Citizens of Earth-C. Rumors of my demise have apparently become greatly exaggerated. I regret to inform some of you that I am, in fact, alive. Entirely alive. Comfortable, hydrated, spiritually refreshed, and currently enjoying a very pleasant evening in the company of my close personal friend, @scratchDoctor. Now, I know there has been a great deal of speculation regarding my whereabouts. Some have claimed I was kidnapped. Others claimed I had been imprisoned within a cue ball. One particularly creative individual insisted I had been dissolved into “narrative slurry.” Folks, none of these things are true. The truth is far less dramatic. I have simply been spending time with a tall white gentleman with an impeccable sense of interior decorating and an alarming knowledge of multiversal sociology. We have been talking. Sharing tea. Discussing civic responsibility, cross-session diplomacy, and, on occasion, smooth jazz. Frankly, it has been lovely. I would also like to state, clearly and without ambiguity, that @scratchDoctor has treated me with nothing but hospitality, respect, and intellectual generosity. The man makes a strong cup of tea. Possibly too strong. I saw time for a few minutes. But that is hardly a crime. To those worried for my safety: please rest easy. Nobody is holding me against my will. If anything, I have overstayed my welcome and consumed an irresponsible quantity of imported biscuits. Thank you all for your concern. Now if you will excuse me, Scratch is about to absolutely destroy me in billiards for the sixth consecutive time, and I intend to lose with dignity.
(•́⍜•̀)🎪 HEY. WE'RE FIGHTING TOMORROW. I'M GONNA BE THE MUTHAHAFUCKING PRESIDENT.
Incorrect. I will be unavailable tomorrow. We shall reschedule for another time.
(•́⍜•̀)🎪 OK. GUESS I'M JUST THE PRESIDENT NOW. :o( I'VE NEVER BEEN PRESIDENT BEFORE. SHIT. FUCK.
/\ How reassuring /\ /\ What were people even worried about /\