@glitteringAcuity — #law
CROSS EXAMINATION! why is it so easy to qualify for hearsay exception 803(21). i mean seriously. "this guy said the defendant was cool & likeable so let's just get that right on the record, yup that's admissible as hell, by the time you're crossing on it the jury will have already internalized it as fact" is a statement cooked up by DERANGED people (& me, but i usually have a more clever workaround for *MY* hearsay exceptions) #law
RESPONSE ON THOSE GROUNDS! actually my witness *DOES* fulfill 702(b) & 702(c) haha they were totally just, uh, kidding about that learned it in a dream stuff. We went over this in witness coaching to say literally anything else Your Highblood i'm being so serious #law
READING ONTO THE RECORD! if you're 10-15, & your main circle isn't discussing: hearsay (rule 801(c)), expert witness qualifications (rule 702(a-d)), relevant evidence (rule 401) & witness impeachment, then it's time to find a new circle. your NETWORK is your NET WORTH #businesstip #law
CROSS EXAMINATION! do you want to hire a legislacerator who's half-assing it? who isn't deeply passionate about citing the imperial rules of evidence? READING ONTO THE RECORD! the answer is no. hire a legislacerator who writes fucking poetry (which is very good, to be clear) about legislaceration. hire Hallowen & Co. tonight, for all your legal needs #law
READING ONTO THE RECORD! establishing foundation for all the prongs of 702 is boring & i don't like doing it. can't we just let the record reflect that my witness is wearing a lab coat & then infer them to be qualified to deliver expert testimony? #law
RESPONSE ON THOSE GROUNDS! your highblood im sure i dont need to remind you that the st&ard for *SUBSTANTIALLY* more prejudicial than probative is incredibly high & the bar for relevance is extremely low. the inherent probative value of zooming in for the jury on the defendant's written statement to laugh at their terrible h&writing is... uh... well, it's probably admissible character evidence, don't you think? #law
OBJECTION! your highblood while the witness' statement does fall under a hearsay exception, it's still considered hearsay within hearsay & under Imperial Rule of Evidence 805 *all* elements of hearsay within hearsah must fall under exceptions to be considered admissible- (omg i love hearsay within hearsay this is kind of the definitively best objection to argue it's just kind of fun) #law
OBJECTION! your highblood this exhibit is not admissible under rule 404(a)(1). its not hearsay because my defendant said it & its not more prejudicial than probative - or at least not substantially - but a screenshot of my client chitting he loves to cull highbloods does count as a character trait & is therefore inadmissible as "evidence" he acted under that character trait #law
RESPONSE ON THOSE GROUNDS! actually your highblood this exhibit is HIGHLY relevant. the jury cannot be asked to make an informed decision on the verdict without first being asked to consider "would that be fucked up or what" #law
DIRECT EXAMINATION! how many hearsay exceptions can YOU find in the following statement made by my witness? answers will be posted tomorrow! FWD: TESTIMONY! "...Th@t's when the defend@nt's employee told me: Doctor, ! Th!nk !'m Dy!ng." #law
RESPONSE ON THOSE GROUNDS! your highblood do you want me to list the hearsay exceptions my witness' statement falls under alphabetically or by exception number? #law
PROFFER! your highblood my witness was just getting to the good part actually if opposing counsel can shut the fuck up for like a single second & let me LAY SOME FUCKING FOUNDATION #law
RESPONSE ON THOSE GROUNDS! your highblood my witness' testimony actually falls under hearsay exception 804(b)(3)(a) because it makes them sound like a total fucking loser & im frankly a little embarrassed to have called them to the st& but their testimony is still completely admissible & useful so we might as well keep going ᴹ:/ #law
CLOSING STATEMENT! no your highblood im not done yet. i absolutely finished padding out my closing arguments during trial haha furthermore. members, of the jury. when you go to the jury deliberation chamber of doom... i want you to keep in mind three things. one, that the prosecution carries the burden in today's case. two, that they are operating under the highest burden in our legal system. three insider trading is not that big of a deal like do you actually care about that like even if they managed to prove every element beyond a reasonable doubt do you think that's worth voting guilty over? h...Read more
READING ONTO THE RECORD! finding the defendant(s) liable when you vote in the jury deliberation chamber is quick, it's easy, & it's free. 12 out of 12 jurors recommend finding the defendant(s) liable in today's case (the only just verdict, etc etc etc) #law
SIDEBAR OUTSIDE EARSHOT OF THE JURY! i do kind of hate navigating character evidence objections from any direction. but like im not going to object on hearsay grounds to shit my client said no matter how much i prefer arguing that because any moron could tell you that statements made by a party opponent (i.e. the plaintiff, when exhibits are being entered by the defense counsel) are admissible under 801(d)(2) #law
POINT OF ORDER! your highblood before i proceed with cross examination can i just ask do you mind if i suibait the witness a little because this jurisdiction doesn't have any official policy regarding... yes your highblood i know i should have asked during pre-trial i just didn't think it would come up. i can? okay, great, thanks your highblood #law
SIDEBAR OUTSIDE EARSHOT OF THE JURY! good gog i hate going against this firm. every single opening statement they've ever given has basically been the exact same. watch i can quote along with this guy: "pl?as?, y¢ur highbl¢¢d, spar? a m¢m?nt's th¢ughts f¢r th? victim's family..." next he's going to start talking about the decedent's lusus coming home to an empty hive. holy shit he's actually tearing up lmfao this is kind of sick. oh yup & there he goes #law
PRE-TRIAL MATTERS! yes your highblood both parties in today's proceedings have seen & signed this character evidence form - give us another second so my co-counsel can finish writing over the document's terms to be more favorable to us - just another moment - okay. permission to approach & tender? #law
POINT OF ORDER! your highblood i have it in good faith belief that opposing counsel should shut the fuck up if they know what's good for them #law
OBJECTION! as to substantially more prejudicial than probative. your highblood if i may be heard? opposing counsel's current line of questioning about """"safety measures"""" really has no probative value whatsoever and is trying to elicit testimony from their witness SOLELY to inflame the passions of the jury, #law
READING ONTO THE RECORD! as we all know the four aspects of negligence are duty, breach, causation, and damages. which is easy to remember because of the mnemonic "don't be a cunt, daniel". and i just want it to be known, to be stated for the record, that most breaches of duty are actually like fine and the jury doesn't need to care and a lot of the time damages are boring. and really i also think causation is hard to prove because there are an infinite amount of other timelines so who is to say why anything happens. so anyways as someone currently defending a country club against a negligence charge and ...Read more
POINT OF ORDER! listen so maybe the - violetblood, so this is actually going to trial - decedent's death was objectively pretty terrible and maybe my clients did not put a lot of effort into preventing it. but also have you considered that he was kind of stupid and probably drinking on the job? what did skylar "the decedent" sincar ever do for you anyway huh #law
REBUTTAL! members of the jury i know opposing counsel just got up here & said some meaningless bullshit to you about "preponderance" & "evidence" & "justice" but listen. it's okay. you don't have to take any of that shit into account. when you get into the jury deliberation chamber & the only thing from trial that really made an impression on you is that the defendant has bad vibes... that's enough. you are enough. you can vote liable. it's okay. you can do this. #inspiring #law
RE: OBJECTION TO HEARSAY! your highblood this statement falls under "dying declaration" and therefore is an exception to hearsay under 804(b)(2) and admissible in courtblock today despite being an out of court statement being offered for the truth if the matter. yes your highblood i understand that the individual being quoted here is still alive however i was going to pay someone a lot of money to track them down and cull them during recess so it should still count. er my condolences to the defendant i suppose cross examination can't be a fun time to find out your matesprit is going to die #law
OBJECTION! as to speculation. if i may be heard? your highblood seeing as the defendant is a little bitch their testimony just now about not being scared inherently requires them to delve into the mindset of others; i.e. someone who is not a little bitch. motion to strike offending testimony from the record? #law
READING ONTO THE RECORD! no my witness can not fulfill the prongs of 702 yes i still want them to offer expert testimony. we exist #law
POINT OF ORDER! ive always found it very amusing when we have limiting instructions for the jury. as ive never been a juror i have no idea what the exhibits look like when they get to them but there's something deeply amusing about picturing a printed-out screenshot of a trollian conversation & about half the messages have "DON'T USE THIS ST@TEMENT FOR THE TRUTH OF THE M@TTER @SSERTED" or something along those lines. have i ever mentioned how much i love hearsay exceptions #law
PRE-TRIAL MEDIATION! tonight i am putting together a lawsuit against His Honorable Tyranny, my district's head judge. ideally this case will be overseen by like a different judge but i can make it happen regardless. the charge is for workplace mistreatment because courtblock recess is always too short (to play #tmtg. so uh i guess if any other legislacerators, any bailiffs, any justiceradicators, sterrornographers, etc other court employees would like to contribute testimony or be called as witnesses please reply to this post or send me a DM #law
FWD: "YOUR HIGHBLOOD I DON'T KNOW WHAT OBJECTION TO MAKE ABOUT THIS BUT CAN FILIGREE PLEASE STOP THROWING ROCKS AT STARS WITNESS WHILE I AM CROSS EXAMINING HIM"! okay first of all bitch you mean point of order regarding decorum second of all thank you for using my neopronouns most people dont & THIRD of all shut the fuck up but fourth of all yes your highblood im done throwing rocks my client got the point by now we're good dont call the bailiff on me ive killed too many bailiffs already #law #relatable
POINT OF ORDER! new drinking game take a shot every time you hear "hearsay is an out of court statement being used for the truth of the matter asserted" #law
CROSS EXAMINATION! opposing party witness is it true you're dogshit at super smashing brothers. (yes your highblood i'm going somewhere with this i promise) opposing party witness you'd agree with me if i said you're kind of a loser? (your highblood i promi- #law
POINT OF ORDER! yes your highblood i am the legislacerator that filed to sue a grub but i'm not seeing how that's relevant to *today's* trial. why do you ask #law #justiceforcrotalsass
SIDEBAR! your highblood can opposing counsel please clarify if they ever actually passed the fucking bar because i doubt it #law
OBJECTION! your highblood opposing counsel failed to properly establish the prongs of 702, they have laid no alternate foundation as to their witness' expertise, therefore their witness is not qualified to say jack shit about my client's hat and whether or not it is actually ugly as hell and i want that OFF the record #law
READING ONTO THE RECORD! just because you did it doesn't mean you're guilty! consult with Hallowen & Co. law offices today #law #ad
READING ONTO THE RECORD! all my haters become negotiators when they face my hostage situation of success #business #law
SIDEBAR! the only downside to being moots with other legislacerators on here is that by the power of networking in a fairly small field there's a very high chance someone will eventually recognize me vagueposting about them because i love chitting when opposing counsel is being stupid. well if they want to sue me over it they're welcome to fucking try #law
READING ONTO THE RECORD! the best feeling in the world is probably when you respond to an objection & you can literally see opposing counsel frantically flip through their copy of the rules of evidence. like haha bitch you thought it was gonna be that easy? you thought i would introduce *hearsay* & not have a fucking plan to get it in? it's literally 803(4) statement made for the purpose of medical diagnosis. do you think i mentioned the fact that he was talking to a doctor, what, for fun? get owned #law
POINT OF ORDER! opposing counsel is a little bitch. no i don't have any issues with the exhibit Your Highblood i just wanted to make sure you're seeing this shit #law