Detective Pony When I Feel Like It

6 days ago

@inspectorEquine[IE]

saw the cat, he whinnied [maliciously]. The cat leaped from Anna’s arms and ran over to Acorn. [God averted His eyes, knowing what was soon to come.] The cat stayed in the paddock with the ponies while the girls went in for dinner. [The moment Anna’s back was turned, Acorn trampled the cat like nobody’s business. Acorn had already killed the cat once, and was ready to do it as many more times as it took. Maybe this cat had nine lives. Maybe nine million. But Acorn was patient. It couldn’t keep coming back forever.] It’s fun to have a cat, thought Anna. [Acorn hopscotched all over that fucker. He was like a steamroller whose drum had just been re-forged into four glorious hooves and who hated cats more than Nikola Tesla hated the voltage leeches that lived in the pond outside his crystal electro-mansion. After nearly a minute of trituration, Acorn looked proudly at the pulverized kitty curdles beneath his hooves. Crushing an enemy had rarely been so satisfying to him. Acorn felt as smug as the aforementioned voltage leeches did on the day in 1928 when they inevitably rose up, killed Tesla, crawled into his skull, and began controlling his body via electric shocks to his dead brain. That’s right, for the last fifteen years of his life, Nikola Tesla was actually just a colony of leeches that piloted his body as if it were a fleshy mecha from a weird Japanese anime. Pigeons and leeches, Jane; when you get right down to it, that’s all we really are. Pigeons and leeches. But anyway, all that stuff was really dumb. Back to Acorn. Before the cat’s blood had even congealed on his forelegs, Acorn saw what he knew he would: a black cat with white paws prancing towards him along the fence of the paddock. “It will take more than that to kill me, Acorn,” hissed the cat in the tongue of the beasts. “Fuck you,” snarled Acorn. “Do you know why I’m here?” the cat asked, while shitting disdainfully. Acorn was silent. “Then allow me to enlighten you.” The inky archfiend jumped onto Acorn’s back and began to whisper his spiraling susurrations into the pony’s ear.] Suddenly, Anna woke up. [She and her cronies were having a sleepover in her barn or the animal hospital or something. That’s what happened in those boring-as-all-fuck paragraphs up there that I pasted over.] #DetectivePony