e not the vworst play it might make the 8roads think you're uh... special they might take enough pity on you to givwe you a handy in the 8athroom
to block the negativve energy a all the sluts degenerates acid freaks an landdwwellers wwho might dare approach me
the propeller hat is nice an normal it demonstrates vvalue somethin a floozy like yourself wwouldnt understand
but i am special im the specialist boy under the sea i dont need a dumb hat to tell me that
i would be a floozy to u considering you’ve never even dated anyone before!!!!! i’ve only been with two people ever, STUPID. you’re gonna look like a toddler.
if you ask me personally im a the firm belief that trimmin your puffage is a misuse a resources i could finish a hoi4 campaign in the time it takes to manscape proper besides wwomen dont actually care if you havve pubes or not wwhen youre a decile eight wwhich i aint so im screwwed regardless not wwastin precious dowwntime tryin to make the situation beloww more aesthetically pleasin for some wwicked foid wwho wwont evven appreciate the effort cause shes more focused on howw tiny my bulge is still this wwhole manscapin movvement has its roots in somethin far more insidious than foids its actually an artifice by big sopor to release nanobots into your loins makin you easier to control
at first i was for this post, cause HELL YEAH keep the bush!! but then it got kinDa saD :o/
wwho cares im ovver it in case it wwasnt glaringly obvviously from the jaded an battered tone a my post im not lookin for advvice by the wway you look fat in your pfp
big sopor controls evverythin includin the empress she sold out to big sopor so i wwouldnt be surprised
i'm only trying to help you out, 8uddy. and no i don't, it's mass pure oceanic muscle, 8a8y.
damn big sopor wworks fast i wwasnt expectin em to sic one of their barkbeasts on me already
listen here, it's muscle, it's all muscle little layer of healthy fat on top, keep the organs happy, and givwe the ladies a little something to squeeze if you catch my drift
HAH i have no iDea what the Motherfuckin hell youre on about but theres better ways to call Me a bitch
crossin the street wwhen you see a hivveless troll #justerithings
ummm, before or after discussing ur thrusting techniques with your cousin?
the languages of humans are truly unparalleled in their unique ability to produce sounds that perfectly encapsulate nurgle the plague lord
oops, is this the wrong eridan. i forget some of u are weirder than the the rest.
no this is the right eri but that wwont stop me from pointin out that cousin is an ugly wword
well if you hate it SOO much, i’m happy to consider you two brothers instead. :)
neww wways to bring dowwn the property vvalue a lowwblood neighborhoods introducin an invvasivve species a nibble beasts wwith an appetite for wwarm bodies breed like 1000 a them an set them loose in your nearest lowwblood outglut shuttin dowwn all the healthy eateries an replacin all food blocks wwith a mcmaggots on evvery corner bonus points if the mcmaggots nevver havve misery meals in stock the gutterblood population wwill slowwly die out from disappointment morbid obesity or both get a comically large hydrogen balloon filled wwith noxious substances on some random bronze kids wwrigglin day burst it ovver the entire party an wwatch as the guests melt into genetically inferior goop the hatchin boy wwill be so traumatized hell self cull just to escape the flashbacks #cww-suicide
im just saying dude. if you vwere vwalking along and sawv an anthill, you vwouldnt be able to stop yourself from becoming the ant bully (2006) for at least a couple hours.
i changed it.
can you change your pfp back i feel like im havvin a convversation wwith your ass an i dont like it
no.
alright then i guess wwe aint talkin until youre not your ass anymore
ok.
im like a tropical beaksquawvker man, strutting my dance to attract mates. this is science.
do not manipulate the good name a science to represent your philanderin wways besides science is all about explosions an i dont wwanna imagine ANYTHIN explodin outta you evver
noww ivve heard the avverage human has at least sevven orifices but the rare exceptions can havve up to ten
ཐི༏ཋྀ The answer 1s 1nf1n1te actually 1f y0u put en0ugh h0les 1n s0me0ne - § 𝒥𝒶𝒹ℯ 𝒜𝓁𝒶𝓍ℯ𝓃𝓈𝒾𝓈 §
you seem pleasant and not the least bit untolerable to the avverage troll wwhos already molted
in troll greece your indigo bodyguard wwill suddenly pull you into a cholerbear hug in public but since youre a socially awwkwward autistcel you stand there stiff as a board wwithout sayin anythin then the vvideo a you twwo hits the splinternet an suddenly evveryone an their lusus are throwwin gay accusations at you
its not gonna be funny wwhen i take those pusher shaped sunglasses an shovve them into your driest orifice
?Duh, they better be. Who wears shoes off the rack in our caste? Eugh.
Are all of you Ampora lads taking your indigo bodyguards to Troll Greece~? Is there convention or something~?
woah i haven’t even made any advances on u and we’re already skipping to dat part??
youd be surprised there are a lot a class traitors round these parts
i did it first anyone wwho says otherwwise is a connivvin prevvaricator unwworthy a their eriness anywway im here for the bilunar riflekind convvention
I would never contradict a highblood so that simply must be the case~! Did you know about the riflekind convention, @caligulasAquarium~?
grippin beast wwargames is bein discontinued an im still expected to clock in at the lowwblood cullin factory as if this isnt the greatest loss ivve experienced in ten swweeps
Grippin' wha-huh?
thats really tragic
What's Grippin Beast Wargames?