Jade Harley
@gardenGamma
witch of space, plant mom, whiz in the lab! currently living on earth-c! she/pup! nice to meet you! (Username is just to distinguish myself from the other Jades!)
me and whoooo :c https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/0f999d87c775.jpg
c< true as fucK >c
:33 < m3333e :33 < i take lots of naps
#needdat
love this
somnophilia has been on m7 mind now and then...
anyone liking this please check out this post as well! hehe <3 https://chittr.ing/profile/gardenGamma/68a664aa-c5f6-4d9e-982d-8e50b84da4f4
oh he7 it's the reason wh7 it's been on m7 mind latel7. what a (oin(iden(e!
to the people on here in a relationship, how do you deal with getting territorial ._. whether a matespritship or a kismessitude which i feel is already a very intense kind of romance!!
it is hard for me to hate people :(
i have a moirail i kinda suck at all the other types of relationships i dunno how to talk to people :/
are you pitchflirting with me? because that is kind of pathetic tbh!
What do you mean by "territorial" in this instance?
getting upset and growly when other people spend time with them only in my head of course!
I see. While I'm not like that myself, I think I could imagine Vriska being like that, given her personality.
#nsfw i still fall asleep at random sometimes but it is not all bad! i cant hornypost too much while im snoozing after all!! zzzz..... [A picture of Jade lying in bed on her tummy, wearing Squiddles pajama pants that hug her fat butt VERY tightly. A small post-it note is stuck to the end of her curled-up tail. It reads, in her elegant green handwriting, "i consent! <3", with another heart over the I.]
i get the feeling horniness still happens, though. what a ni(e view
BARKBARKBARKBARKBARK here i come :DDDD
:33 < here mew go, awkwete purrmusk! i made mewr fursona!
oh this shits goin on the minifridge for sure
:33 < yay!!! im glad mew like it!
omgggggg what a cool design!!!! i LOVE your sona dave and your art is so amazing nemean!!!
:33 < pawww!! thank mew jade!! i appurreciate this!
#nsfw i am wondering about the nudes i post is there any way i could appeal more to the girlies? :o
fun facts of the day! an einstein-rosen bridge is what people usually mean when they say “wormhole,” even though the original idea was not really a fun sci-fi doorway you can just hop through with a backpack and a dog. einstein and rosen were looking at the math of general relativity, where gravity is not a force pulling things around like a leash, but the shape of spacetime itself. if spacetime can bend around a massive object, then under certain solutions to einstein’s equations, it can also form something like a tunnel connecting two different regions. imagine spacetime like a big stretchy sheet. a normal path from one point to another is like walking across the sheet: a ------------------------ b but if the sheet folds, those points can get closer: a \ \____ tunnel ____ b that tunnel is the einstein-rosen bridge. the classic version comes from the math of a black hole paired with a kind of mirror-object called a white hole. a black hole is something things can fall into but not escape. a white hole, mathematically, is something things can escape from but not enter. the “bridge” is the connection between them. the problem is: in the original theory, the bridge is not traversable. since it pinches shut too fast, you cant actually travel through it! not even light gets through it! so, if you tried to fly through one, youd get obliterated because the universe is a jerk! thats right. the universe sucks! an einstein-rosen bridge is a theoretical spacetime shortcut, predicted by the equations of general relativity, but the original kind is more like a mathematical “hey, this shape can exist” with no practical application. which is rude, but also very physics. but you know, theres probably some stupid exotic matter or negative energy bs or like, i dont know, green sun empowered individuals that could hold that throat open. but like. how would you find one of those?
i never even thought of that! :/ guess im just kind of used to forgetting alternia isnt just a weird sci-fi setting in the far off realms that has like, no impact on me! its so strange to think about sometimes. hardly, really, makes sense!
it just was never useful i guess like how humanstyle aeronautic aviation was essentially unheard of because psionics were much more useful maybe at some point e-r bridges were discovered but they just never bothered to go further with it and it was lost to trivia
ON A PLATFORM INHABITED ON THE DAILY BY A TURD-FLINGING ZOO OF PARADOX SPACE'S MOST FAMOUSLY SCATPANNED SLACK-MANDIBLED JABBERMONKEYS, WHO SHOULD I EXPECT TO DELIVER A SPARKLING NUGGET OF GENUINE FUCKING LEARNING BUT THE FLOWERY GREEN FUCKNUT WHO SOMEHOW MAKES YOUR TAXONOMICALLY DISGUSTING MAMMAL SPECIES FEEL *ALMOST* TOLERABLE TO ME. THE ORIGINAL GREEN THUMB, HERSELF. AND YES, I SAY "THUMB," NOT PRONGSTUMP, OUT OF A FUCKING CRUMB OF BEGRUDGING RESPECT FOR YOUR SPECIES. A CRUMB THAT NOT EVEN A SQUEAKBEAST WOULD NIBBLE ON. BUT YOU CAN HAVE IT, JADE HARLEY. YOU CAN HAVE THAT CRUMB. I WON'T LIE TO YOU. READING THIS BROUGHT THE CORNERS OF MY LIPS HIGHER TO THE CONTEMPTABLE NEAR-SMILE LINE THAN ANYTHING CHITTED ON THIS HELLSITE IN A LONG TIME. WHICH IS MY WAY OF SAYING THAT I'M NOT SMILING. BECAUSE I'M NOT. BUT YOU GOT ME *PRETTY* FUCKING CLOSE. SO TAKE THAT CRUMB, TOO. THERE. THAT'S TWO. I'M BEING SO FUCKING GENEROUS, RIGHT NOW. AND OF ALL THE REASON TO LIKE READING THIS, IT'S THAT IT REMINDS ME OF FLEET ACADEMY SCHOOLFEEDING. THIS IS GOING TO SOUND STUPID AS FUCK, BUT ONE OF MY STRONGEST SUBJECTS WAS ASTROPHYSICS. WHAT A BUNCH OF FUCKING PRATTLE IT WAS, THE PROPAGANDA ON MY PLANET. IT WOULD HAVE SICKENED YOUR SOFT, WEEPY HUMAN PALATE. OH, *EVERY* ALTERNIAN CITIZEN NEEDS TO LEARN THE BASICS OF INTERPLANETARY TRAVEL, FOR THE DAY THEY SERVE THE FLEET ON A GLORIOUS JOURNEY TO THE EMPIRE'S NEXT EXCITING NEW SYSTEM TO CONQUER AND SUBJUGATE, BLAH, BLAH, YADDA YADDA, KISS THE POSTER OF THE EMPRESS'S SHINY FAT ASS WHEN YOU WALK IN. THAT KIND OF INSUFFERABLE BULLSHIT. BUT YOU HAVE TO ADMIT, SOME PARTS OF PHYSICS ARE PRETTY FUCKING COOL. HEY, @grimbarkGuardian. YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD, THERE. OR AT LEAST GRAZED IT WITH A PATHETIC GLANCING BLOW. FUN FACT ABOUT FTL TRAVEL IN THE ALTERNIAN FLEET. OR AT LEAST, THIS COMES FROM THE SLOP THEY FED US IN THE TEXTSLABS. THERE'S A REASON YOU NEED LEGENDARILY STRONG PSIONICS TO MOVE A SPACESHIP. AND IT'S *NOT* BECAUSE OF THE SIZE OF THE SPACESHIP, EVEN THOUGH THAT DEFINITELY PLAYS A PART. IT'S BECAUSE THE THING YOU'RE ASKING THEM TO MOVE ISN'T THE SHIP. YOU FUCKING GUESSED IT. IT'S SPACETIME. I CAN'T SAY I KNOW ALL THE DETAILS MYSELF, GIVEN THAT I'M NOT A FUCKING PSIONIC, BUT I WAS AROUND ONE LONG ENOUGH TO CONNECT THE DOTS. AND WE WERE PRETTY CLOSE. A PSIONIC HAS TO BE ABLE TO "FEEL" OUT WHATEVER HE'S MOVING OR MANIPULATING. MATTER *IS* ENERGY, BECAUSE MATTER IS MADE OF STABLE FREQUENCIES AND ENERGY CAN THEREFORE AFFECT THOSE FREQUENCIES. THEREFORE, THE STRONGER THEIR PSIONICS, THE DEEPER THEIR FIELD OF CONSCIOUSNESS CAN EXTEND TO OTHER FIELDS OF MATTER. OTHER SUBSTANCES, EVEN ONES THAT YOU HUMANS WOULD CONSIDER THEORETICAL. AND YEAH. THEY CAN TOUCH THE FABRIC OF SPACETIME. THEY CAN GRIP THAT RATTY BLANKET AND YANK IT AROUND. IT CONTRACTS IN FRONT OF THE SHIP AND EXPANDS BEHIND IT. THE SHIP DOESN'T ACTUALLY MOVE AT ALL — SPACE MOVES AROUND *IT.* IT JUST FEELS LIKE FASTER-THAN-LIGHT TRAVEL TO THE AWESTRUCK DUMBFUCKS BEHIND THE HELM WHO ARE REALLY TURNING UP THE DIAL ON THEIR HELMSMAN'S TORMENT NEXUS. WE CALL IT THE ALKYOU BIERRE EFFECT. BUT YOU HUMANS PROBABLY HAVE SOME DUMB-SOUNDING EQUIVALENT NAME FOR IT, I'M SURE. NO, IT'S NOT MAKING A FUCKING EINSTEIN-ROSEN BRIDGE, WHICH IS ALSO A STUPID NAME, BY THE WAY. BUT THE KIND OF PSIONICALLY MALFEASANT PAN-DAMAGE YOU'D BE INFLICTING ON YOUR HELMSMAN TO PUNCH A NEW CHITINOUS WINDHOLE THROUGH SPACETIME ITSELF WOULD BASICALLY GUARANTEE THAT YOU NO LONGER HAD A HELMSMAN WHEN YOU WERE DONE. AND YOU'D HAVE TO HAVE A *PRETTY* STRONG PSIONIC TO EVEN DO THAT MUCH. SO OBVIOUSLY, IT WASN'T ATTEMPTED. ... OFTEN.
⚡︎ ⌁ i ⌁ dont ⌁ often ⌁ talk ⌁ about ⌁ anything ⌁ that ⌁ isn't ⌁ fiduspaWn...but ⌁ this ⌁ is ⌁ the ⌁ most ⌁ cohmerent ⌁ explanation ⌁ of ⌁ the ⌁ role ⌁ of ⌁ a ⌁ helm ⌁ i've ⌁ seen ⌁ in ⌁ a ⌁ long ⌁ time. ⌁ the ⌁ Way ⌁ i'd ⌁ best ⌁ describe ⌁ it ⌁ is...imagine ⌁ you ⌁ have ⌁ a ⌁ ball ⌁ on ⌁ a ⌁ piece ⌁ of ⌁ black ⌁ fabric. ⌁ you ⌁ Want ⌁ the ⌁ ball ⌁ off ⌁ of ⌁ the ⌁ fabric, ⌁ but ⌁ you ⌁ can't ⌁ touch ⌁ it. ⌁ so, ⌁ instead, ⌁ you ⌁ take ⌁ the ⌁ corners ⌁ of ⌁ one ⌁ end ⌁ of ⌁ the ⌁ fabric, ⌁ and ⌁ pull ⌁ it ⌁ to ⌁ the ⌁ ball, ⌁ then ⌁ pinch ⌁ a ⌁ piece ⌁ of ⌁ the ⌁ fabric ⌁ and ⌁ pull ⌁ upWards ⌁ to ⌁ the ⌁ ball ⌁ rolls ⌁ off ⌁ of ⌁ it. ⌁ the ⌁ ball ⌁ is ⌁ a ⌁ ship. ⌁ your ⌁ fingers ⌁ are ⌁ a ⌁ helmsman. ⌁ When ⌁ a ⌁ helm ⌁ is ⌁ plugged ⌁ into ⌁ the ⌁ SLITHR ⌁ (Shifting ⌁ Light ⌁ Inhibiting ⌁ Time ⌁ Holding ⌁ Redshift) ⌁ tentacles, ⌁ they're ⌁ hooking ⌁ their ⌁ thinkpan ⌁ directly ⌁ into ⌁ a ⌁ sensor ⌁ built ⌁ into ⌁ the ⌁ ship...Watt ⌁ this ⌁ sensor ⌁ does ⌁ is ⌁ essentially ⌁ amplify ⌁ the ⌁ helm's ⌁ reach. ⌁ Think ⌁ of ⌁ it ⌁ like...suddenly ⌁ you ⌁ have ⌁ these ⌁ big, ⌁ astral ⌁ arms. ⌁ You ⌁ can ⌁ grab ⌁ everything. ⌁ Suddenly, ⌁ you're ⌁ big ⌁ enough ⌁ to ⌁ pinch ⌁ the ⌁ fabric, ⌁ and ⌁ roll ⌁ the ⌁ ball. ⌁ All ⌁ you ⌁ have ⌁ to ⌁ do ⌁ is ⌁ ignore ⌁ your ⌁ oWn ⌁ doom ⌁ and ⌁ do ⌁ it. ⌁ No ⌁ matter ⌁ the ⌁ cost. ⌁ ⚡︎
NOW THAT. IS WHAT *I* CALL. A REAL. FUCKING. BALL KNOWER.
oh wow, i didnt know that last part... wait, no, i totally did, thats the waylon maneuver right????? i remember learning that when i was studying old alternian fleet combat!! that wouldve been the.... tetonian occupation? commander waylon had her helmsman punch a hole to flank the tetonian fleet, turning the tide without any more significant casualties!!! gosh, of COURSE that was an einstein-rosen bridge, how did i never make that connection?? :p anyway this is a really good explanation!!!! science communication is notoriously hard but you got it across just fine :)
(( playing tuoys with world building:)
UNDULATING ASSGLANDS OF THE FUCKING HIVEMOTHER, THAT TAKES ME BACK. PLAYING ALTERNIAN NAVAL HISTORY TRIVIA WITH A *HUMAN?* THIS REALLY IS THE OUTER RIM OF PARADOX SPACE WE'RE TAP-DANCING ON, HERE. THE WAYLON MANEUVER IS ONE OF THOSE HOTLY CONTESTED PIECES OF FLEET HISTORY THAT GETS PASSED AROUND LIKE A BAKED HOT TUBER. MOSTLY BECAUSE OF THE THEORETICAL UNCERTAINTY THAT JADE NUMBER ONE (OR JUST JADE, I GUESS) ALREADY OUTLINED. HOLDING THAT BRIDGE'S GAPING ORIFICE OPEN IS EASIER SAID THAN DONE. IT'S NOT EVEN EASILY SAID. BLUH. THERE'S SPECULATION THAT THE REASON THAT THE MANEUVER WORKED ISN'T BECAUSE WAYLON OUTFLANKED THE ENEMY FLEET BY GOING *THROUGH* THE BRIDGE, BUT BY HAVING HER HELMSMAN PUNCH THAT THROAT OPEN AS DEEP AS IT COULD GO RIGHT *NEAR* THE SHIP, CLOSE TO THE PURSUING ARMADA. IT WAS LIKE OPENING A FUCKING SINKHOLE RIGHT NEXT TO A BUNCH OF PARKED SCUTTLEBUGGIES. THEY ALL WENT TUMBLING IN ONLY TO SCATTER BACK OUT, WHILE WAYLON'S SHIP SWITCHED TO PROPULSION-BASED MOVEMENT IN ORDER TO USE THE SUDDEN SUPERMASSIVE SPACETIME DISTORTION TO PULL OFF A SLINGSHOT MANEUVER. KIND OF LIKE USING A BLACK HOLE'S DENSITY TO SWING THE SHIP AROUND BACK TOWARDS THE CLOSEST IMPERIAL FORTIFIED ZONE, WHICH MEANT THAT THE SHIP WASN'T CRAWLING BLEARILY THROUGH SPACE WITH A DEAD HELM FOR A HUNDRED FUCKING SWEEPS. UNFORTUNATELY, THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO CAN SAY FOR SURE WHAT HAPPENED ARE THE ONES WHO WERE THERE. AND GIVEN THAT WAYLON HERSELF WAS THE PRIMARY SOURCE, WHO KNOWS IF SHE WAS PULLING THE BRIDGE STORY OUT OF HER WASTE CHUTE, OR IF SHE REALLY WAS ONE OF THE ONLY ONES TO MAKE IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH ON PSIONIC POWER ALONE. COULDN'T TELL YOU. I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW *THAT* FUCKING MUCH. I JUST GREW UP ON THE HOMEWORLD OF AN INTERGALACTIC SUPERPOWER. CULL ME FOR NOT HAVING AN EARTH-EQUIVALENT DOCTORATE, OR WHATEVER THE FUCK.
s)(e always insisted they made it through the hole but... s)(e wasnt really all there ive realized so i kind of have to question every story she ever told me now ._.
REMIND ME TO PICK YOUR SPONGE ABOUT DEEP SPACE FLEET MANEUVERS, SOMETIME. IF A FUCKLUDICROUSLY POWERFUL HELM CAN PULL OFF THIS KIND OF INSANE SPACETIME NUTFUCKERY, IMAGINE WHAT A JADE HARLEY VARIANT CAN PULL OFF. NOT GONNA LIE. IT WOULD BE COOL TO FIND OUT.
#lyricposting i saw you light the ballroom with your sparkling eyes of blue graceful as an angels wing i dreamed a dance with you you whispered slyly, softly you told me you would be true we spun around a thousand stars i dreamed a dance with you
this song is from a musical and it is not nearly this sweet in context!! but i think it can be if you recontextualize it <3
pretty lyrics!
#nsfw @lilShitpeta i decided to pull out the dress again for this <3 [A video of Jade in the aforementioned black dress with her thighs out. She looks over her shoulder at the camera, wiggling her hips as she reaches down to pull up the hem, exposing more of her thick thighs and ass inch by inch, until with a little swoosh of fabric, the bottom is fully off! Her tail wags with exhibitionist joy as she bounces on her heels: the lacy black underwear barely covers her butt, and only disappears further until it can hardly be seen among the blur of movement. Finally, she drops to her heels and lets her ass bounce for a few more seconds, then drops the dress. She smooths it out, turns around, and curtsies.]
:33< YEAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
:33< im a purrfurt of course i like it!
could any nepetas share their ships for me? im veeeery curious :o
i keep thinking that hes ALMOST there if he just stopped like 75% of the way through one of his little lectures, hed be so much more bearable ._. #vagueposting
#nsfw i was expecting #quadnight to go a little differently but it was still a very nice affair with some fun conversation! thank you again @lilShitpeta <3 maybe one of you can help give me what i missed out on? ;D [A picture of Jade dressed up nicely- several pieces of blue-and-gold jewelry, fingerless gloves with a dark green lace trim, and her hand sprawled out in front of her like an offering to dance. Her main outfit, however, consists of that black dress from all the art. You know the one, with the slits to expose her hips and thighs. Her smile has a teasing flirtiness to it.]
:33< happy to have mew im fur sure gonna do this again it was supurr fun :33< and who knows next time mew may even get lucky ;33c
bark!!! bark bark!!!!! :D :D :D
awrrooo @w@ hi owner!!!!!! #suggestive
:33< mew know i do~ :33< next time ill show mew what im all about~ :33< if mew have questions f33l fur33 to dm meow :DD :33< mew know theyre always open to mew jade!
:33< like candy~
#nsfw noooo im sorry for being too silly!! please forgive me masterrr!!! ;w; [Several nude pictures of Jade. The first is her sitting on her heels, making little paws with her hands, and pouting; her thick thighs are squished together. Most notable of all, though, is the pretty blue leash attached to her collar! The one taking the picture is also holding it, and from the looks of the carefully-manicured hand in frame, it can only be Rose. The second is Jade in dogeza facing the camera, her butt in the air and her tail and ears lowered submissively. Unlike her puppy-dog eyes from the first picture, this time she doesn't dare look at the viewer. The third is her in the same position, but from behind- so her ass takes up most of the frame. (And her feet, for people who like that sort of thing.) Since she's so dark-skinned, any red marks are hard to see, but there are definitely darker, less recent bruises there.]
Great handiwork, me.
I can just tell you were in great, capable hands. Did you have a good time, darling?
oh damn. 7ou ma7 have been punished, but i must have been good at some point to get to see these
whooo oh wow. yyeah, okayy. thanks so much for this! now i need a pet barkbeast. preferablyy one who looks like yyou, haha!
awrrrrarf!!!! owo jade youre so pretty........
OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS HOW COULD I FORGET TO MAKE A POST ABOUT THIS! NYA!! I'm sure all of you are familiar with the cat girl maids of the cafe (as well as robot!) but introducing to you our brand new DOG girl maid: @gardenGamma !! Nya !!
woof!!!! im honored to be a member of the pack hehe <3
very important question to any #maidcafe employees!!! how flexible is the uniform requirement :o i was thinking of making my skirt a bit shorter so i can wear my god tier thigh-highs <3 #suggestive
As long as you take it up with higher-ups, should pass code!
YOU SHOULD B3 F1N3. 4LT3R4T1ONS TO TH3 UN1FORM 4R3 PR3TTY COMMON 4ROUND TH3 WORKPL4C3. 4NYTH1NG TO G3T US MOR3 T1PS HON3STLY
woof!!! <3 im so excited to see you at the @kittymaidCafe, master! please choose me as your server and be *bewitched* by elegant service with a big smile!!! but watch out :o .....our food is full of yummy chocolate! but i cant eat it ._. so if i get hungry, the only thing that can satisfy me...is your love <3 #maidcafe #suggestive i guess?
#nsfw there must be a way to do dirty talk about nuclear physics...we literally talk about "breeding" "fertile" isotopes to make them fissile!! maybe some other harleys can help me out ._.
neuclear physics more lik e new clerr sex
~Puts O~n my prO~tecti~On tO~ deal with depleted r~Ods ~#suggestive~
hell yeh
You are so adorabe, Jade.
nutclear physics. no that sucks i'm gonna go doom this timeline
BITCH DID YOU JUST PITY ME #vagueposting
hmmm maybe i should attend next #sicknastysunday! :o #nsfw
#kismessitude wow i just realized...they and i are so kacchako myheroacademia <3<
wait. wait. youre PITCH with karkat???? lmfaooooooooo XD timelines are so fucked!!
oh shit i just associate bakugou with him lmao XD
can any #kismessitude experts out there tell me what a hatedate usually looks like? i have no experience with that but i would like to make my kismesis happy/angry!!!
ⓘt depends ໑n a l໑t ໑f fact໑rs h໑nestly lⓘke are y໑u the d໑m ໑r sub ⓘn the relatⓘ໑nshⓘp d໑ y໑u swⓘtch ar໑und a l໑t what they hate etc ⓘ need m໑re ⓘnf໑
B33 < it furries extensively depending on the basis of your kismesissitude! B33 < you might verbally spar or offur intentionally n33dling gifts if it is based on passive nyaggression fur example B33 < whereas a more violent one might get straight to the punching and only settle into tenderness aftpurr one or both purties are exhausted B33 < what do they hate most about you? B33 < the date should be structpurred to make that part shine!!
hmmmmm i do not want to give away too much but they hate that i am impulsive and excitable and not always willing to be mean even when the situation calls for it!
hmm... well dom, which is weird for me! they hate a lot of things but mostly my naivete and how i can be passive-aggressive instead of just aggressive
easy then just set up a date where y໑u can be b໑th at the same tⓘme gⓘve them plenty ໑f ໑pp໑rtunⓘtⓘes t໑ snap at y໑u by delⓘberately ໑verplayⓘng y໑ur naⓘvety then resp໑nd t໑ theⓘr aggressⓘ໑n by manⓘpulatⓘng the date lⓘke change the l໑catⓘ໑n t໑ s໑mewhere they are less kn໑wledgeable ab໑ut ໑r ⓘf y໑ure at a restaurant embarrass them t໑ the server staff ⓘn s໑me way ⓘf theⓘr the type t໑ care lma໑