Crowbar
@crowbarFelt
Just'a man on a mission.
...I have come to make an announcement. Pinkie Pie and I are... best friends. Forever.
WHADDYA MEAN? WE'VE ALWAYS BEEN PALS, PINKIE PIE AND I. WE GO WAY BACK I GUESS. CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T REMEMBER IT UNTIL JUST NOW...
It happens to the best of us, but now you remember and that's what's important!
ARE YA FUCKIN' KIDDIN' ME?! THIS IS JUST SOME FREAK SHIT GOIN' ON SHE'S REWRITIN' REALITY!
Grinding my teeth as I appreciate my good... and wonderful friend... Pinkie Pie...
...alright, that is kinda cute. I'll stick it on the fridge or somethin'.
Listen. I like a good horse from time ta' time. I been to da horse races, I make my bets here and there. But I gotta voice the thought everyone else's got that's bothered me about the things runnin' around on da dash. That ain't horses. I've seen what a horse looks like. I've /seen/ what a pony looks like. That ain't it. They're all some weird, ferret lookin' freak of natures that look more cat anatomically than horse. So, what gives? What's da racket here?
neih
You- kid, that ain't even a roast. You just said objective facts and called it a day.
This takes me back to when we first met! You said a lot of that verbatim back then, too! https://i.imgur.com/xNyORPZ.png
WHAT?! THIS AIN'T REAL! THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN, YOU WEREN'T THERE!
You don't remember? We've been through so much together! https://i.imgur.com/B7RjpTw.png
She's like a goddamn SCP or something
YOU WERE NOT THERE FOR THIS!
Hi Lornie! Wow your icon brings back so many good memories. We had so much fun that day! https://i.imgur.com/SWkBdoS.png
I...omfg
I hate politics, I hate weird abstract gig economy bullshit, I hate readin' about this fuckin' Stock Market. I'm tangible, I'm physical, I'm /here/. I'm a guy with a fuckin' crowbar and I either do da job da normal way or I get the tommy gun and start takin' it through crime. If it ain't cold hard cash in my hand or cold hard cash in da bank, it just ain't real to me.
Aight. First plan fell apart. Kickin' in to the second plan. @blackestQuasar Ya gotta let me in on being a part of your Mayoral Race and joinin' yer cabinet if ya win.
I don't especially appreciate being publicly noted as second fiddle, Seven.
Ain't fond of it either. But I'm under da boss's orders a long while back to get a lotta investment in foreign currency (long story) and since Trollbama's not an option, the next choice is you and Midnight City. I ain't fond'a politics, but da boss gets what da boss wants. It's why he even gave me that golden badge n' all. Shit, I think I'm overdue on da command and everythin'...
CAN I BE MAYOR TWO THE SECOND MAYOR?
No. Only one mayor. This is Snowman's thin', she's runnin', she calls da shots as mayor. I'm only makin' a professional amendment to satisfy our boss's demands.
I would recommend investing in Midnight City infrastructure bonds, then. Returns in spondulicks, and they support the public good. As for a governmental position... Well, I would need to win the race first. And cronyism is such a social faux pas.
thii2 guy need2 poliitiical power liike riight now, get on iit. Bii2cuiit2 for prez.
Bonds? Hm... I ain't all there wit' how da market works, but... hm... I guess I better get readin'.
Random people keep fuckin' followin' me. Whattaya want? I'm workin' here.
Alright kid. Comin' over wit' da crowbar. Dat's Crowbar fer ya. I'm openin' up the damn box.
૮₍⑅´꒳`₎ა hooray! also⁀binkii⁀is⁀60⁀sweeps⁀old, she⁀is⁀hardly⁀a⁀kid. it⁀is⁀so⁀sweet⁀of⁀you⁀to⁀help! also⁀binkii⁀is⁀pretty⁀sure⁀it⁀is⁀a⁀large⁀clock. it⁀is⁀ticking!
That's what i'm sayin'! Just mindin' ya business and suddenly there's just a guy followin you! Fuck's up with that!
It's fucked up, that's what.
Everyone's a kid here when yer new. Enjoy it. Means yer young again.
૮₍⑅´꒳`₎ა binkii⁀likes⁀you. you⁀are⁀smart. binkii⁀notes⁀this⁀is⁀requiring⁀inside⁀deli(V)ery. is⁀this⁀allowed? in⁀the⁀past⁀she⁀has⁀had⁀troubles⁀deli(V)ering⁀here.
Yeah, yeah, bring it in. Have a cup a' cawfee on me, kid.
૮₍⑅´꒳`₎ა yahoo! thank⁀you. what⁀a⁀gentleman.
Ain't nothin' to it, kid. In da Felt, ya do good work, ya get yer due. Simple as dat.
I've drawn my line in the sand.
...don't really get the Illumineati one but yeah. Line drawn in the sand.
When the Felt first coalesced into the Gang it is today, one of the things I prided myself on was family, if you could believe it. Everybody's got their differences, it's true, but if you were Felt? Someone had yer back. All this infighting's got me a bad ways... I've been too busy lookin' inward and bein' too menial. It's time we get shit movin' again.
Ah, shit. I think the Boss is gonna fight another Boss, and I dunno where I'm slidin' into this. On the one hand, I'm loyal to th' Boss, but on the otha hand, I'm also loyal to th' Boss. This is just a mess of saltine crackers everywhere.
꒰if you have both of these bosses do you get twice the paycheck now . think about your options here .......꒱
Hah! Nah, even in all of their squabblin', their numbers are iron clad.
I really don't understand any of these weird contests goin' on. Are you all doin' this in vivo? Or is this some sorta, like, simulation kinda deal? Like Risk(tm) or somethin'?
I need an audience with a Mister Barack Trollbama. @barackObama
Look, I ain't yer stoogey for whatever campaign ya got goin' on. I got actual business. Beat it or ya lose my vote.
Oh hey what’s up man.
I wanna join your cabinet as a Represenative of Foreign Affairs. My credentials: I'm foreign, I live on a foreign planet, I'm surrounded with and deal with foreign stuff, and I got good knowledge on foreign things. Dat sound good?
he's actually shit at what he does. that's why he and his people always end up dead.
Choosin' to ignore that and keep a professional face fer the President.
Ain't all replies a self narration in the major scheme a' things? Aren't you gonna narrate yourself bein' pissed about thinkin' about this 15 minutes from now?
Alright, fine, fuck it, here's my confession: I'm bi, alright? I'm fuckin' bi. I fucked off and stayed on the down low about it for a good while thinkin' about it, and it's been eatin' me alive, and fuck it! I like men, too! I like dames more but there's somethin' about da nature of boyish jubilance that, I dunno, it kinda makes me happy too. Fuck. Whatever. Don't fuckin' talk to me about this. ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE IN THE GANG.
CON YER EMOTES SOMEWHERE ELSE.
Make like a book and CLOSE IT UP ALREADY.
....y'know, in my original timeline, you did this exact same confession, except you were tellin' us you're also into women. funny how things change and stay exactly the same across time 'n space.
Slick, I'm bi, not gay. Gay's only if you like da same gender. That's what everyone's been tellin' me.
i know what it means. i said it cause you kept making it sound like being into men was odd for you when everyone around you is into men.
That's not... well, I mean- look, it ain't all of 'em, I...
Always hated Troll McDonalds. I don't make it a habit to visit Alternia for the same reason normal people don't go into tight cave systems; it's a fuckin' death sentence. But Troll McDonalds is a special hell, where the establishment smells like deep fried roach and soiled diapers, the patrons are loud, chittering (heyo!) and obnoxious, and worst of all, the meat ain't even that good. What my boss wants, he gets, though.
Ah, hell. The Big Boss is back in town. Good ta' know I was right in ironin' my suits ahead of time for his welcome.
AND THEY ARE LOOKING INCREDIBLY MOTHERFUCKING SHARP, MIGHT I ADD.
Just doin' my best, boss. Your room should be untouched and fuckin' immaculate. Uh, we got dinner ready too, if yer feelin' hungry, and it's Saturday, so they got the good sci-fi reruns goin' until late at night.
THIS IS WHY I FUCK WITH LEPRECHAUNS. MY MOTHERFUCKING BOYS RIGHT HERE. MY MEN. IF WE AREN'T HAVING RARE STEAKS SAUTEED IN QUANTUM ENTANGLED NONLOCALITY AND PAIRED WITH HIGHBALLS THEN I DON'T WANT IT.
I'M NOT THINKIN' ABOUT ANYONE'S DAMN ASSHOLE.
REAL WEIRD THING TO PUT ON MY TL SEVENS
Should of know you would throw a pass at slick
YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SAYIN' DAT? I AIN'T GAY. I THINK. Still thinkin' about that- I /ONLY/ LIKE DAMES. FOR NOW. RIGHT NOW IT'S DAME FUCKIN' CITY.
;)
I keep collectin' Diamonds Droogs like friggin' playin' cards. I don't mind the attention, but fellas, at least say somethin'.
Not a clue.
🖕🖕 Two of 'em, call them Deuces.
good. now you got a good pair to shove up your ass. have fun.
...why'd you even think of me shovin' em up my ass, Slick? Somethin' on the mind? Or do ya need two of 'em to envision one wit' dat lack a depth of yours, matey?
why are you thinking about the depth of my asshole.
Why are you thinkin' 'bout MY asshole, asshole?
it was a fuckingcommin expression. "shove it up your ass". and you had to go and make it fucking weird. what the hell is wrong with you.
𝘊𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘣𝘢𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 - 𝘙𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘰𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥 : 𝘚𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘳𝘦 [00:04 ~ 3:19] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLiDemXYSLc
Felt announcement. #feltannouncement Da boss has mandated the mobilization of da Felt in order ta' take down da paparazzi. If you see any irresponsible photographers takin' pics of mildly to incredibly famous folks without their consent, you are authorized and compelled to wack 'em out cold and send 'em straight to meet up wit' da fishes. We'll be doing quarterly quota checks to make sure this menace is eliminated. That's all for now.
>>>(What) do (They) have to hide outside of three hundred and sixty degrees of unflattering angles?.. >>>(Much) to consider...
Don't care. Orders from the boss. What he says, goes.
I can't believe The Felt are muscling in on my 'Paparazzi Punching' services now. Can't have shit in Midnight City.
Hey, wasn't my idea. But if the boss wills it, the boss gets it. Only way outta dis one is if you unteach him the idea of what a paparazzi is. (I had to break it down for him carefully 15 minutes ago.)
Well on one-hand that's less spondulicks goin' around. On the other more paparazzi punched. Guess you gotta take the good with the bad.
Join Boatclub! I am -Empress of Boat Club and Vriska is Vice -Empress of Boat Club and -Equius is t)(e S)(ipwrig)(t! @arac)(nidsGripes @centaursPerip)(erals #BoatClub!!!!!!! #boatglub
D-->I was unaware that, of all things, I would be assigned as a shipwright I will take to this duty with great fervour as my sense of direction is almost as STRONG as my muscles are, at least when it comes to navigating my hive.
Of course!!!!
#boatclub My favorite's the Devil's Reach. Ain't enough to talk about it, though... it's gotta be expressed in song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkXnLatevJU
YESSSSSSSS, MORE MEM8ERS! ::::D
I'll listen w)(en I'm on land. 38)
Actively repressin' the thought of a dame version of my crew. Actively repressin' the thought of me as a dame. Just gotta stay focused. Stay focused, Crowbar. Stay focused...
I thought only one of you was an egg.
No, his name is Eggs. Wait, what do you mean by that?
Nothing, nothing at all.
>>>(Psionic) psyop attack >>>(Very) common >>>(Double) (Your) hats and stay away from windows
O-okay. Alright...
What the fuck are you even sayin'.
We got filters involved now?!
I mean, the groundwater's fine, I don't see why I gotta filter anythin- I'm done wit' dis nonsense...