[Minos looked bemused by Dirk’s outburst. “Is this another pretentious meta-thing that I wouldn’t understand?” Dirk sighed. “Yeah, pretty much. Things are really coming apart at the seams now. Unraveling. Which is why it’s so fucking imperative that you help me.” “As I was saying before you began yelling at nothing,” Minos said, “I can’t vote now, because I never heard Acorn’s sins.” “What the hell are you talking about?” Dirk said. He knelt in the snow (canon) to look Minos right in his bottomless kitty eyes. “I read all them to you and Jeanne ten minutes ago.” The cat sat up and shrugged. “If you did, then I don’t remember them. I’m sorry, but those are your own rules. We listen to you read the sins, then we judge. If I didn’t hear the list, I can’t, by the very logic that you wrote into our universe, make a ruling.” Dirk uneasily looked around at the other characters in the dead forest clearing, knowing full well that any one of them could ruin everything if they got their act together and realized what was really happening. “Fine,” he said, looking back at the cat. “I’ll read them to you again. Will that fucking satisfy you?” The cat nodded demurely. “It certainly would.” Dirk pulled the thin paperback volume out of his back pocket and began thumbing through it with a rapidity that suggested great familiarity. (Multiple revisions prompted by care? Or by insecurity?) “Okay, bottom of page 53. We’d just finished the retrospectively unnecessary Socratic dialogue conceit, and Acorn was being sassy. Betancourt told him not to be an asshole. Then on the next page—” Dirk flipped to page 54, and immediately went silent. Minos jumped onto Dirk’s shoulder and read out loud. “‘The two girls and the town trudged through the snow silently. Pawnee and Pam had left Lighting and Lil’ Seb behind miles ago.’” Dirk was very still. “That’s not right, though. Pages 54 and 55, that’s where I read all the sins out loud. It’s just a really long list in an nigh-unreadably-tiny font. That’s the joke.” The cat arched its eyebrows. “Tiny font is a joke?” Dirk waved a hand at the animal on his shoulder dismissively. “But now 54 is about the girls. Their story was supposed to end permanently on page 43, when Acorn leaves. It’s not about them anymore, they’re no longer relevant.” “Maybe they didn’t want it not to be about them. Maybe there’s more to the Pony Pals than you thought. After all, they somehow made it here.” Dirk shut the book, stood, and closed his eyes. No one could tell he had closed his eyes because of his sunglasses, but I know, because I’m him. So trust me, he closed his fucking eyes. Now is not the right time to start questioning my/his/our objectivity. Eye status: shut tighter than… something that’s really tight; I don’t have time for these elaborate similes anymore. “Okay,” Dirk said after a few seconds. “Okay, new plan. I can still make this work. I’ve got it under control. Just as long as—” And that’s when Anna woke up.] #DetectivePony