ALRIGHT. JUNE FINALLY GOT ME TO WATCH COYOTE VS. ACME ON ONE OF OUR THREE-WAY DATES. SO BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER: SPOILER WARNING. #SPOILERS #RANT #REVIEW IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THIS MOVIE YET, GO FUCKING WATCH IT FIRST. I WENT INTO THIS EXPECTING A COMEDY WHERE WILE E. COYOTE WAS GOING TO BE THE PUNCHLINE FOR TWO HOURS. AND, YEAH, THAT’S THERE. BUT IT’S NOT REALLY WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT. WILE E. COYOTE MIGHT BE ONE OF THE MOST BRILLIANT CHARACTERS IN CARTOON HISTORY. HE’S AN INVENTOR, AN ENGINEER, A PLANNER, AND A FUCKING DETERMINED ASSHOLE WHO REFUSES TO ACCEPT THAT FAILURE IS THE END OF HIS STORY. THE MOVIE ACTUALLY TAKES THAT SERIOUSLY. IT ALSO MAKES IT VERY CLEAR THAT HE’S NOT PERFECT. HE’S OBSESSED WITH EATING THE ROAD RUNNER. HE’LL PUT HIMSELF IN DANGER OVER AND OVER AGAIN FOR THE SAKE OF THAT OBSESSION. HE HAS TO DEAL WITH THE PEOPLE LOOKING DOWN ON HIM BECAUSE HE’S DIFFERENT, SPECISIM, AND BEING TREATED LIKE HE’S LESSER BECAUSE HE’S POOR AND LIVING IN A FUCKING CAVE. SEE, THAT’S WHERE THE CHARACTER GOT A LOT MORE INTERESTING TO ME. HIS FAILURES AREN’T JUST FAILURES. HE’S CONSTANTLY LEARNING FROM THEM, EVEN IF HE DOESN’T REALIZE IT. HE BUILDS, TESTS, FUCKS UP, FIGURES OUT WHAT WENT WRONG, AND TRIES AGAIN. BUT UNDER HIS NOSE AND BECAUSE HE HAS ALSO GOTTEN COMPLICIT, HE IS BEING USED BY THE BIG CORPORATION. HE’S A TEST SUBJECT FROM AFAR. AND THEN THERE’S THE ROAD RUNNER. HE DOESN’T HAVE A HUGE AMOUNT OF SCREEN TIME, BUT THE LITTLE HE DOES MATTER. THERE ARE MULTIPLE MOMENTS IN THE BEGINNING WHERE HE CHECKS ON WILE E. AFTER HE GETS HURT TRYING TO CATCH HIM. LATER, WHEN OTHER CHARACTERS TRY TO KEEP HIM FROM GETTING TO WILE E., HE’S CLEARLY NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT. THE MOVIE DOESN’T NEED TO STOP AND EXPLAIN WORD FOR FUCKING WORD THEIR ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP. YOU CAN JUST WATCH THEM. THERE’S A KIND OF RESPECT THERE. THEN WE GET KEVIN. AND I THINK THIS IS WHERE THE MOVIE’S ACTUAL ARGUMENT BECOMES OBVIOUS. KEVIN IS SOMEONE WHO HAS FAILED ENOUGH TIMES THAT HE’S STOPPED TRYING TO BECOME SOMETHING MORE. HE’S MADE HIMSELF COMFORTABLE WITH LESS BECAUSE TRYING AGAIN HURTS. HE’S ALSO THE OUTSIDE VIEW OF WHAT EVERYONE ELSE HAS STARTED ACCEPTING. IT’S THAT WHOLE ATTITUDE OF: “WHAT THE FUCK IS ONE PERSON SUPPOSED TO DO?” “IT’S JUST HOW THINGS WORK.” “THE COMPANY IS TOO BIG TO FIGHT.” “MY ONE VOICE WON’T CHANGE ANYTHING.” AND LET ME JUST SAY, I’VE SEEN THAT ATTITUDE ENOUGH TIMES THAT I DON’T EXACTLY HAVE TROUBLE UNDERSTANDING IT. THIS IS WHERE THE “ACME CORPORATION” PART OF MY RANT STARTS. THIS ISN’T JUST A MOVIE ABOUT “CORPORATION BAD.” IT’S ABOUT HOW EASY IT IS FOR EVERYONE TO BECOME COMFORTABLE WITH SOMETHING BEING WRONG BECAUSE CHANGING IT FEELS IMPOSSIBLE. PEOPLE KEEP BUYING THE PRODUCT. THE COMPANY KEEPS MAKING MONEY. EVERYONE KNOWS SOMETHING IS FUCKED. AND EVENTUALLY PEOPLE JUST SHRUG. THIS MOVIE DOESN’T LET YOU SHRUG. IT KEEPS ASKING WHERE THE LINE IS. WHEN DOES PERSEVERANCE BECOME OBSESSION? WHEN DOES BEING REALISTIC BECOME COWARDICE? AND WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN YOU’VE ALREADY FAILED? THE ANSWER MIGHT SHOCK YOU. NOTHING, AND I MEAN, NOTHING CAN OR WILL BE MAGICALLY OR “MIRACULOUSLY“ (FOR THE CLOWNS) CHANGED. THAT WOULD BE FUCKING STUPID. SOMETIMES YOU CAN DO EVERYTHING RIGHT AND STILL GET KNOCKED FLAT. SOMETIMES YOU FUCK UP. SOMETIMES YOU’RE PART OF THE REASON YOU’RE STUCK WHERE YOU ARE. NONE OF THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TO STAY THERE. AND, GOG, I UNDERSTAND THAT ONE. I’VE FAILED AS A LEADER. I’VE FAILED AS A MOIRAIL. I’VE LET PEOPLE PUSH ME AROUND. I’VE BEEN TOLD MORE THAN ONCE THAT I SHOULDN’T EVEN EXIST. I’VE FUCKED UP. A LOT. BUT FAILURE DOESN’T GET TO DECIDE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. YOU CAN ADMIT YOU WERE WRONG WITHOUT DECIDING YOU’RE WORTHLESS. YOU CAN TAKE RESPONSIBILITY WITHOUT SPENDING THE REST OF YOUR LIFE PUNISHING YOURSELF. AND YOU CAN GET BACK UP EVEN IF YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT YOU’RE DOING YET. THAT’S WHAT I THINK THIS MOVIE HID UNDER ALL THE ACME EXPLOSIONS AND CARTOON BULLSHIT. IT’S A STORY ABOUT PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN CONVINCED THAT THEY’RE POWERLESS. AND ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THEY FINALLY DECIDE THEY’RE NOT GOING TO ACCEPT THAT ANYMORE. HONESTLY I DIDN’T EXPECT TO WALK AWAY FROM THE MOVIE ACTUALLY THINKING ABOUT IT. THAT’S PROBABLY THE BEST COMPLIMENT I CAN GIVE A MOVIE. IF THE CREDITS ROLL AND I’M STILL SITTING THERE THINKING ABOUT WHAT THE FUCK I JUST WATCHED, THEN IT DID SOMETHING RIGHT. SO, YEAH. I FUCKING LOVED IT. MORE THAN I EXPECTED TO. AND IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED IT YET, GO WATCH THE DAMN MOVIE. THEN COME BACK AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK. BECAUSE I HAVE A FEELING THIS ONE IS GOING TO STICK IN MY THINK PAN FOR A WHILE. @CREATICGOETICIST I KNOW THIS ISN’T A REVIEW OVER A BOOK BUT I WANTED THOUGHTS AND KNEW YOU WOULD PROBABLY READ THIS.
OKAY, ADMITTEDLY, WHEN I READ THE HOOK FOR THIS REVIEW, I ACTUALLY AUDIBLY LAUGHED. I MEAN, WHO SERIOUSLY WRITES A REVIEW FOR A FUCKING CARTOON OF THIS CALIBER? BUT YOU KNOW WHAT. YOU CONVINCED ME. YOU’RE AWFULLY PERSUASIVE. I PARTICULARLY RESONATE WITH THE TAKE IN WHICH YOU SAY, “IT’S ABOUT HOW EASY IT IS FOR EVERYONE TO BECOME COMFORTABLE WITH SOMETHING BEING WRONG BECAUSE CHANGING IT FEELS IMPOSSIBLE”. WHAT A SENTENCE. I MEAN, THIS IS WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT IN MY ODYSSEY REVIEW, TOO. GREAT (AND ALTERNATE) MINDS THINK ALIKE. GOOD ONE, KARKAT. SERIOUSLY. YOU SHOULD DO MORE. AND IM NOT BEING AN ORNERY SHITHEAD ABOUT THAT, IM BEING GENUINE.
NORMALLY I WOULDN’T DARE WRITE A FUCKING REVIEW ABOUT SOMETHING THAT’S BASICALLY A STUPID CARTOON. BUT THE FACT THAT THIS MOVIE IS SUCH A WEIRD BLEND OF CARTOON COMEDY AND ACTUALLY DIFFICULT SUBJECT MATTER FELT KIND OF RIGHT TO ME. LIKE, IT’S TAKING THESE HARD TOPICS AND PRESENTING THEM IN A WAY THAT EVEN A WRIGGLER COULD LOOK AT AND UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK IT’S TRYING TO SAY. AND I THINK THAT’S PART OF WHAT MADE IT SO INTERESTING TO ME. IT DOESN’T NEED TO BE SOME DEPRESSING, OVERLY COMPLICATED STORY TO MAKE YOU THINK. IT CAN BE A FUCKING CARTOON ABOUT A COYOTE GETTING HIT WITH ANVILS AND STILL TURN AROUND AND ASK YOU SOME PRETTY UNCOMFORTABLE QUESTIONS. I THINK THAT’S WORTH TALKING ABOUT. AND, UH. …THANKS. GENUINELY. I’M GLAD IT ACTUALLY RESONATED WITH SOMEONE INSTEAD OF JUST MAKING ME LOOK LIKE I SPENT SEVERAL HOURS OVERANALYZING A CARTOON FOR NO FUCKING REASON.