An update: i did end up crawling out the window instead.
Jake, how big was this spider?
Jake, do you need me to come over to take care of the spider, cause this is just kinda sad the more I learn of the situation.
Maybe, don't dodge the question English.
If youre so insistent then i guess i could make some time on my busy schedule to accommodate you.
Oh yeah cause you seem like such a busy guy, what? Got more spiders to avoid and windows to struggle with.
Yes actually i do! And im being a real bangup bro right now by offering you some of my time you douche.
Oh please english, I'm just busting your chops a little, don't get your panties in a twist, I'll be over to deal with the spider in a minute or two.
I assure you my undergarments are properly untwisted! Youd think you might understand sarcasm with how much of it you perpetuate. Ill be awaiting your arrival.