Is there any love?
I mean I could say some shit about how Earthnoids need to get meaner as a whole, but I'm mainly talking about the fact that I, specifically, have too much love for a specific person who is no longer in my life, and I would really like to get rid of it. There's really no outlet for it. It just rots me from the inside. It fucking sucks.
I think the version of me that never loved them is a fundamentally different person because we go so far back that undoing our relationship would change numerous core aspects of who I am. Honestly, the version of me that never loved them probably would have killed herself at 9 sweeps. They were pretty much the only thing that made [deadname]'s life worth it. So it's not really feasible to talk about whether I regret loving them.
Is it truly not worth discussing if it affected you so profoundly? You would not be where you are. Who you are. Was it better to have loved and lost or not to love at all?
They're still alive. I just. Don't have a way to contact them. So the only way we'll ever see each other again is if we're both out of our respective home cities and we happen to cross paths by random chance while going to the same place to do the same thing. Answering your question would require me to qualify it with so many conditionals that, in effect, the conditionals become the answer. A version of me who never knew them, *but still escaped that awful town*, *and survived*, *and still cast off her deadname*, would probably be happier than me? But that's not the decision point, so it's meaningless to talk about it without attaching that many conditionals.