IT is huMILiAtIng HavinG To coNsTANtLy aPoLOGizE for bEhAvIOr yoU Know THAT aT YoUr gRoWN age, yOU //SHoulD// Be AblE TO COnTROl, AnD cAn'T. WoRse iS BEInG AWARe Of It as iT's HAPpeNInG. WORSE StILL To sEe iT From otHeR's pErspECtiVES IN ReAl TiME. I tHinK SometiMes iT WAs EAsier When I was ALoNE.
I Know It Feels Terrible, Seeing That Others Handle Certain Situations Better, But They Are Not Us And Comparison Is An Act Of Self Sabotage. Also As Much As Being Alone May Have Been / Easier / Isn't It Better Now To Have Trolls Who Love You? Just Some Thoughts From A Troll Who Can Relate. #sympathetic
UnFoRTunATely, my dEaR, I AM lesS COmParIng MYSeLF To othERS sO MUch as i AM cOmPaRIng MYSElf To. mySElf, befoRE. thIS IS SOMETHINg tHat I NOT onlY USED TO be cApable Of, bUt sOMeTHInG I OnCe eXCELleD AT. If you wERe TO seE The Man I was beFOrE this, yoU WoulDn't rEcogNize uS as ThE sAME MaN. WHiCh is TrAgiCaLLy nO One'S Fault BUt MiNe. As For BeiNG ALoNE, I wOULd fAR RATHer FACe The Soul CrUshiNG silENcE AGain thaN COnTinUe IndiRECTlY hArMing thOsE IN My hiVE. uNfOrtuNatELy, or PErHaPs foRTUnAtEly dEPENdInG on Your pERSpecTivE, I haVe a mAtEsPrIt and A MOIraiL whO LOve me DeaRlY aND woUld Not allOW mE tO SUbjeCt MyselF tO suCh THings AgAin. i Do apPREcIate Your ConcErN. IT is Just dIFficuLT SOMetimeS To FACe All THe wAYs In whICh I'VE iRreVocAbly aLtereD my HeaLth aND tHE coURSE of mY life.
Change Of The Self Is The Most Difficult Part Of Living, But You Will Realize That Comparing Yourself To Who You Were In The Past Is Akin To Comparing Yourself To A Different Troll Entirely. You Are Not That Version Of Yourself Anymore And It Is Okay. We Have Spoken To Each Other Only A Precious Few Times Before But I Can Say I've Noticed How Intelligent And Funny You Are, The Trolls Around You Are Lucky To Have The Current Version Of You Despite Any Behavioral Hiccups- Regardless Of Scale Or Intensity. I Am Sure They Would Still Tell You They Are Right Where They Want To Be, With You. All This To Say That The You In The Past Is No Longer You, The You In The Present Is. You'd Do Well To Be More Kind To Him, Hm? Everyone Deserves A Little Grace, Even You As You Are Now. #gentle #sympathetic
BUT I aM NOt A dIFFEreNT tRoLl entirely, thIs Is PaRt Of THE prOBLem. If i aM a DifFerEnt TrOLL, THAN I haVe No RiGhT to Get upsET wheN oThers treAT ME aS if i Am no lonGER CAPAble. BuT iF i STILl Am tHAt Troll, tHeN I hAVe TO DeSPaiR thaT WHICh MAkEs me LESs Than NOw. DO yOU undeRstaND?
Don't You? Your Autonomy Is Not A Privelege Given To You By Virtue Of What You May Have Accomplished In The Past. Others' Refusal To Acknowledge Your Autonomy Isn't A Reflection Of A Lack Of Capability Now, In Fact. you Are Not Less Because You Are Not The Same, As Much As I Do Understand.
I FEAR it'S alL ConNectED, reaLlY. BECausE thERe arE TimES I bEhavE AS a wRiGgLeR might, it's as IF I AM Not EVer CAPabLe of BEinG A RatIOnaL adUlT Who CAN mAKE hiS OWN DecIsIoNs. It iS Not eVErYoNE, AT LEAst. mY QuAdRANtS dO NOT HAVe This IsSUe, tHoUGh i sUSPECT it hELpS THaT MY MATEsPrIt HaS OnLy KNown me as I aM nOW. I am SoRRY ThoUgH. tHaT yoU CAN reLATE. IT's DiFFIculT TReaTmeNt tO SwALLOw